Feeling guilty over being sick

I've been feeling extremely guilty the past few days that I didn't go see a doctor with the insect bite that infected me with bartonella in summer 2019. I almost went because I found it strange that it was a bit red and swollen, but then I decided against it because I thought it's probably nothing, that it's just a little irritated. For some reason I took a pic of it anyway. I still have it and I hate it. The bite disappeared and I completely forgot about it. I remembered it again at some point on my search for an answer last year when I was in hospital. I showed the pic to a doctor, she was kind but young and said it's nothing. And yesterday my mom told me that her workmate had an insect bite which was red and swollen and she went to her doctor right away and got antibiotics. Why didn't I do the same? Why didn't I go? I know I can't change it anymore now, but it's eating at me that I could be healthy now if I didn't make that mistake. I could've saved myself so much pain and suffering. My mom saying "I told you to go see the doctor back then" didn't help. It's depressing.

Cherry, you could have gone and still be in this mess. The abx don’t always work. Some of us are just vulnerable. The seed has to fall on fertile soil in the first place, and there’s no way to know what would have happened, so it’s not your fault

dcd2103 said...
Cherry, you could have gone and still be in this mess. The abx don’t always work. Some of us are just vulnerable. The seed has to fall on fertile soil in the first place, and there’s no way to know what would have happened, so it’s not your fault

Thank you so much for saying that, it really hit deep when I read it just now. I think it's just what I needed to hear. Huge hugs for you