Waxing and Waning Depression / Sadness

Does anyone else experience this?

Before Lyme, I considered myself pretty strong mentally and actively worked on improving emotional intelligence, resilience, and positivity- mainly through meditation. I felt I was pretty good at controlling my mind vs my mind controlling me.

But since Lyme found me, I’ve been dealing with cycling extremes of hopelessness, being alone in this fight, emotional lability, and an overall lack of happiness or joy. This is never a permanent state, some days are much worse than others. Sometimes it happens with flares/herxes, but other times on its own.

And other days, I feel so full of hope, positivity, love, compassion, and belief that I will beat this disease for good.

I’ve also noticed that any mental adversity sends me to the bottom pretty quick, and can even cause a temporary flare of neuro issues.

Anyone else experience this? Any advice or ideas what to do. The mental lows are very hard, and I’m concerned it is beginning to affect those around me also...and man, they’re all I’ve got.

I’m apprehensive about anti-depressants, but am open to the idea if others have found them very helpful.

Yes. I have had bouts of hopelessness and wanting to die, feeling weighed down like this will never end and I will never get better. I also have emotional lability including bouts of strong irritability, quick temperedness, even rage. I also have periods of joy and hopefulness and knowing that nothing is impossible with God and believing He still has a plan for my life and good things in store for me.

I can tell that the lability is related to either toxicity or hormones or neurotransmitters of some sort. It would be wonderful to have some handy dandy body scanner to measure those things at the moment those shifts occur and compare them to learn what is actually happening and figure why and how to fix it. Sometimes I have clues as to what is driving it but not provable data that I can use to formulate an accurate plan to recover.

I have similar mental issues, too, and mine are getting worse. If I have mental stress trying to make a decision or figure out what to do about something, it’s like my brain gets stuck and I get very irritable and stutter and have difficulty word finding. I can fly off the handle very quickly. I used to be a very level headed person who thrived under a moderate amount of stress. My stress tolerance levels are greatly diminished and my cognitive function scares me at times.

Post Edited (WalkingbyFaith) : 1/20/2020 3:36:37 PM (GMT-7)

Agree gut health is like half the battle im realizing.
Been doing paleo for about two weeks now and it’s helping. Wanted to do AIP but it’s just too strict.

Wrote a post on how I think my gut affects me a week or two ago, not sure if it’s all correct but thought it was interesting

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=4177202

GanglionCyster. Oh yeah. I feel you. Something I'm stressed out about will not work out exactly as I needed it to and I will have a little breakdown and start crying. Something that would never have triggered that kind of a response before. It definitely feels chemical - as if my body is breaking down and responding to the stress - it doesn't even feel like it's me sometimes. Part of me can see what is happening and knows that whatever it was isn't that big of a deal. I have no answers as to why. Sometimes I think it is related to digestion, and hormones, or neurotoxicity, or just stress.

I have been having a lot of digestion issues since this began. I'm working with Chinese Herbalists - and their whole thing is that everything should be cooked very thoroughly. No raw food. Small amounts of fruit only, and only the ones with low sugar (plenty of citrus). I even started boiling bottled water in an electric kettle - which seems crazy to me, but I think it helped. I am always sensitive to what kind of water I am drinking. So basically I am eating eggs, brown rice, chicken, steak, salmon, green vegetables, tofu, sweet potatoes, cauliflower and/or squash soup, Kefir, nut butter and some bread that I've been making that is basically brown rice with sunflower seeds. I try to cook with lots of ginger, garlic and tamari. Sometimes I think I am being crazy and I'm so sick of cooking - but if I stray from this then things start to go badly, if you know what I mean. I don't think this is Paleo or Keto exactly - it's just a set of parameters I've developed.

All that being said, the emotional rollercoaster of this is really the hardest thing to deal with. I just moved to a new city, but I definitely need to find a new therapist. Some insurance will cover it. I am putting too much on my partner right now - and I think it's really healthy to get outside support.

The lack of joy is something that I think about a lot. There has to be a lesson in this - maybe it's to recalibrate where the joy comes from. Writing this is making me think that maybe I can try to consciously cultivate it - try and find it, since it isn't coming so easily. And lastly, all I can say is that this is a very isolating illness in every way. It's very hard to explain to people how you feel physically - and I think it's hard for people to wrap their heads around. The mood swings and depression are chemical and physiological in lots of ways, and I can feel that - but also it might just be good ol fashioned depression. This illness is extremely challenging.

As for anti-depressants, I've been on them on and off for 20 years. I didn't change my prescription when I got lyme, and I really don't think boosting it would help. For me, I can tell that what is happening physiologically is outside of that realm. The crying jags I sometimes have aren't connected to anything, except maybe frustration. Sometimes it feels like I needed to detox, to release something. I hope this is somewhat helpful. You are not alone!

The thoughts presented so far are all I can relate to. The only part missing, lately, are the "periods of joy" mentioned by WBF. That is not happening anymore, which is concerning.

As dcd mentions, I also believe the gut plays such a role. Like dcd, I am not a cook and struggle with that. When I do cook it's not enough to keep up any weight as I have lost so much body fat. So I mix it up and do the best I can with it. But staying away from junk foods or drinks - processed foods, sugary snacks, soft drinks, caffeine, dairy, etc... does make a difference. The only problem here is I'm limited in the amount of protein usually eaten because of kidney issues.

