Getting out of bed....

I am not talking to those of you who are bedridden, wracked w/ so much pain and misery that you cannot get out of bed.  I do have a lot of pain on arising and on some days.  Right now, I am relatively pain free (except for severe rotoscoliosis while on my feet).  Depression is coming and going. I have been functioning OK at work, except I'm missing a lot.

Most often it is because I cannot face getting out of bed. If I get up and get going, then usually OK. But sometimes, w/ that hot dog (a hot dog, not a hotdog) snuggled up to me, I just can't get up. Yeah, I'm up now -- had to take them pee, but it's back to bed. Feels kind of mental -- just have not been able to succeed w/ those positive thoughts, 'up and at 'em' that I used to have.  I don't even care if I sleep. My meds make me feel good enough to enjoy the bed.

Seriously, it often feels like mental 'trickery' & escapism-- like, 'I really don't have to do this, so I'm not going to'. I'm sick of it and am sure my boss is too.

What about others of you who are functioning?

I too fall into the 'trap' of escapism-- not knowing if my mind is holding me back or if REAL body issues/pain are the culprit. Viscious circle. I'm sick of it too and could easily just go back to bed right now.

But I'm not! I just tell my brain I MUST BE POSITIVE and to STOP fooling me into thinking I'm an incapacitated, tired, ache riddled lump.

For example.....

I noticed yesterday that my stiff neck was GONE. I was really busy, out and about doing stuff....and just happened to THINK about my neck and that it wasn't hurting.

I called my sister to give her the good news and right after I hung up the phone the neck pain came back! So.... was the returned pain REAL or did I bring it back with my mind?

Hmmmmmm.....!

Another example....

The other day I felt good enough to work out in the yard and do some clean up. My back didn't hurt all day. But once I was finished and thought about my back....it started to hurt again.

Ergo.....if there REALLY was something PHYSICALLY, anatomically wrong with my back, then it SHOULD HAVE HURT while I was out doing stuff.

My TBD symptoms (that I won't list again here for the sake of brevity) are either still present or have gotten better or still come and go. They ARE VERY REAL. So they don't come into play in my 'mind over matter' discussion.

.... the point being: I think I might be psychsomatically creating certain physical problems....

.....and I am going to make a concentrated effort to 'get mad at my brain' and hopefully banish this tendency to mentally bring on the pain where there is no real reason for it.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it! LOL

Thanks guys -- as usual, feels good to not be alone. As for pain, I'm not wanting to stay in bed because of the pain (except on some occasions when I've got the fever and the Lyme aches) Just having a hard time handling life --- everything feels overwhelming. My energy level has improved a little and I MAY survive Christmas.

I got out of Thanksgiving (sort of. WE went out to eat, but then daughter in law decided to make a turkey amongst all the other stuff, so of course I had to chip in and make stuff and help do the work)

Point being, so I hadn't gotten my home ready for guests or a holiday. With 2 dogs and a sick mama, it's been a pit and I hate it. My son's Bday is this weekend, so now I am overwhelmed w/ the cleaning that must be done.

I do not clean like a normal person, plus my place was disgusting. I can't just vacuum (Rainbow), I'm vacuuming every day. And I can't just shampoo, I'm shampooing almost every day. ANd I need to paint some places and wash everything in site.

Every other Sat I clean a place for cash. That's a 5 hr job and completely wipes me out and kills my back. Then days like Sunday, I had only put in about 4 hours here at home w/ the Rainbow and the shampooer and the back pain was crippling, but I HAD to keep going. It gets so bad that all my muscles spasm and then they burn and then turn icey shooting pain. It is truly making me bitter.

What it seems to be about getting up and getting cracking is resentment and some despair. I would not mind functioning on a low level if it didn't mean I had to be such a pig or perform poorly at work. I resent having to get to work and it is hurry all day (we don't even get breaks except lunch) and it's stress all day. Then hurry home and hurry and change clothes and take the dogs out. Then by the time I give them their attention, wash & brush (myself), wash my dishes and fix lunch it is after 9. By then I'm in a lot of pain and am cursing. I realize this is not remarkable, but it's very difficult for me now, while ill.

