Can lyme rage be totally turned in on oneself?

I was going to post this in a reply to Christmas alone/lyme rage, but thought it might be a whole new subject (at least I think that was the subject--too tired to double check)

Has anyone experienced going to the other extreme with their lyme rage?

I've caused some problems with my family in the past because I felt I had no control. After it happening several times, I decided that my behavior was just not acceptable and I felt so bad about it afterwards.

Now, I NEVER express my anger or irritation to anyone. Even to people who really deserve it eg. when I get bad service. While stuff is happening, I can't think of a nice way to correct them because my brain just doesn't work fast enough anymore, so I've "trained" myself to never say anything.

I end up being angry with myself as a result.

I'm not sure if this is lyme related or if I've developed a character flaw.

I can't remember when I've told someone off.

I really want to scream and cry and can't even do this when by myself!

Korissa,

I don't know if it's lyme-related or not.  If you felt this way before you got lyme then perhaps it's just part of your personality due to your environment or upbringing. 

I don't blame everything on lyme as I was born stubborn and I am still a stubborn person though I have gotten better about that with age.   Also, I was always a curious person, so curious that my Mom bought me a chemistry set when I was a kid and I still love to research.  

So I think all of us have certain traits, whether we are born with them or it's a product of our upbringing and what our parents taught us as children.  

Thus, I'm really not sure...

Denise

My family and I have all struggled with rages and turning that in on ourselves. Lyme? Mental problems? Vitamin and Mineral deficiencies? Who knows? If you are being treated for Lyme and taking care of yourself physically, then you are working on the root causes.

I've found the trick is to step away from the rage, or the guilt or self-hatred. It doesn't define me, it is the chemicals in my mind, the interaction with other people and their chemicals. I am not owned or controlled by my rage -- though sometimes I just need to ride it out. And then let it go. So I rip someone's head off for a seemingly small infraction. I step away from it in my mind and try to see what led up to it, then as soon as I can get the words out, I apologize and try to explain. I am also making it a practice to speak kindly to myself. If I start yelling at myself or constantly criticizing myself I tell me to think about some good I've done and generally be kind to myself.

Mostly I'm trying to be kind to everyone as well as me -- and some days I'm better than other. I look like it like driving. I'm a good driver, but sometimes things happen and I'm the idiot who pulls out in front of someone, or takes that turn a little fast. Other days I let someone into my lane, or do something that prevents an accident or I stop a lost child from running into the road. All those different situations, and I am still me and I'm a good driver, but the result is different and people see me very differently.

Sometimes it is your turn to be the ass or the hero and anything in between. It doesn't mean you are that all the time.

Even Lyme-riddled, our brains can be trained and every time you practice something, it expands that area of your mind.

Practice being kind -- especially to yourself!

When did I become Polly Anna? Blecch!!!

I can be all by myself and get set off! The cat, the housework, objects minding their own business -- it doesn't matter, when it's a bad day.

You're probably right just swallowing it rather than blasting someone. Will what you say really change someone's behavior ?