We can all relate to wishing there was a body scan that would tell us what is wrong. I have to keep my mind occupied or I start obsessing about whether my biggest problem is Lyme and co-infections, EBV or autoimmune. It causes frustration and deep depression. I actually don't buy things for my house because I get in these moods where I don't know how long I'll be using it. Then there's anxiety......

But, again, I can't agree more with the assessment about how much the gut plays into all of this.

I am a good cook and do so all the time but I still have problems because of MCAS. I believe that plays a role in gut inflammation and then adrenal issues afterward. One small slip and it's like a landslide. Sheesh.
I am feeling like gut healing and DNRS combined may have a lot of hope

Thanks all,

My mood is out of that dark, negative, obsessive recurring thought pattern currently. Still subdued and down but a bit better. CBD seems to help a bit.

Just knowing that I’m not experiencing these feelings/emotions/symptoms alone is comforting.

Everyone mentioning gut health has really got me thinking about adjusting my diet a bit. I haven’t had any issues at all with my gut/digestive tract through out the 7 or so months since treatment started. I take a 50billion/10 strain probiotic daily, don’t eat gluten, red meat, limit my dairy to yogurt, don’t drink alcohol etc.

But I eat a lot of carbs specifically refined carbs such as jasmine rice & lots of corn chips.

I was a cook in my former life, and should be able to eat healthier. I plan on reducing refined carbs, reducing carb intake in general, and slowly work my way up to fasting - as per Pirouette’s inspirational experience.

PandaFox, you pretty much nailed my experience. Your timeline is also really similar to mine. Thanks for the kind words and thoughts. Are you currently treating, and if so, what with?

Thank you, all of you. I don’t know where I would be with out this forum.

GanglionCyster said...

Thank you, all of you. I don’t know where I would be with out this forum.

I'd like to echo this sentiment. Having others to share the experience with is priceless

PandaFox said...
GanglionCyster. Oh yeah. I feel you. Something I'm stressed out about will not work out exactly as I needed it to and I will have a little breakdown and start crying. Something that would never have triggered that kind of a response before. It definitely feels chemical - as if my body is breaking down and responding to the stress - it doesn't even feel like it's me sometimes. Part of me can see what is happening and knows that whatever it was isn't that big of a deal. I have no answers as to why. Sometimes I think it is related to digestion, and hormones, or neurotoxicity, or just stress.
I have been having a lot of digestion issues since this began. I'm working with Chinese Herbalists - and their whole thing is that everything should be cooked very thoroughly. No raw food. Small amounts of fruit only, and only the ones with low sugar (plenty of citrus). I even started boiling bottled water in an electric kettle - which seems crazy to me, but I think it helped. I am always sensitive to what kind of water I am drinking. So basically I am eating eggs, brown rice, chicken, steak, salmon, green vegetables, tofu, sweet potatoes, cauliflower and/or squash soup, Kefir, nut butter and some bread that I've been making that is basically brown rice with sunflower seeds. I try to cook with lots of ginger, garlic and tamari. Sometimes I think I am being crazy and I'm so sick of cooking - but if I stray from this then things start to go badly, if you know what I mean. I don't think this is Paleo or Keto exactly - it's just a set of parameters I've developed.
All that being said, the emotional rollercoaster of this is really the hardest thing to deal with. I just moved to a new city, but I definitely need to find a new therapist. Some insurance will cover it. I am putting too much on my partner right now - and I think it's really healthy to get outside support.
The lack of joy is something that I think about a lot. There has to be a lesson in this - maybe it's to recalibrate where the joy comes from. Writing this is making me think that maybe I can try to consciously cultivate it - try and find it, since it isn't coming so easily. And lastly, all I can say is that this is a very isolating illness in every way. It's very hard to explain to people how you feel physically - and I think it's hard for people to wrap their heads around. The mood swings and depression are chemical and physiological in lots of ways, and I can feel that - but also it might just be good ol fashioned depression. This illness is extremely challenging.
As for anti-depressants, I've been on them on and off for 20 years. I didn't change my prescription when I got lyme, and I really don't think boosting it would help. For me, I can tell that what is happening physiologically is outside of that realm. The crying jags I sometimes have aren't connected to anything, except maybe frustration. Sometimes it feels like I needed to detox, to release something. I hope this is somewhat helpful. You are not alone!

I'm with you all on this. Such a struggle to maintain a positive mood or even just stay in the same mood for more than 20 minutes. And it doesn't feel like "i'm" actually faking it - almost like it's overlayed on top.

What's this bread you speak of?! I'm so curious! I eat almost exactly the same way!

I haven’t been on for a few months due to visual issues from neuro lyme. This was the first post that I clicked on and it resonated so much with me. I too and trying to control my out of control emotions and mood and function normal in the presence of people. My fog and comprehension are so bad a conversation is nearly impossible.
Just getting on to my home protocol. One month in. Lithium orotate I take at night along with BHI calm to help relax and sleep
A few others to work in arrive today along with some stuff for detox. Just hoping for positive movement.

So many people use the Buhner protocol, but it seems so hard, because my impression is that you are doing it on your own. Hard to know when and how to adjust. I do appreciate Zhang because you check in once a month and they keep track of all your symptoms and adjust and switch up the herbs if it seems like one isn't working anymore. It's probably more expensive than Buhner - about $350/mo. Please feel free to email me anytime. I'm here!