Finding Myself

I am feeling better. Slowly but surely. I have more energy... my thoughts are less boggled... and I am feeling more like myself again.

Depersonalization hit me hard. When I was at my worst I remember yelling at a friend... "this isn't who i am" and "i feel like 2 different people". I probably sounded crazy. Lyme really makes you feel and act like a completely different person.

I am feeling like myself again. But now that I can think more clearly... it actually feels like I time traveled to this point in life. Like I wasn't really sick for 3 years... but instead on a space ship somewhere totally out of touch with reality.

Now my ship is landing... but nothing looks the same. I am stuck in 2008. Friends have moved on with their lives and careers but I have been on auto pilot barely surviving each day. I feel like I have alot of catching up to do.

It has been a little over a year since I finished treatment. I feel about 75% healthy most days. But the thought of basically starting my life over has not been easy to swallow.


-MysteryLyme

Yes I think acceptance is a major major part of chronic illness. I just had a long talk with my husband who is struggling and was saying how I feel I lost out on 5 years of my young son's life but we can't go back. All we can do is look forward with hope. I am such a different person now. I am calmer, more appreciative and also more acceptable to the fact that you cannot change what is unchangeable. I have learned to LET IT GO and focus on the positive. That's not to say I don't have bad days but they are not the majority like they were before. If you had ever told me I would be happy laying on a hammock in the middle of a sunny day reading a book I would have thought you were crazy. I was such a workaholic, active person and now sometimes feel like a couch potato but I have a really nice couch so why not. Best to you.