Anyone who is better, how do you handle friends/family who abandoned you while your were sick?

I just continued to "play it cool" with them. Had they really wanted me in their life, they would have at least checked in with me once in a while. I"m not at all rude to them, I just don't have time for them either. I had all those things I wanted to do while I was sick to occupy my time now.

I know that's not really the best way to handle this, but it's either that or get mad at them, or hold it all in - and I don't like those two choices.

Family is a bit different, but there are family members that I still don't talk to - this is more their choice than mine, and I"m fine with that.

Of course, I'm reinfected now, so I'm back to not being out much, but that's what I choose to do when I did heal that first time.

So glad you're better!

I think most of us go through this. I'm jealous of the ones who don't.

I've actually had some family members tell me they don't know what to say to me, so they weren't going to keep in contact. That kind of hurts😐

Your mental condition is very important to maintain your health and continued healing.

If you are happy being out and about on your own, go with it. Perhaps some of the friendships are worth salvaging, some like you said, some weren't that good of friends to start with. I think maybe you'll figure that out one at a time

I guess I'm saying, take one day at a time, concentrate on the NOW and the rest will fall into place. Life is short, enjoy this moment.

And, FYI, I asked myself this exact same question 🙄

Traveler - "I"m not at all rude to them, I just don't have time for them either."

PeteZa - "They just don't know what they don't know. Before I got lyme, I didn't know what I now know and this knowledge came at a price and it took a long time."

Purrsiankitty - "Your mental condition is very important to maintain your health and continued healing."

Girlie - "There may be one or two that I have no desire to reach out to once I'm healed…."

Hi Laker 7491 -

This is always a good discussion to have, here. Going through this dx and tx usually involves chaos in relationships. VERY few people have avoided that - I think maybe children do, because of their warrior parents being able to ward off the crazy a little bit.

I quoted statements above because they are so key in achieving and maintaining sanity in this mess. I struggled for 16 yrs before diagnosis and for several reasons, this illness destroyed nearly every relationship I had, parts of my career, my finances… what else in life is there? If I had known at the time what was going on, I might have been able to prevent it.

I had a lot of friends and some of them were valuable people to me. Many weren't - I know that now. So, my own behavior is one reason the relationships didn't last - I pushed people away (thanks to this cursed Lyme&Co rage/agitation/disassociation). There are two people who didn't let me and they are still in my life now, thankfully. They don't understand much about Lyme and sometimes get my short or long version of how I'm doing… and it's OK. They really just want to connect. And they have taught me how to be a better friend, too.

The others… well, on my good days I don't think about them, don't care, "don't have time for them, either" like T says. On my bad days, I'm pissed. Pissed that I bothered with them in the first place if they were going to be so disappointing. And pissed at the situation. And pissed at myself that I allow it to continue to hurt.

Time does heal.

And anger causes gray hair, wrinkles and arthritis.

FAMILY is a whole other ballgame. These are people you're connected with for the rest of your life. Ain't nuthin you can do about the bad seeds. ;)

I have "concerned" family members whom I have not heard from in 2+ years. Others whom I simply haven't heard from in 2+ years. My mom is the link with some. I've asked her why she has so many conversations with people who are so concerned about me - yet my phone has never rung. There are a lot of excuses for this "don't know what to say, don't want to call at a bad time, don't understand it enough to talk about it" or whatever. But it always leads to silence.

Through this experience, I have learned that there is no valid excuse for being an a**hole to someone in need. No, that behavior is about YOU and your weak character. Period. I'm perfectly OK judging people on that point. This experience has simply forced a weeding process in my social life. I'm OK with that, too. ;)

The thing is, we all know that if we were struggling with cancer, we would be smothered with love and support.

And that, again, brings us full circle to why this disease is so destructive. People are people and most of them will disappoint you if you let them. You can change your expectations and manage some of that disappointment. But in the end, it's the disease and the utter failure of the medical industry that has created this pain in our lives.

That said, I'm happier with my small group of "fans" and I have matured into a person who lets life —and people— come to me.

I was sitting in starbucks 2 yrs ago and this young woman walked up to me and said, "You have a BEAUTIFUL soul" - she seemed so touched and emotional (seriously, this was a very normal-appearing girl and there wasn't any weird crazy going on…) That really caught me so off-guard. I was in a very good mood that day (rare for me with the constant Lyme rage/agitation) and it was a little window into the old me who loved life and people and had insurmountable hope. I decided I would NEVER forget how I felt at that moment… when someone "saw" me.

;)

Find your own moment where you're protected from the world outside and feel your most loved.

-p

YES! YOU, first. Can't ever go wrong with taking care of yourself and your hubby, kids.

-p

Best thread ever!

VCL

Another great Lyme mantra "It's best not to talk about it much, unless you like people to avoid you." So true Astroman.

I was at a cocktail party over the holidays. I had to go, stayed thirty minutes and drank seltzer. I digress...

A woman from CT and I were discussing Lyme. A man came up to us and just started talking. The woman whispered in my ear "He's flirting with you." I turned to him and said "We both have late stage Lyme disease, do you know about it?"

I think he broke into a gallop to get away.

We both giggled like school girls, joking that if you want to clear the room just bring up Lyme.

the first year and a half i was very proactive in telling people about this horrible disease to educate and hopefully avoid others they may know (including themselves) from ever getting sick. i think out of every 100 people i talked to maybe 1-2 actually cared enough to follow along for more than a few sentences so i just stopped talking to people about it.

if people that know i'm sick ask me how i'm feeling i say doing ok still fighting the little buggers and that's it. i don't have the time or health anymore to talk to 'walls' so to speak.

I think there are some very good suggestions here.
At the end of the day it is all about you.
People are just people, yeah, there are an amazing number of ways they can disappoint you.
I remember going back to work after my first baby was born prematurely and had died 2 days later. Not a soul said a word about it and my heart was literally breaking. It was as if it never happened. It felt so surreal.
I am older now - people just don't know what to say or do, the only ones who get it are the ones who have been through the same thing as you have.
I don't think they are being mean they just have natural limitations. These days I cut them a lot more slack. And if I do feel angry I try to remember that "the best revenge is a good life".
I have people in my life who are not supportive, after 20 years of being sick there are a lot and I have people who are, or who try to be, they have their moments.
Be happy you are feeling better then enjoy the moment forget about the rest. Live your life make it amazing.
All the best and Congratulations