How do you explain your absence from society, because of Lyme, to others?

Hi HealingWell, apologies for my third post so swiftly and thank you for all the help I have received. I truly hope that it helps others too, to talk about this stuff. The title of this post might not be that descriptive (i did try) so I'll try to explain a bit better what I meant.

Let's say you apply to a job and there is such a large gap in your resume due to Lyme, how do you explain that? I mean obviously tell the truth, but how do you really explain it so they understand?

Or you are trying to get married one day, but whenever you meet someone, you don't have much to talk about because the last decade of your life has revolved around Lyme and how to fix it?

Or you're just trying to make friends in life but you face the same problem that you have lived in isolation and they don't find you that interesting? It's hard to follow their conversations maybe.

Education could be another difficult one, where maybe you are now the oldest one in the class, if you're going back to school or college.

I hope this makes better sense than the title I picked. One last thing: I put Lyme in the title but I meant everyone here: lyme patients, mold illness, morgellons, bartonella, babesia, mycoplasma etc. Thank you.

Hi McLovin,

As for jobs, most likely they will ask about the gap. You could respond that you were unable to work during that time from chronic illness. You could offer that explanation even if they don’t ask.

As for meeting a potential mate and making new friends, one option is to adjust your own expectations. Instead of trying to pick up your life where you left off, one option is to embrace a new life and the altered person you are. Even if your physical health is fully recovered, the experience itself has forever changed you in mind, body, soul, and spirit. You have experienced a unique, life-altering trauma that few understand. Kind of like combat veterans or young cancer survivors.

That said, you will likely find more fulfilling companionship with people who are more sensible to the needs and suffering of others and probably have some life experience of adversity or caring for someone who has. Depending on what kind of people you used to run with and gravitate to, you might need to seek out friends in different places or different ages.

The first thought that crossed my mind when I read your post was to suggest something outside the parameters of your question. I have not actually done this, but I think a great idea would be to volunteer yourself somewhere - either to an organization or a neighbor, friend, or family member in need.

Helping someone else is an all-around win. It gets our minds off ourselves (which we desperately need). It provides needed service, companionship, or conversation for someone in need. It provides a way for us to interact more with other people without the typical social pressures, and opens up opportunities to get to know people on a more genuine level. Those people might also introduce us to other people. The fact that you’re volunteering also means you can do something when you’re feeling good and not on bad days.

Post Edited (WalkingbyFaith) : 11/20/2021 6:06:19 AM (GMT-7)

i am just at the point of starting to look for part time work. or i would be if i wasn't full of cold right now and also i need to move house in the next few weeks so being as part time will need to be local - realistically, it will probably have to wait until i have moved - but its on my mind.

i was approach by a recruiter via linked in a little prematurely a few weeks ago - they had a very interesting job on their books and i was a good fit according to my profile - but i had not updated linked in with my health status - and that of course put a bit of a different twist on the conversation.

knowing that i was not well enough for a full time role i wouldn't have responded but the initial details said that the incumbent was retiring and that made me think that perhaps just maybe there was an opportunity for some kind of staged start - with overlap with the incumbent - not uncommon with senior roles. But it soon became clear that the incumbent had already left and employer wanted someone to heat the ground running and the job would likely be 12hrs days with international travel - so had to bow out. The recruiter was clearly interested in what illness had taken me out for nearly 7 years and also wanted to be able to explain that absence to his client.
it was hard to know what to tell them - in the end i just said it was a chronic illness that was slowly resolving and focussed on what i could do rather than what i couldn't - ie i can work 4hrs per day at the moment and this is gradually improving.

i am not sure how much of this is different in different cultures - but over here, in the UK, Lyme is very little known still - let alone co-infections. The general view is often that its a tick borne disease in America mainly, and not something they have to worry about. The people who have heard about it generally have the mainstream belief that its an easily diagnosable and treatable condition and that chronic Lyme suffers are some kind of malingering hypochondriacs, or at least just one step away from all out crazy.

you can see how, especially for senior roles, where they want dependable people because the employer has a lot at stake - associating yourself with any kind of mysterious illness is a big black mark against you, especially one which has any overtones of crazy associated with it.

i think the idea of some kind of post infectious syndrome is becoming more accepted and less stigmatised in the era of long COVID. So although Chronic Lyme is not necessarily a post infectious syndrome - it may be an option to explain the illness as such - to avoid it being so mysterious to them - give them something comfortable to hang it on - and avoid or any association with mental health issues or impaired judgement.

Running wild - Totally understand that finding someone who understands all of that is difficult. I had the same perspective but to my surprise I found someone and we moved in together a few months ago. There’s still challenges and struggles but she supports the journey I’m on and it’s made me more open to seeing the humanity in others’ shortcoming. I’m sure there’s a gap in age between you and I which brings differences in the whole dating experience but I wanted to give a hopeful note on that specific part for yourself or anyone else who will read this

running wild said...
It's hard to find someone who really can understand "I can't drink (nor want to), stay out very late, eat at a lot of different restaurants, and I may have to cancel plans if I have a bad run of things. Oh, and I may cry for no reason ."

That made me laugh!!