Off topic: Lyme and relationships

My approach is: If you don't give it a chance, you will never know.  If she is not supportive, you move on.  If she is supportive, you may find whatever it is you are looking for.  I would give it a try.  I think we can all deserve a little break from our condition, so going out a few times may be good for you and then you can take it from there.  There are very supportive people out there (my hubby is not one of them LOL) that may understand what you are going through, but you have to let them in.  I would not bring LD up on the first 2 dates, UNLESS the person shares a lot of her personal stuff with you.  Have fun, give yourself a break (my suggestion)! 

I think it is hard, especially for men, to understand how it *feels* to be dealing with this illness. I am far luckier than many as I am not bed-ridden, though there are days I am couch-bound, and barely get the basics done. It is hard for him to wrap his brain around how my condition can change day to day, sometimes morning to afternoon. Some days I can go out and run 10 miles, other days I am barely functional.  I felt unsupported, though I knew he believed me. It wasn't until my neighbor died of 'some autoimmune disease, maybe Lupus but no one knows for sure' that he really got the gravity of the situation.  Death was put on the table. I think that made him wake up, so to speak.

I will say, that even though *you* are the one going through this and it sucks, it is not a free pass to be an @** hole. I am not saying you, or anyone here is, but I have seen people do that...they are chronically ill and take it out on everyone. One thing I try to recognize is how hard it is to live with someone who is ill. It is HARD. Add kids into the mix(I have 3)...its alot of responsibility that falls to the *well* person. I can be moody, *****y, angry hard to deal with...and though I don't mean to be that way, its hard for the well person to constantly remind themself that the sick person does not mean to be awful.

I think communication is SO key, it is in any relationship but I try to keep Hubby informed to all things, whether he wants to hear it or not, lol. If I am struggling with my meds, I tell him. If I am feeling sick, tired, in pain, etc...I tell him. I tell him what happens at Dr's appts, or if I need him to help me. And I always, always tell him how much I appreciate his help, and I thank him for what he  does for me. A little gratitude goes a long way!

Now as far as friends/companions...

I have really found out who my friends are as of late. People I *thought* were my friends...clearly are not. It hurts, especially when I felt like we were friends. People who have not walked a mile in your shoes, will never understand. I have found that my inability to commit in advance, I can't always just jump up and go...it doesn't work for people. People *get* an acute illness(cancer, etc) but a chronic illness...not so much. I have had to make new friends, and look to friends I would not have expected would *be there*. 

 My homeschool group is very much OK with us coming when I can. I also belong to a running group who has been INCREDIBLY supportive and genuinely caring...something that took me by surprise. I have also made new friends, as well as maintaining some very important online friends. 

Again, I don't hold it against people...though I was pretty butt-hurt when I first got 'dissed' but I am trying to accept that people *react* often without thinking. One thing this illness has given me is compassion. *I* would never run from someone like me...but people deal with what they are comfortable with and not everyone is comfortable with illness. I have learned that sometimes it is better to just let it go...

I also recognize quality is far better than quantity... :)

Hope this helps...

This was not an relationship, but reading what you wrote reminded me of this.  My company shut down the first of May, 2007.  I got a few interviews right off the bat, because this was the mortgage business and I was in subprime, so one of the first to go down.

I got an interview w/ one company before my old company even closed. After the interview, the manager said she didn't think it would be a good fit, as I had expressed that my ideal job did not include heavy stress and pressure every single day and she was warning that I may not be able to do it.

I was a mortgage processor and a good one. No, I did not like the pressure, but decided I could find a way to work under some pressure w/o stressing too bad. She and I went back and forth a few times -- I assured her that I  could do this job -- I HAD to, I had no other jobs lined up. So she offered me the job.

My other job ended the first of May. Not sure when I got bit, but the tick was removed on MOther's Day 2007.  I'd had it for at least 2 days (per my daughter who had seen it there and thought it was a mole)

 The new job was to start the first of June, so I kept job searching, in hopes I could find something better, altho the $$ were supposed to be good at the new one.  I did not like the idea of jumping into  a job that required constant pressure.

Anyway, I ended up w/ no other options and took this position. IN training, I had to learn a 'new' program, which I had used before, so was familiar -- btw, not user friendly.  But I struggled all thru training w/ this program.  The people training w/ me came from my old company and they didn't understand what was wrong w/ me.  I felt retarded, literally. The trainer was great and helpful, but when it was time to go to my new desk, I was not ready.  I felt completely lost.

We all got clobbered and I struggled thru every single day. I felt lost and I hated every minute of it. My team leader was a snotty little 'B'.  She would say, 'Becky, I already answered that question. Don't you remember?' 'Becky, you need to listen to me when I tell you because you are forgetting what I said.'  'Becky, we hired you as an experienced processor, not as someone who knew nothing.' Speaking as if I was a 2 yr old.

blah blah blah. I was in a fog most of the day, could not get a grip on anything, my team leader insulted me daily (eg: 'So, you are telling me that even tho you know your dogs do not understand what you are saying, you still talk to them?') Crap like that and more crap about the job.

I had to start xanax by early afternoon. I physically hurt from the anxiety on my way home, every muscle in a spasm.  They kept pushing and pushing and pushing and I could not keep up, it was like a living nightmare.

Well, I am positive the job itself WAS stressful, from talking to others, esp some young people that really had it going on, who didn't like the stress, but loved the money.

I had to quit. I could not withstand going home in pain everyday, crying all the way home. Or go in everyday feeling retarded. (please, no offense to those who are. I guess, more like Alzheimers and no offense to those folks either)

It was so bad -- probably one of the worst experiences in my life, and I quit. I couldn't take it, and I had to tell the manager that she was right and that I could not handle the stress.  I had NEVER experienced such misery at a job in my life!

Back to MoralANimal -- Even tho that group went out of business, I would really like to meet my old team leader (I'd love to see her have to wait tables, as I did for 20 years, not knowing what she was doing...) or the manager, and to tell them that I was in the throes of early disseminated Lyme and Babesia. 

Yes, I believe that job was a bit too stressful for me. But I know in my heart that I could have done it til I found another job, I would have just felt stressed for awhile. 

NOW, I wish they could know and maybe feel sorry. And understand that I was not near as STUPID as they thought I was!  WEll, they wouldn't really understand anyway, would they?

I did not know that I had LYme or Babs for 2 more years. Yes, I was able to learn my newest job, but it took me longer than it should have and I made too many mistakes that I had NO recollection of making.  I've got a better boss, that's the difference.