Off Topic ~ Yesterday, tired and wondering if I will ever get to Vermont??

Hi all,

I'm just plain tired and need some time to myself, to relax and do my work.  My mother who will be 84 on New Year's Eve is very demanding and I'm the one who is driving my older brother around to his doctors because my mother has lost some of her driving abilities, she is not as sharp as she used to be.. 

Well yesteray I took brother to his doctor and he was there for 3 hours, yet some good came out of it for me.. It was a huge medical building that had lots of different departments so I checked out the Optical first, going to make an app't to get an Eye Exam (need stronger glasses) and then I noticed a Sleep Center downstairs so I went there because boyfriend suffers from sleep apnea though he is in denial..   I talked to the nice lady there and we had a long conversation not only about sleep apnea (she gave me wonderful information) but I mentioned that I had chronic lyme and she has a friend who is suffering for about 10 years now and not getting better..  So I gave her the name of this forum and my e-mail address..  

Getting back to my original issues, how could I move to Vermont with my mom getting older and not being able to do the things she used to?  There is no one to take care of her and my older brother is very sick (and when he gets well I don't think he will honestly take care of her, he's a strange person).   As much as I care about my older brother he is the user type and very much into himself..   You know the type (me, me me)...

I feel stuck..  Financially life would be so much easier for me if I sold my house and moved to Vermont where my bestest friend lives..  Long Island is just so expensive!   I don't know how people survive here..   My Mom has money but asking her for any financial help is like trying to pull water from a stone, yes, I love my mother but my mother loves money with a passion..

All I want is total peace and to be alone (with my boyfriend) and everyone is pulling at me at all different directions..

Would I feel guilty if I put my house on the market and left my mother?  YES!!  

Oh golly I don't know what to do...  I am calm but just tired.. 

Denise

I've been through this over and over again - prior to Lyme! Please believe me when I say there is other help available; "Granny Nanny", "hospice", and other home health care workers that will sit with and/or take care of your Mother's driving, pharmacy and medical needs. I took care of both my maternal grandparents for 12 years... (I had a 2 year break after the first 2 yrs. and my grandfather's passing). While I have tremendous feelings of "pride" and "super-womanism" as a rsult of what I did, there is NO WAY I could do this now. Both my mother and her brother (my uncle) were within the same driving distance of my Grandparents.... but neither one of them did ANYTHING!

Please know that there are agencies and people that can help your Mom with everything.... from just sitting with her.... to driving her to doctor appointments... to taking care of her medical bills, etc.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - YOU HAVE TO - ANY THERE IS NO SHAME IN DOING SO. Plus, you can make a plan to visit once a month or every other month.... or however you plan it... just to keep tabs on everything. When my Grandma was sick... I contemplated moving her in with me.... but knew I wouldn't survive (this is pre-Lyme!!!)... so I didn't. It was a 3 hour roundtrip everytime something went wrong and every surgey, etc., etc.

BELIEVE ME - YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR MOTHER!

Hope this helps.

YEA FOR DENISE!!! Happy dance time!!!!!

Jelaine is sooooo right!!! It's actually past time for you!! This I know, because the more I get to know you, the more I see where we are sooo much alike in so many ways! There is no way I could survive in a more populated area! Cities have a way of creating sooo much anxiety for me! I need greenery!!! And dirt!!

I can can take myself fishing any time (only about a 3 minute drive from the house), go out & harvest what many believe to be just 'weeds' (Ok - be nice!! I'm talking about things like mullein, sassafras & others), get dirty in my garden wearing overalls & nobody telling me how silly I look!! Heck even cooking on a wood cook stove doesn't turn many heads here!!

Personally I have found that snow & ice storms are really neat - as long as I can view it from the inside!!!

I do hope that you can make this happen for yourself!! I can tell that you will be able to enjoy yourself - despite the Lyme Disease!!!