I’m pushing loved ones away. Struggling with lyme..

Hi everyone I’ve recently pushed someone I love away . I kept her sidelined and wouldn’t commit to her. Anyhow this disease scares me and when things get bad I want to run and hide. From everyone and everything. It’s not really what I want but it’s what I do. It was two weeks ago she brought her daughter over to visit and I started feeling dizzy and sick and she had intentions of staying the night without asking me prior. Well I needed space and she kept bugging me if we’re in a relationship or not. I needed to run and hide and I told her to back off. Well that was about it. She went and found someone else a few days later. I knew I can’t give her a normal relationship. I feel like a complete burden to her and others. She really means a lot to me and I want her with me. It’s been hard on the outside looking. I never really knew how to explain my daily struggles to her. Or maybe she really just don’t get it... anyone else push people away? I’d love to hear stories of how to cope with this situation. Or perhaps advise. I opened up to her but she still chose to see this other man.... I’m pushing everyone away.. it’s hard to explain but it’s been the process as my health gets worse... I miss her and want her back . And I need to prevent further damage to the few that still have my back. Advice/stories anyone?

I am sorry that you are struggling. I completely understand how you feel, having a chronic illness not only affects myself but the other people in my life as well. Dealing with daily pain and the emotions that come with it is really hard. I have learned that for many people unless they have actually gone through some short of pain themselves wether it being physical or emotional it is very hard for them to fully relate to how I am feeling but I also think that it is very important to be totally upfront and honest with our loved ones about how we are feeling. I tried to hide my feelings of depersonalized from my family and friends for years, I felt like I would be a burden to them or that they would think that I was weird but doing so did not benefit anybody, instead of them knowing that I was struggling with a scary symptoms they thought that I was just being antisocial and moody, now that they know how I feel if I need some time alone they understand it is not that I don't want to talk to them it's just that my brain needs time to desensitize. If you have an open conversation with someone even if they can not fully relate to your symptoms I feel like anyone who really cares about you would be supportive and respect if you need a day or two to yourself. Dealing with the life that we were given its important to surround ourselves with positive people who can be supportive and understand that we are trying our best and sometimes when we are in pain we say or do things that we do not mean. I hope this helps you a little and at least know that you are not alone with how you are feeling.

Post Edited (CalmLittleBuddha) : 4/27/2019 8:37:31 AM (GMT-6)

My self esteem has taken a huge dive with this disease.

I’m married and it has been very hard on our relationship.

I feel worthless - like a dead weight - not contributing much if anything to our relationship/household.

How attractive is that??

My husband says he’s in it for the long haul but I keep questioning that and just feel like he’d be better off without me.

Wow this is great to hear back from others. Thanks so much. I’m completely lost with trying to figure out how to heal. Losing her right now is terrible. I’m so upset about it and I somehow gotta stay strong with this illness. It’s like I can go out and make a new hobby or exercise like previous breakups..

She’s been in my life a few years. But for the past 10
Months she has liked me.. she had told me multiple times. She even told me she loved me about a month ago.. I just kept her in the friend zone. It’s this illness. I felt horrible. I constantly wanted to hide. I keep running across people using the term depersonalization and I believe it’s me. I almost feel selfish because she wanted me and I was to concerned with my health slipping away. It consumed me... I love this girl but I don’t know how to win her back... I just hope in time I have another chance.. perhaps that will happen if she really does love me.. She really deserves to know I love her and hopefully the time comes that I can erase my mistakes and make her feel wanted.. lyme is not just a physical disease.. the mental part is changing my life

You all have great words and personal stories. I will try and be straightforward like Buddha says. Great advice. Thanks

And girlie I completely understand how you feel... my self esteem is also gone. I felt like a complete burden to this girl.

