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Posted 7/12/2023 8:57 AM (GMT 0)
Having a bad day/evening.

My short term memory has recovered somewhat - but not fully.
I can deal with that… but my husband was quite insensitive this evening and it has upset me.

We were watching tv and I had the remote - he asked me to go to the show we had started watching the night before.

So I went to Crave on the schedule - and he said there’s a faster way - remember?
Just press the “On demand” button on the remote and it will take you to the show.

I looked at the remote for a minute to find that button and he said “I showed you yesterday… remember?”


Then I vaguely remembered something about it.

Then he went on about I should try supplements to help my brain/memory.
But he was talking in a stern manner like I was a child.

I know my memory isn’t as good as it was - but it has improved over time.

Just venting I guess.

I hate Lyme !
Posted 7/12/2023 11:57 AM (GMT 0)
don't let it get to you Girlie

everyone is entitled to have a bad day - and we all tend to get a bit less patient as we get older ( even without lyme).

in the bigger picture - The guy has stuck with you all through Lyme and Lyme treatment - that is a rare and wonderful thing

i know it hurts to have your sore spots prodded - but i would say, cut him some slack - probably going through his own stuff that day

all the best!!
Posted 7/12/2023 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
Think of how far you’ve come. Compare to your worst times. I’d say a LONG way.

And as Garzie mentioned, your husband has done more than my ex wife ever would have or did.

Hang in there with it all. Lot of positives for you.
Posted 7/12/2023 5:27 PM (GMT 0)

Girlie said...
Having a bad day/evening.

My short term memory has recovered somewhat - but not fully.
I can deal with that… but my husband was quite insensitive this evening and it has upset me.

We were watching tv and I had the remote - he asked me to go to the show we had started watching the night before.

So I went to Crave on the schedule - and he said there’s a faster way - remember?
Just press the “On demand” button on the remote and it will take you to the show.

I looked at the remote for a minute to find that button and he said “I showed you yesterday… remember?”


Then I vaguely remembered something about it.

Then he went on about I should try supplements to help my brain/memory.
But he was talking in a stern manner like I was a child.

I know my memory isn’t as good as it was - but it has improved over time.

Just venting I guess.

I hate Lyme !

A stern manner would make me feel offended or hurt as well like ad if the person was annoyed with me or something. Especially if we grew up in a household or around people who invalidated us often or used that tone where it seems like they don't have patience with us in the moment. It happens to me loads with different ppl and idk if it's the bartonella but I'll snap back and rage at them or cry even though I don't want to. Idk if it's a mixture of my bartonella and me being invalidated and talked down on by narcissistic people! I've learned to try not to take it too personal bt it's easier said than done. Hopefully your husband will be a little more mindful if you bring this to his attention. Also think about how your memory was before, probably in a way better place now.

Post Edited (MedicalNerd) : 7/12/2023 9:35:59 AM (GMT-8)

Posted 7/12/2023 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
I’m sorry, girlie. I am in the same shoes as your husband with my mother. She has serious memory and cognitive issues. I have never been a patient person, but I have been absolutely horrible with my mother. I love her more than anyone else on this earth, but I let my frustration with our circumstances turn me into a hateful jerk. I ask her and God to forgive me, but then I do it all over again.

I remember my mother treating her mother the same way during the year before she died, when my mother was taking care of her. I think part of it is the internal and unspoken anger and helplessness that someone feels when their loved one is no longer the same and there’s nothing they can do about it. A lot of times it can be easier to have compassion and patience with a stranger than the person closest to you, because what has changed them also changes your own life in ways you don’t want and didn’t ask for.

God, help us all to LOVE.

I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

I John 4:8 (NKJV)
“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

1 John 4:18 (NKJV)
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

Post Edited (WalkingbyFaith) : 7/12/2023 11:34:52 AM (GMT-8)

Posted 7/12/2023 7:32 PM (GMT 0)

Garzie said...
don't let it get to you Girlie

everyone is entitled to have a bad day - and we all tend to get a bit less patient as we get older ( even without lyme).

in the bigger picture - The guy has stuck with you all through Lyme and Lyme treatment - that is a rare and wonderful thing

i know it hurts to have your sore spots prodded - but i would say, cut him some slack - probably going through his own stuff that day

all the best!!

Thanks Garzie
You are right - he was not only having a bad day - but a bad several weeks.
He recently got a promotion at work and it’s a very stressful position.
When he got the promotion he came home and said “ you can quit your job now Girlie - I’m getting a raise”
(I work at a job that is fast paced physically demanding - and I’m pretty tired at the end of the shift.)

