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Posted 11/7/2017 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
I’m new here so apologies if I mess up. Tried reading rules, but brain unable to function correctly due to neurological symptoms of my Lyme disease. But right now I’m struggling so hard getting my mom who’s my caretaker to listen to me. I have nowhere else to go & am bedridden. It baffles me as she’s been to every appt. seen all my trials with Drs & finding diagnosis..finally find its Lyme & get awesome Lyme Literate Dr...but she refuses to take him seriously now. It’s seriously like she wants all the “pity” which I hate by the way..but when others ask of me it’s not how hard my life is. It’s how hard her life is now. It baffles me! She yells at me about anything I ask help with daily...but I’m an ungrateful brat because I don’t smile when I say thank you. I search online for anything to explain to her what it’s like to have Lyme & it doesn’t help at all.
I do wanna say I understand it’s not easy for her to take on my kids & me. But as far as what is done for me... I get fed 1 microwave meal per day cause meat is expensive (her excuse). My kids are all in teens & don’t need that much to take care of..they do most themselves. But she literally thinks her life is harder than mine..makes fun of me if I cry..convinced my brothers I’m the abusive one. I am aware I can be snappy..but I always try to tell her please stop I literally can’t take the screaming..she results to I’m not gonna decide when arguments over & keeps attacking me. Lyme Dr has said I need low stress as can have strokes or heart attacks. Regardless she keeps stressing me every day all during the day...I’m already trapped in my torture chamber body and now in this basically abusive home. She lies to kids about me..thankfully they know better & even they are now scared of her. I try talking calmly to her to explain & it always ends up with her yelling at me.
She actually claims I have no idea how hard she’s got it & she’d gladly trade places with me??? Now I know she’s clueless cause I wouldn’t wish on worst enemy!! Trade places..well I would never want mom to have this but being able to fully function!!?? Yes please!!

As if I didn’t live on own for years & have demanding job I was on call 24/7..along with taking care of my kids all by myself! She really doesn’t have to do much & has my dad. She does more for healthy bro’s than me! I don’t know why she resents me so much! Why refuses to watch or read about Lyme so life here isn’t a war zone!
Due to stress alone I ended up knocked down over month..had seizures entire time slept & was sleeping 20+ hrs..blood vessels all popped in eyes..lost over 20lbs...during this month she was kind..then after back to nagging..guilt trips for everything..belittling me..I can’t vent about my illness at all without her making it seem small while she complains “at least it’s not example heartburn that she has daily “ I’m thinking..WHAT!?!? I feel like every bone in body is breaking?? She won’t let me have anything decent. I found an app to sing..only hobby able to do still..but need quiet room to record. I used room that was never used..ever!...till I wanted it then she stole from me & would sit there all day so I couldn’t sing. Was only thing made me feel kinda normal & she just treats me awful! Dad always stays out of it...all my friends are gone now. Over 8 months since anyone text me at all.

We aren’t a trashy family but while typing I think must sound we live in some gutter..my mom’s toothless drug addict & I’m just a brat that doesn’t see myself...but that’s so not us! We’re fairly well off fam..mom doesn’t do any drugs...I’m one of nicest people you’ll meet..I can’t smile as much due to severe 24/7 pain..I’m going through hell & I have zero support too

I tried staying strong but I only feel broken now. Never done any of these forums before. But didn’t know where to turn to..I’m lost & only hope is mom helping and that’s obviously not happening. How do I get support needed?? She’s literally causing my health to decline even more rapidly & I gotta stay strong for kids...but dunno how long I can continue like this. I have nothing now & she’s even broke my spirit finally. How could a mom treat a daughter so & refuses to listen when I’m crying for her to listen to me..begging

I really don’t think I have much longer if life continues like this...there’s more to story & I don’t want everyone thinking mom is monster cause she was never like this till my Lyme. We used to be close. I have my kids but refuse to burden them with my issues..they’ve had enough already.

I just dunno what to do...I’ve never felt depression & now I can’t crawl outta it. I am mad at mom now but after she’s pushed & pushed me to break...nobody will listen to me either...nobody

Sorry..I’ll stop rambling now. It’s hard to explain right now. I’m not stupid but brain won’t function right. Used to be in gifted classes & almost genius IQ..now look at me!!!