Thanks again for sharing some stories and experiences with me.. this group is really helping me keep
Myself together

Thanks astroman.
I do appreciate all the words. I know a relationship is optional. I’ve been single quite some time. Since 2013. The whole situation has me sick and it can’t be good with being sick... there’s many ways for me to look at this and I can’t help but to blame myself for not committing to a relationship. Or go about getting space the way I did. I didn’t have to tell her to back off. A lot of what you said makes sense though. She told me she loved me but she’s in another relationship in less than a week. I have a lot of mixed feelings about that

I told her about a month ago if she wants to be with me just to stay with me be by my side until I heal. It will show me you care.. she just kept persisting for a relationship. And it’s really what I wanted. It’s just this illness it has me in such a bad place. I feel worthless, selfish,afraid, and it constantly changes as symptoms change. I don’t know how to express this to her. So I guess it was me that left her on the back burner. She had to know I cared. I did everything in my power to give her and her daughter a good time. She lives 35 minutes from me. There were days I could barely drive and I’d go see her. I would help her with house projects when I could. Buy them dinner. Take them places. Even though it was near impossible for me.. I love them and it’s so hard for me to cope that I’ve been replaced. I spilled my guts to her about my feelings and she said she wants to continue seeing him..

I really admire those who stick together through this mess. Your very lucky people.

Wow . That’s great he’s still there. I’m envious. And I get it. It makes for such an awkward situation when you don’t even know how to explain what’s happening sometimes. How am I going to go to a soccer game or take you to the cabin... how are we supposed to feel?? I watch my life slowly disappear the last 3 years.. I went from extremely fit to can barely move. How does that not change you who you are??? Everyday being afraid of what the heck is next. There’s even nights that I accepted my own death. I don’t know how I woke up the next day... how could I keep this girl happy.? I asked her to stick by me. None of my friends understand. They just tell me well you left her uncommitted for ten months.. I can’t win..

This is such a lonely disease. I really learned who cares about me

I like what astroman says about being single and being okay with it. Yes, society and advertising condition us to think that being in a relationship is required for happiness.

It isn't.

But anyway I can relate with the frustration, of people leaning in on you for one thing or another.

I am in a situation where the understanding is at maybe 30-50%, and on worse days about 0-10% with a chance of a conniption fit.

It's weird, the palsy of feelings, like I still sorta interact with people, sorta like I used to, and I see that people respond the way they used to, helpful and friendly, but I feel really detached, acting appropriately but feeling apathetic. I guess that's a tangent, but given that, I don't think I can be there for anyone's emotional needs right now, even if they were low maintenance.

I wouldn't expect a "normal" girlfriend to understand, unless maybe she was also sick, or was very understanding.

I understand the hesitation in trying to explain to someone or if things move quickly, that presents more problems.

Maybe you could just be single for awhile.

And I should say one can be perfectly miserable without others also, being that the quality of life can be really poor at times with tick borne disease, I don't want to put anyone through that extra burden.

edit: added some things

Post Edited (borrelioburgdorferii) : 4/28/2019 6:57:57 AM (GMT-6)

Thanks 10lyme.

This isn’t all her fault. I could have showed more affection to her. Like I said I left her sidelined... I really don’t have an excuse for being distant. Ten months she tried.. well I don’t know if lyme was an excuse but I was really lost within myself. I still am. I hid from her and my friends..

She’s someone I love. I just can’t believe how fast she moved into a relationship. I thought she loved me. I’ve been getting texts from friends saying what happened. I guess she’s posting things on her Facebook account. She’s apparently infatuated with her new fling. I feel abandoned even under the circumstances I gave her. I feel terrible pushing her out....

The last few weeks have been a mental strain. I really miss my best friend

Hi mbressi02, I am so glad that you have opened up to some friends and have found support and it's great that you are seeing a counselor! I am wondering if the girl you were seeing has a cluster B disorder. I hope that helps, let me know what you think.

Post Edited (CalmLittleBuddha) : 6/10/2019 9:05:50 AM (GMT-6)

Oh, I understand now, I am wondering if the guy she is seeing has a Cluster B disorder then, these disorders are not talked about too often, I never even knew these type of people existed until my sister got involved with one. It's so hard to explain but Cluster Bs have such an affect on their target that you can actually become addicted to them, you are so intoxicated that nothing else in your life matters. If your friend is seeing a cluster B she is not thinking clearly, her brain is on a drug. I know a woman who had a great marriage but left her husband for a cluster B who she met in less than a year. But the thing is these relationships do not last, they become toxic and end very badly usally leaving the target with PTSD. I don't know if this is the case for sure but just think maybe this girl can't help her self she is being conned into a fake relationship by an expert manipulator,

Post Edited (CalmLittleBuddha) : 6/10/2019 9:38:54 AM (GMT-6)