fighting babesia and bartonella. Need encouragement.

Ive been sick for 6 years. I was diagnosed with babesia and bartonella this January and im in month 5 of abx. The treatment has been hell. I feel like am barely holding on. I just really need some encouragement this is so hard. Im 22. I don't see any of my friends anymore, I can't do any of my hobbies, I've had to drop out of school twice and it feels like all the past traumas in my life are hitting me all at once. Im really scared. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the night is that I tell myself ill feel better when I wake up. I just want this to end.

Hi Beth,

Thanks for getting back to me.
In some respects I grew up very privileged: money, education, opportunity. But I also grew up in a household of abuse, in and out of child services. My mother suffers from borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. My father abandoned me when I was young. Home life was really bad, but I had a lot of friends, I was very active and kept up my school work. I captained my High School soccer team and was a Brazilian jiu jitsu fanatic. Then:

May 2012: "world is rocked". I see specialists from Cornell, Princeton, Columbia, NYU, Stanford and the Mayo Clinic. Around this time my father comes back into my life which was especially helpful for dealing with doctors because all the appointments would end with her screaming at me. I get diagnosed with fibromyalgia and pots. I workout, go gluten free and vegan, I somehow manage to graduate high school and get into college, but my symptoms continue to worsen.
October 2015: The first time I drop out of college.
October 2017: the final time I drop out of college. My symptoms got so bad I couldn't even manage 1 class.
October 2017: I see LLMD Dr Elena Frid, a doctor my dad found from watching Jennifer Brea's Unrest
November 2017: A suicide attempt lands me in the hospital.
January 2018: Igenex and Galaxy DX results come back positive for bartonella henselae, bartonella quintana, and babesia duncani. I start abx (minocycline, azythromyacin, and malarone).
The 5 months of treatment have been the harder than the last 6 years of worsening health and clueless doctors. Clinically I'm doing much better: the neuropathy is so much less severe, my tachycardia is gone, and I feel as If im improving physically everyday. Although I can still barely get out of bed.
Something is also eating at me. It might be the herxing I don't know. Im scared ill never get to the point where I can get to live the life I want to live, and I dread waking up everyday having to deal with what Im dealing with. Learning to accept that this is part of my life is destroying me. I'm always consumed with fear and hate. I used to never resent my father for leaving, but now thats all I think about. Im not sure what to do with myself. I feel as if im barely scraping by. I want to thank you for getting back to me. I just want to be healthy.

Im currently switched treatments to bactrim, minocycline, malarone, and biaxin. I detox with glutathione, charcoal, and epsom bath salts Ill be sure to check out the new to lyme page.

masonbor - I really have to commend you for totally taking your health "by the horns", so to speak. Not to focus on your age, but you really impress me that you have overcome & also been through so much at your age.

It IS great that you have the finances to get the care you need. You have the ability to get to some of the best doctors, as well. But like the saying goes, all the $$ in the world means nothing, if you don't have your health!

Many of us here truly GET what you're going through health-wise. I've been dealing with Lyme/Bart/Babesia for just over 2 years. This crap has burrowed itself into every joint, muscle and nerve ending in my extremities. It's affected my brain as well. I used to be like a walking dictionary...I could spell darn near anything. Now...I had to look up "extremities".

It is hard to find people who you can really relate to. I understand the depression, the anxiety, the anger...all of it. Just know that you can come here any time & vent. We have your back!

I also, for the most part, have no family. Not any that I can lean on. My brother lives a few hours away, but, like your mom, has that narcissistic personality. If it's not something that interests him, or if it's not something that might directly affect him, he doesn't want to talk about it & changes the subject.

You have a lot of folks in your corner here. I'm pretty new here & just found this forum about a month or so ago. Everyone has been so helpful & inviting.

Welcome to the "Family"!!

You can't control where you come from but you can control where you go! My mom is my rock-not perfect but she always looks on the bright side of things and I'm happy I've tried to follow that.

I didn't really have role models growing up, but now I look up to other people. I must say I still don't find it easy to find mentors but every now and then I find a great one!

If you are having some symptoms that are already getting better, hold on to that! That is pretty freaking great. If you look at my timeline I got bit and was infected for some time before I started treatment and recovered.

Try to do something for yourself everyday. One little thing. Go for a walk, read something uplifting, plot something stupid and funny to do. I'm pretty certain I'm going to custom order a label maker that makes larger labels and do something scandelous. I was thinking underneath some stop signs I'd label "in the name of love." Why this thought makes me crack up I have no freaking clue but it seems like a great idea...granted I'm quite certain it might be a crime so I might have to keep plotting.

Isitlyme,

I hear you on the uncertainty part. The ups the downs ugh that was the worst. I remember I think it was April and I had first gotten sick Oct/Nov for the first time. I was still far from well but I was stable and I remember being so thankful for just being stable. You start doing things like making sure the bathroom door is open in case someone has to get to you...but being stable, whew-that was my first breath of relief!

Hang in there! Let us know how some of the herbals work. I used echinacea and there are some other mild mood boosters to help. Don't wish for death! Wish for your life back! Wish for what you will do when you get it back!

Hi there isitlyme,

Can I ask you...everytime you try to go to sleep does your body jerk and wake you back up? Like your falling, then your body jerks...every...single time?

What does your diet look like? We have had a lot of members that have had to work on some issues like their gut first before doing a more intensive treatment. If you had top name your to 5 symptoms what would that look like? You can start a new thread if you want. I need to be better about staying on topic!

beth

Thank you masonbor. I feel like just tom hanks on Cast away lying in the wood boat, waiting to loose everything or hope God helps me escape.

OpuGirl,
Yes hypnic jerks when about to sleep, all over the body, hands, arms, feet, even my lips Jerk. During the day my head jerks its a night mare.

My thyroid tests are all fine