End of the road.....

Hi +Lyme,

Just wondering how you are doing?   Don't know if you took vacation time or went to work..  If work, any better or the same old thing?

Denise

You are soooo right ttlittlestar!!!

Hey Lyme,

I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. I have been feeling so awful lately with no energy at all. Anyway, you've been on my mind and I was wondering how you were doing? I just want you to know that I care about you and I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.

I saw a commercial about an anti-depressant that you can add to your current anti-depressant if it is not working. I think it's called Ambilify. I've read that it works really well with other anti-depressants and helps within a week or two. I know that the bacteria are causing all of this, but we have to try and make ourselves as comfortable as possible. That's exactly what I'm trying to do with the RA right now.

Anyway, I hope you are doing good. If you want to email instead of post here, please do. Hugs hun:)

+Lyme:

I think many of us feel over the edge of times... But really, it is not about "them" winning, it is your life! Please think about all the positive people and things in your life, think about us... It is the desease that is making you say these things... When I was younger, I have worked with women like that. My sis is in Nursing school right now, and last semester she almost quit bec. the women she had to work with in the hospital, made her life miserable. I thing bullies are looking for someone that they can pick on. I would LOVE to meet the ladies you work with! I am the nicest woman, until you try something like that with me, and I will make your life so miserable, you will feel sooooooooo bad, you will cry!

I would say to them: "you guys, this is getting old, can't you come up with something better"
Or I would just smile and pretend I am sooooooooo happy they would see their little gig is no longer working. Or, I would pretend I am getting so bored and uninterested, to the point their stories are making me fall asleep and then I would ask "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

They feed on you, as your disease feeds on you!

PLEASE LISTEN TO ME: NONE of us wants to loose any more people that are sick to suicide. Please listen to yourself and reavaluate this: WOULD you consider this if you were well, OR they are making you feel worse than you already do, and that puts you over the edge? PLEASE, we are all here, I will check in and you can also email me. ONE of us will be available when you need us! PLEASE remember that we would all be crying if you do what you are sometimes contemplating...

I have went through extreme situations many times in my life. I was not born here and there were people that made my life misserable at times. I have learned to fight back the hard way--I had no family here, they came after I was almost done with Grad School. WHY did I go? BECAUSE I didn't want to work around idiots anymore... I realized I was smarter than them. Yes I quit, but something GREAT came out of it! I am around better people, no need to look back :)

I have had problems with my mom--she married an aweful man and he was not a good father to us... He also hit her, when I was in HS, she was in coma... Please know that I know what you are going through! You can email me and I will give you my number.

God bless you! Oh, and if you don't believe in God, please just buy the bible. I will tell you where to start, so it won't be too overwhelming... That is what I did... I started to read the bible, cut all my ties to my family for 10 mo. Eventually, my mom finally was fed up and left him, I brought her here away from the jerk, and now all is well, she has a good job, and she can see her grandchildren grow, she goes to church (he was not letting her go or visit us). THERE WILL BE BETTER DAYS, hang on!

WHere do you leave, maybe one of us can also meet with you???? The members in the PA forum meet I think once a month. THe lady called me and she was GREAT!

Take care of yourself and don't think like that, please! We don't need more stress in our life with losing another of our own!

It is amazing to me that so many of you are so sick -- sicker than me-- and yet were able to try to help me. I won't name all of you, because it's been every single person on this thread.

I tried w/ all my might last nite to post a response in thanks to all of you who have been helping and supporting me. My puter is running very rough and I lost my piece while trying to post....

ALL of you are right, ALL of you.

I have felt like such a whimp, giving in to all that crap. But, you know, I KNOW it is the disease talking. I would NEVER have tolerated crap like that in my life before, I have ALWAYS spoken out. They are so small and petty that it makes me sick that I took it so hard. But then again, I think it would be hard on anyone to have a meeting where they are attacked by their co-workers so viciously.

At least there are HR records of them having done this to the lady I replaced. At least we've had 2 meetings w/ HR requested, not by me, but by my boss, because of the things she saw and heard. And there is another record of my complaint to HR. HR has TOLD them he has received numerous complaints on them.

