Very sad

robby you just vent away. I think we all totally understand.

Just a hint from a wife - a picked flower (not store bought) earns you lots of points. Also a home made card is always special. It means you took the time.

It really is the little things that say I love you. Or else I am the cheapest date ever? lol

Now you are making me laugh.

Okay, so make her a paper flower! lol

I have the feeling that Robby would prefer to give his wife a nice pile of steaming dog poop right about now and I can certainly understand that sentiment. Give the guy a chance to cool down.

Robby-After you get over the hurt you need to calmly sit down and talk with your wife. It would be best if you set out some guidelines for your conversation. You could say to her that what she said was very hurtful to you and since that's out of character it's past time that the two of you cleared the air. That you are aware that you have not been the nicest form of you etc.

The conversation has to have therapy type guidelines like "I feel" versus "You've been" or "You make me feel". No accusations just explanations and no interruptions. Both of you should take notes. If you can afford it I would recommend going to a therapist but I'm assuming that treatment is taking a financial toll. We tend to hold things in and say uh huh when we don't agree with people that we are close too to keep things peaceful. It's an unfortunate behavior trait that almost everyone has because it leads the other person to believe that we agree with their belief when it's completely opposite. When there is actual discussion it's almost always volatile.

Also keep in mind that your wife may see the gym as something healthy people do as a luxury. She may see it as something that takes time away from her. Find out how she views the gym. That may be key. She may also just need to believe that you are not as sick as you are. My folks do that anytime I'm able to do things I used to do. I'ts frustrating and yet I'm still their baby even at 54. This is hard on our loved ones. We take not being that sick as offensive. That of itself shows how messed up this disease is.

Hang in there. She's hung in there with you.
Janet

Robby-I think this is a good read. It's sobering but really valid. /willtherebecake.org/2015/12/02/i-have-come-to-accept-peoples-lack-of-long-term-compassion/

Post Edited (jrpsf) : 10/20/2016 10:07:27 PM (GMT-6)

Robby, do you still do chores around the house? If you could replicate any of the activities at the gym, at home doing some kind of work while she can see, and she could see the effort that you make to do it, she might be more apt to believe you.

I mean, I'm sure you experience some pain working out, and probably do certain things so that you can push past it. If she could see this, she would know.

The other thing we have to remember is just how hard this is to understand. Remember, LOTS of people think Lyme is no big deal,or doesn't exist - especially chronic Lyme. In many cases, people feel the same way towards ALL tick borne infections. Who knows how many times she is questioned by others each week.

And, think about this, could we understand everything someone is going through daily if we were not deeply involved with these infections ourselves? It's like a man (forgive me) trying to deeply understand what it's like for a woman to have serious issues with a pregnancy, in a way. To say it's difficult really doesn't capture it.

I think there's been some good ideas shared, but most likely you will need to choose something carefully that would work for your particular situation. I would suggest that each side needs to be understanding, compassionate with the others unique situation, and to remember why you are together - the love you have shared while together.

I've been through some difficult times with my spouse as well, but with a wheelbarrow full of forgiveness on both sides, we have managed to survive with both if us being disabled and our health compromised. This didn't happen overnight or easily, and is still a work in progress, but it's working and that's what counts to me.