He is a good guy - and he loves our cat - what more do I need.
Posted 7/12/2023 7:35 PM (GMT 0)

running wild said...
Think of how far you’ve come. Compare to your worst times. I’d say a LONG way.

And as Garzie mentioned, your husband has done more than my ex wife ever would have or did.

Hang in there with it all. Lot of positives for you.

Thanks running wild - yup he has stuck by my side.
Posted 7/12/2023 7:41 PM (GMT 0)

MedicalNerd said...

Girlie said...
Having a bad day/evening.

My short term memory has recovered somewhat - but not fully.
I can deal with that… but my husband was quite insensitive this evening and it has upset me.

We were watching tv and I had the remote - he asked me to go to the show we had started watching the night before.

So I went to Crave on the schedule - and he said there’s a faster way - remember?
Just press the “On demand” button on the remote and it will take you to the show.

I looked at the remote for a minute to find that button and he said “I showed you yesterday… remember?”


Then I vaguely remembered something about it.

Then he went on about I should try supplements to help my brain/memory.
But he was talking in a stern manner like I was a child.

I know my memory isn’t as good as it was - but it has improved over time.

Just venting I guess.

I hate Lyme !

A stern manner would make me feel offended or hurt as well like ad if the person was annoyed with me or something. Especially if we grew up in a household or around people who invalidated us often or used that tone where it seems like they don't have patience with us in the moment. It happens to me loads with different ppl and idk if it's the bartonella but I'll snap back and rage at them or cry even though I don't want to. Idk if it's a mixture of my bartonella and me being invalidated and talked down on by narcissistic people! I've learned to try not to take it too personal bt it's easier said than done. Hopefully your husband will be a little more mindful if you bring this to his attention. Also think about how your memory was before, probably in a way better place now.

////////////////////

Thanks MedicalNerd.
Sorry you were treated like that growing up.
I was teased a lot as a child - my older sister and brother would tease me and I would cry. Then they’d say “Peep, peep, peep”
Luckily my dad would step in.
Posted 7/12/2023 7:46 PM (GMT 0)

WalkingbyFaith said...
I’m sorry, girlie. I am in the same shoes as your husband with my mother. She has serious memory and cognitive issues. I have never been a patient person, but I have been absolutely horrible with my mother. I love her more than anyone else on this earth, but I let my frustration with our circumstances turn me into a hateful jerk. I ask her and God to forgive me, but then I do it all over again.

I remember my mother treating her mother the same way during the year before she died, when my mother was taking care of her. I think part of it is the internal and unspoken anger and helplessness that someone feels when their loved one is no longer the same and there’s nothing they can do about it. A lot of times it can be easier to have compassion and patience with a stranger than the person closest to you, because what has changed them also changes your own life in ways you don’t want and didn’t ask for.

God, help us all to LOVE.

I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

I John 4:8 (NKJV)
“He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

1 John 4:18 (NKJV)
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

I think it’s easier to unload on the people we are closest to because they’re there at the time and quite frankly a friend would likely not take it.
Posted 7/12/2023 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys - I feel better now. I shouldn’t be so sensitive.

Sometimes I think about the past several years when I was feeling so awful - it’s kinda depressing - 5 + years lost to this disease.
But on a positive note - life is good again and I’m making up for lost time.
We are going on a holiday in a few days - we are going to a really nice hotel - and we have tickets for the Van Gogh show.(look it up - if you don’t know what it is.)
Then the next evening we are going to see the Buchart Gardens fireworks festival.
You can google that too.
Kind of a staycation as we don’t need to leave the island to see them.
Posted 7/12/2023 9:07 PM (GMT 0)
Girlie,

Hope you and hubby enjoy your staycation. Sounds like it will be a special time. It’s really good to hear that life is good for you now.
Posted 7/13/2023 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
Someone doesn't get a lifetime gold star just for staying with someone who has a chronic illness. While many people do leave relationships when their partners' illnesses become disabling, someone doesn't get to treat their partner disrespectfully just because they stick around. Girlie deserves better!

I'm sure overall your husband is great, Girlie, but it's absolutely fair to ask that he not speak to you in a condescending manner in the future. He can express concerns and make suggestions as an equal partner, even if he feels worried or frustrated.