I used to live my life constantly pushing and hurrying. I busted butt at work, kept a clean house, and exercised everyd ay. But I can't do that anymore, nor do I want to spend the rest of my life having to constantly push myself.

It feels so unfair when you're sick. My back and neck pains are not pshcysomatic. I've told this before, but I'll tell it again because I resent the H out of it. (AREN'T I THE WHINER TODAY??)

The rotoscoliosis (meaning, my spine twists as it curves -- in places it is twisted so badly you cannot see the vertebrae on Xray because they are completely twisted to the inside) begins in my neck and goes into a 63 degree curve, then into a 74% curve. So it curves as twists from my neck down to my tailbone. If I injure my spine, it could possibly collapse and the Dr said it could collapse w/ age (57 now) because of the degeneration. I am so bitter about this, yet know that this attitude will never help anything -- even tho I know there is no help for it. I may look into a brace that will simply hold it up, but you know I'll resent the H out of that!

I used to take pride in how well I could function and how much I could get done in spite of pain and weaknesses. Now I've become so negative that I want to emphasize what bad shape I'm in and everybody is sick of it. There are so many days that I want to beg someone for help -- of what kind, I don't know -- but there is no one. There is no one upon which it would be fair to unload any more than I have anymore.

Last nite my mind was suicidal again and the feelings in my head are unbearable. BUt there is no help. If I could just go to bed, that would be one thing. But I can't. I have to give my dogs some kind of life and I have to try to take care of my basics. Thank goodness this mess passes in a few hours.  Sometimes this is what has happened the night before the morning I won't (can't?) get up and go to work.

I agree w/ you Traveler -- some of the worst pain & exhaustion is the day after overdoing. But I'm sick and tired of being forced to over do. I think that's why I refuse to get out of bed sometimes. WOW, I'm now gonna have to work like the devil to catch up my desk from today. I resent that too.

I guess I resent the H out of everything lately..... I am one huge BALL of stress and I can't seem to make it stop.

ANyone know much about psychoanalysis? I have a name and I'm going to look into it first of the year when there's some money in my flex benefit account. I want to know WHY. ANd I want to know WHY we got this disease!

ARe there any folks here who NEVER had ANY depression or anxiety type problems BEFORE getting infected?

Thanks, Trav. Don't worry, I won't do something drastic, unless it would be checking into a mental hospital! That these ideas invade and control my mind are scary, tho.

Yeah, that back pain -- it is intense, when on my feet longer than 5-10 min at a time. I'm OK to be on my feet on and off thru the day, but not on days where I must be on my feet (and wrestling vaccum cleaner) long enough to complete a cleaning job. When the back starts up, NOTHING touches it! I do take Amiltriptyline for depression and it is also used for chronic pain, so I could very well be worse w/o it.

You have got the best attitude and personality, I must say, TRav. ANd you really chip in and give here much more than you receive. Do ever think this goes unnoticed.

/Users/elainemackle/Desktop/The Psychotropic Management of.webarchive


hey I just tried to attach something that I am in NY to see my shrink about

Robrert c Bransfirel MD is the person who wrote this article The psychotropic management of late stage lyme disease.

so google around if my attachment didn't work.

I will let you know results of my visit today.

I have no money for all these antibitoics and have been sick for over 25 yrs already and 15 yrs ago hit the wall completely.

I hear you lyme+ about getting out of bed and the whole thing.

my doctor is experienced with lyme and is a psychiatrist.

meantime. keep seeping Lyme+ and take in the rest. it is for me the most restorative thing. My doctor gave me something t sleep.
and I am so much stronger when I do. but now I ma gonna see this pharmacologist and hae her really try to let me knw the best options.

talk to you guys later

love bucci