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Posted 1/31/2018 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All - It's been awhile since I've posted to the forum. I've been getting along quite well physically and have pretty much across the board good days these days.

What has me really perplexed is that I'm extremely depressed and very anxious. I thought that once I got through the physical stuff I would be overjoyed, but I'm not in any way shape or form. I've been depressed throughout this experience, but it's gotten so much worse.

Does anyone have any perspective on this? My herbalist says that it's all of my emotional work that needs to be done, i.e., the lessons that I need to learn from Lyme coming up. I'm trying to do that spiritual work, but as everything with this disease it's such a slog.

I think part of it is that I'm burned out from taking care of myself and having a full time job. I just feel like I need a LONG vacation from all of this.

Would love perspective!!!

<3
Posted 1/31/2018 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

If I had the power to laugh I would have because I was just about to post an extremely similar post. I too have been getting treated for chronic lyme since 2016. Currently I do have a lot of my energy back and some of the other physical symptoms have gotten better. Recently however I have been depressed and anxious to the point of harboring some suicidal thoughts. I dont think I would go through with these thoughts, but they are very disturbing nonetheless.

I actually just came back from a vacation to see family in Florida and while it was nice, I did not feel as well as I thought I may have, (waking up early from anxiety, depression, etc.) Now that I am back up north and alone again my depression and anxiety have been scary bad....like really scary. I had a visit with my LLMD yesterday (I am currently on 3x a day Tetracycline (Compound with Loxo) and he had said I would be on abx for several more years before I am completely better.

This has me ruminating about where I will be in three years, as the restrictions with treatment have made me a rather isolated person. (I work 4 days a week and run my own design business, but for the last 18 months life has seemingly been passing me by with little enjoyment) Even though I am able to snowboard and do some of the things I used to love, I feel like a hollow shell of myself. I have grown apart from pretty much all of my friends, and just dont know if I can put up with another 3 or more years of this without completely going off the deep end.

So, although I may not have answers for you, I do understand your fight. I have been on a lot of the same meds that you have listed (my list below is rather outdated)

Can't help but think about just giving up and seeing a traditional doctor and getting back on antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, etc. Especially when there is no garuntee this treatment will work and that I can make it to the end.

Thanks for your post. Hope to hear some answers soon!
Posted 1/31/2018 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Oh wow. It is like we're on the same page.... I've definitely slipped into the suicidal thought lane and like you although I wouldn't do anything to harm myself, getting into that head space is awful. The way you put it "hollow shell of myself" is right on.

I believe that the ABX destroy our guts, and take our serotonin with them, which damages our ability to be happy. Maybe it is time to try anti-depressants if you're feeling this crappy. I'm on a low does of Zoloft and just started increasing it to see if that might help (hasn't yet!)

I picked up the book "How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can" by Amy Scher. She had chronic lyme and developed some emotional clearing techniques that she felt pushed her into healing. Maybe it would be helpful for you?

You sound pretty amazing frankly...running a design business...and you're snowboarding too! I hope you can step back and hold space those for those accomplishments, because that's very impressive from where you've been on your journey.

One more thing...you write that you live in New England...so do I...the days are short, and maybe there is a seasonal depression component?

Thanks for your response!
Posted 1/31/2018 2:49 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the response,

My doctor really wanted me to get completely off of antidepressants to eliminate additional variables in how I feel. I was on 60mg of Prozac a day and .5mg of Clonipin 2x a day for approx 8 years. It took a lot of effort to get off of these meds and I havent been on anything since the Fall of last year when I cut out the last amount of Prozac.

Its just really tough when you feel like you NEED something to take the edge off. I do feel like the seasonal aspect of this could be an issue, but not at the amount that it has affected me in the past few days.

Thanks for the kind words. Hopefully we can stay in touch! It definitely helps to knowk their are other people dealing with similar issues...although I wish nobody had to deal with this mess!
Posted 1/31/2018 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
there is evidence lyme disables acetylcholine in the body. ONe possible result of that is severe depression.

I developed a protocol to reverse this that I, and some others, experienced a marked anti-depressive affect from

its basically

Huperzine A
EGCG
Alpha GPC
DHA (fish oil)
uridine (optional)

the HZA and EGCG block acetylcholinesterase which is the enzyme that breaks down acetylcholine. Tne other supplements provide the building blocks to rebuild your acetylcholine

here is the thread on it, its several threads long now.

its not expensive and I think its very worth it as I and others only got good results from it.

/www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=3931788
Posted 1/31/2018 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
great - thanks for passing this along I'll look into it.

I think I've seen ECGC come up in the Buhner Bartonella protocol?
Posted 1/31/2018 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hollow shell just about encapsulates it, l really sympathise with you .
After just 6 months old life seems like another planet
Unable to travel or do sport
A really disorientating effect too is not being interested in food, which is disturbing. Anyone else had this?
Hope the abx and herbs start working for everyone ..
Posted 1/31/2018 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
Just want to stop by and say I'm sorry you all are dealing with this.

I hope you are able to find a treatment or path of healing that will work for these symptoms.

Keep trying and keep reaching out here on the forum with questions or just for support.

Take care, Jo
Posted 1/31/2018 10:55 PM (GMT 0)

BostonMarigold said...
great - thanks for passing this along I'll look into it.

I think I've seen ECGC come up in the Buhner Bartonella protocol?

yes, he reccomends it for its anti inflammatory affects i believe.
Posted 1/31/2018 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
/www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qELJTRLJyM

really great talk on neurogenesis, how to increase it to promote optimal mental health
Posted 2/1/2018 12:12 AM (GMT 0)
I would love to try some of these things but my LLMD, who has great reviews and has had success treating lyme, wants me to just keep it basic on just the abx and anti yeast meds. I agree with him for the most part, but when times get tough like this I tend to panic and start to have racing thoughts of my "other options." That being said, none of these other options are really as good as what my current doc is offering, but I do tend to worry a lot if I am on the right path. The news of having to be on abx for "several more years" was a mental hurdle for me as ive already been taking abx for 16 months.

For now, my doc has me stopping the abx for the rest of today and calling him tomorrow to report how I feel. (at the very least I am at a point where I am not on anything besides vitamin D, I suppose this would make it easy to "jump ship" and start over with a new doctor if need-be) All of my research tells me to stick it out though, its just tough watching myself slowly loose my personality and enthusiam. I hope I get it back...
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