I know you have a solid relationship, based on other posts you've made about him, and I'm sure you will talk this through in a healthy way.
Posted 7/15/2023 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
People also just remember things differently. My mom complains about my dad's memory and my dad complains about my mom's memory.
They both just remember different things.

When I had covid, I started forgetting my friends names. It is easy for someone to take it personally when you forget something that seems obvious to the other person.
Posted 7/15/2023 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes,) maybe most of the time?), I don’t know, memory and brain fog come hand-in-hand.

There can be an unbelievable amount of reasons for both.

I’ll kinds of supplements for this, one that I hadn’t heard of until now is B1. I’m going to try it myself.
Posted 7/16/2023 12:57 AM (GMT 0)

Girlie said...

MedicalNerd said...

Girlie said...
Having a bad day/evening.

My short term memory has recovered somewhat - but not fully.
I can deal with that… but my husband was quite insensitive this evening and it has upset me.

We were watching tv and I had the remote - he asked me to go to the show we had started watching the night before.

So I went to Crave on the schedule - and he said there’s a faster way - remember?
Just press the “On demand” button on the remote and it will take you to the show.

I looked at the remote for a minute to find that button and he said “I showed you yesterday… remember?”


Then I vaguely remembered something about it.

Then he went on about I should try supplements to help my brain/memory.
But he was talking in a stern manner like I was a child.

I know my memory isn’t as good as it was - but it has improved over time.

Just venting I guess.

I hate Lyme !

A stern manner would make me feel offended or hurt as well like ad if the person was annoyed with me or something. Especially if we grew up in a household or around people who invalidated us often or used that tone where it seems like they don't have patience with us in the moment. It happens to me loads with different ppl and idk if it's the bartonella but I'll snap back and rage at them or cry even though I don't want to. Idk if it's a mixture of my bartonella and me being invalidated and talked down on by narcissistic people! I've learned to try not to take it too personal bt it's easier said than done. Hopefully your husband will be a little more mindful if you bring this to his attention. Also think about how your memory was before, probably in a way better place now.

////////////////////

Thanks MedicalNerd.
Sorry you were treated like that growing up.
I was teased a lot as a child - my older sister and brother would tease me and I would cry. Then they’d say “Peep, peep, peep”
Luckily my dad would step in.

/////////////////////////////////

I need a lifetime of therapy for it. Well hopefully not lol and awww sorry to hear that.

Post Edited By Moderator (Girlie) : 7/15/2023 11:15:15 PM (GMT-8)

Posted 7/17/2023 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi I can understand that and I m also feeling quite down time to time. I think we chronic Lyme patients, who have constant disturbance and irritation of nerve system, that includes depression, depersonalisation, derealisation, lack of perspective and meaning to ones life and experience.
Perhaps we need to know and apply ways of how to remedy these symptoms and supports of mental health, psyche, mood, perhaps best by natural resources like yoga, herbs, mind training or more like psychoterapy or eventuall also pills that bring more serotonin, dopamine, etc and give joy and relaxation so that one can just feel normal or be back to ordinary human reality. Back from doom of low, dark realms that this disease naturally brings.
I can understand very well people with chronic lyme committing suicide. Perhaps to treat psyche and normal sense of self is equally important as treating physical aspects like taking Atx and all other necessary medication... Personally I too, am struggling with this point and perhaps like others, sometimes it goes better, sometimes it gets worse and I m more entangled with mental pain and hopelessness.
Posted 7/17/2023 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
I feel you all. Lyme and its Co-Infections have been nothing but a trainwreck into my life and left my from being a 26 year old healthy kickboxing active sportsman to an 28 year old mildly overweight sad sack of chestpain and heart palpitations laying in bed for DAYS.

This life is hard and we all understand that even the smallest discomfort, that might look like nothing to 'normies' can be the last drop to make the barrel overflow.

Even tho I am new: Hang in there Girlie and stay strong. Eventually your memory will increase even further.

Best wishes.
Posted 7/18/2023 4:09 AM (GMT 0)

BlazerGermany said...
I feel you all. Lyme and its Co-Infections have been nothing but a trainwreck into my life and left my from being a 26 year old healthy kickboxing active sportsman to an 28 year old mildly overweight sad sack of chestpain and heart palpitations laying in bed for DAYS.

This life is hard and we all understand that even the smallest discomfort, that might look like nothing to 'normies' can be the last drop to make the barrel overflow.

Even tho I am new: Hang in there Girlie and stay strong. Eventually your memory will increase even further.

Best wishes.

Thank you, BlazerGermany!
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