It is clear they are not going to change. Because of the times that I have tried to remain positive, staying in an 'up' mood, yet neglecting to become involved in their nasty little wars against others, one of the ladies in our meeting accused me of acting as if I was 'above' them. They're going to turn everythig around. They have to. They refuse to see that it's them.

Only one more time, will I say this and the subject of the 'B's I have to work with will be behind us FOR GOOD, is that I already know about issues in the workplace. Everyone has them. My daughter, who became a bank manager at the age of 23 survived a small bank in which every single one of her employees hated her. But these ladies are the WORST I have EVER seen or dealt with. The way they talk about others is not just negative, it is disgusting. I don't understand how and why people get to this point. Their feeding on each other just seems to make it grow and grow.

I am going to keep my cool. I'm going to hope one or more of them will evntually hang themselves, because I refuse to progress w/ them.

I have not gone back to read my original post -- I probably should. But right now, it seems that a lot of the point is the mental illness this disease wreaks. I don't understand it!!! I'm not gonna kill myself and I'm certainly not going to do it w/o at least reaching out, no matter how sick I am.

It's just so scary that this disease can twist our minds like it does -- I am often afraid that it can twist it bad enough to cause a person to do something they would normally rationally think thru. Isn't that part of the problem? Like the rage, for example? (Haven't had that, thank good ness)

This is my biggest problem w/ this disease and it is so discouraging to learn that this aspect of it has left people feeling like they have no other option. And it's an abomination that so few Drs even know ANYTHING about this disease, which leaves so many people suffering, and alone.

Thank you everyone. No more worries on my issues, OK? I'll come back and cry if I need to, but let's use this thread for others to share what this illness is doing to their minds and how they are handling it, and also perhaps a place where others can reach out for help and comfort.

I thank every one of you again. You are ALL fantastic in spite of all your misery!

OK, I have gone 2 days now w/o the waves of depression. Maybe we are on the upswing?

+Lyme, I too have had to deal with these things. It's actually a wonder my hubby is still with me, after all of the cr@p he has had to put with!! I am very blessed as he has told me "I know that you weren't yourself".

Your quote;
"It's just so scary that this disease can twist our minds like it does -- I am often afraid that it can twist it bad enough to cause a person to do something they would normally rationally think thru. Isn't that part of the problem? Like the rage, for example?"

I can confirm this. I have quite a few periods still where I know that I need to be really, REALLY careful as to what I do & what I say. These things only started happening to me in the last ten years - which have been the worst for me with the tick infections. Little things that would normally not even be noticed by me, can make me want to beat everything I can find into a pulp, and when I realize that that is a very wrong way to react, I just want to sit on the floor & bawl my little eyeballs right out of head! It can get pretty intense sometimes. At that point - in order to quite literally hang onto some sanity, I have to convince myself that in an hour I'll most likely feel differently & if it doesn't change in an hour, then I hold on to tomorrow should at least be different.

I am really glad that you were able to get in a couple of good days!!!
And, please continue to consider emailing me any time to 'work through' something.
We all need a shoulder to lean on from time to time with this disease.

(((hugs))))

Do any of you think of bad things after someone has hurt you? Like getting them back? It's weird because I would NEVER do it, but I "think" about it. Then I catch myself questioning why in the world I am even thinking about this! Some days, I wake up crying because I have just dreamt of my dad that passed away last year and I wake up depressed. It ruins my entire day and nothing makes it better. It's like, I cannot get out of that depressed, angry, or whatever it is at the time, state of mind. You know, I am so glad that we have each other to talk to because noone else truly understands what we feel.

Oh, I have felt the way you have felt too. Exactly the same, in fact. Then, I'm better after a few days and wonder why I was feeling that way. I think it has alot to do with my past and it has a way of creeping up on me when I am feeling bad/down.

I am not too good at comebacks either and I find myself thinking of good ones AFTER the fact, LOL.