Lyme isn’t anything to belittle anyone about & hopefully one day I can advocate better for Lyme. Thank you to anyone took time to read my ramblings
Posted 11/7/2017 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
Im so sorry you have to deal with your mom acting like this during this hard time. It's likely she's overwhelmed but that is no excuse. As for the microwave meals you should really be eating a healthy diet right now. Have you tried showing your mom any literature you find online about lyme and co. Something to explain to her from a different point of view what your going through. Regardless of what your mom thinks of your diagnosis you need to be seeing an llmd to treat this as soon as possible. Do whatever you can with or without your moms help this is your health and life, not hers. Try and stay as positive as you can. You WILL get through this. There are a lot of members here that have amazing knowledge so ask questions if you need to as well. We are hear listening to you. You are not alone.
Posted 11/7/2017 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Also more members are likely to respond if you title your posts.
Posted 11/7/2017 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
You are definitely not alone. I think we've all learned what our family and friends are made of on this journey. It's been eye-opening, that's for sure.

If you were healthy, I'd tell you to get out of that toxic environment. I understand why you have to stay. The best advice I can give you is to not engage her. When she yells, don't yell back. When she criticizes, don't listen. Create an invisible barrier around yourself that protects you from her insults. You may never be able to get her to understand, but that doesn't matter. What matters right now is you getting better. Believe me, I know how much it hurts when a mother doesn't give you what you need. It's sad, but you don't need her approval for this. The human mind and spirit are very strong.

Listen, this might sound counter-productive, but it changed my relationship with my mother for the good. I read a book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - basically, it says if you give the person what they want (within reason) you will get what YOU want. I asked myself...what does my mother want? She wants to be respected, listened to, she wants to use me to vent her frustrations in life. OK. Fine. I started with the "yes mothers" and agreeing with her (even when I didn't). At first it was hard, now I just give her what she wants. It doesn't hurt me to tell her she's right. She wants everyone to know how hard her life is. "Yes, mother, your life is so hard.l" I swear to you, she's the nicest mom on the planet now. Not 100%, but not the screaming nightmare she was.

I have spent the better part of my life wishing my mother was a better mother. Just stop. You're not gonna change her. You can only change yourself. If agreeing with her and making her feel better makes YOUR life better, why not try it?

I hope you get some relief. We're here for you and you're not alone.
Posted 11/7/2017 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Great post 10LymeB

LyfeNLymeLyte -
I'm so sorry you're having to go through so much all at once. The stress of the situation is probably doing more damage to your body than the infections at this point.

Your mother could be experiencing something physiological that has caused these changes in her behavior, along with obvious stress of being in a situation she can't control very well and feeling helpless watching you live with a difficult illness, and being your caretaker. And simply going through aging. Compounded, all that can break even the strongest person.

But she feels she should be in control, needs and she wants to be in control.

And right now, your side of the equation is less important - to her. You're trying to move a mountain by expecting her to respond the way you want her to.

But you can still control better outcomes (she seems incapable of this) and steer this situation in the right direction.

So - as painful as it is and as counterproductive as it may seem, let her feel in control, be agreeable, etc. 10LymeB's suggestions are spot-on. Make "peace" and tranquility the priority and work on that as long as it takes. Learn effective meditation you can do and work on controlling your own stress.

When things are improved, your trust and communication are stable and reliable, then try working in the things YOU want and need. Easier said than done, no doubt.

You were smart to post and ask for help. This forum is a great resource. You are not alone.

-p
Posted 11/7/2017 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I watched my mother treat her dying mother in similar fashion. My grandmother was bedridden the last few years of her life. My mother treated her as if it she was just being stubborn and lazy and not wanting to get up. My mother had to move in with my grandparents as a caretaker for about 6-7 months before my grandmother died. My grandmother had a lot of fear and would stay awake at night and sleep during the day. This drove my mother nuts because she was trying to do housekeeping, cooking, medicine prep, and everything else during the day and sleep at night, and my grandmother would keep her up at night. I remember my mom yelling at her and saying mean, hurtful things.

I couldn't understand it, at first. I knew my mother loved my grandmother and was very close to her. I finally realized that in addition to the stress of being her caretaker and not getting enough sleep, she was dealing with anger. Anger that her mother was dying. Anger that her mother wasn't able to be and do what she had before. It was grief and loss of a relationship and anger over that inevitable loss. Didn't make it right, of course. But did make it more understandable.

Your mother (temporarily) has lost the daughter she knew and loved and now sees you as the shell of the person you once were. That's emotionally painful, even if she's not consciously aware of the fact. She may also be facing a lot of unacknowledged fear of what will happen to her in her old age if you're not there or not able to take care of her. She may be subconsciously projecting herself in that position as if she's already there and needs you to be her caretaker instead of the other way around. (I am not a psychologist. These are just my thoughts.)

Post Edited (WalkingbyFaith) : 11/7/2017 10:46:36 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/7/2017 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I don't have time for a real post now, just wanted to say thanks for posting ...I came on forum to talk about similar family stresses & found your post instead. Sorry to hear of your situation! Hang in there!
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