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before I completly loose my mind, (expressing)

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Posted 10/10/2012 6:27 PM (GMT 0)
 

I use to be a good person.

I was kind, and I did my best despite my ld, and dyslexica.

SO in 2000, I lived in a spiritual community, and was working 2 jobs

things were good.  I even voluntered helped this woman who was really sick

I would get her organic veggies for her. I remember how she use to comment on how healthy, beautiful, full of vitality, of how I looked and was, healthy.

Freaking ironic, freakin jimmney crickets...

cause now I am the one that needs help. I am like that woman, sick, depleated of energy, calling other companies, organizations, paying people to go food shopping for me

buying healhty organic veggies,

I hate my freaking life

Karma, no I was not perfect, but I was a pretty phenomonal person despite the heck i endured growing up.

and  when I had some lyme rage, people say I deserve this, and my asian family has abandended me

they say I deserve this, due to my karma, and maybe past lives.

WHAT??????????????????????????????????????

I cant take it anymore.   I did not ask for this.

I cant create good karma, because I am getting sicker,

I wish I could win the lotto and move to a different country

and pay someone to take care of me for the rest of my life

so I am off the streets, so I am safe, and clean and have clothes, a safe place to sleep

I cant believe this is my life, a nightmare

I love u all, at least I know I am not alone.  and I could tell part of my story, aka nightmare.

Posted 10/10/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, this DID NOT HAPPEN because you are a bad person!! No offense, but Asian superstitions can get pretty whacky sometimes and really have no basis in reality. I am Caucasian and my daughter is Asian and threw learning about her culture I've learned about some of their superstitions and they are downright crazy. Your family is using their superstitions as an excuse not to deal with you or help you. Who has the bad karma now????
This disease sucks. I don't even go outside, the only place I enjoy being outdoors is on the ocean. I don't play in the grass, I don't garden, I don't even sit outside in the summer unless I'm in a screened-in porch. I have NO IDEA how I got this. I never had a rash, don't recall being bit by anything and my life has been turned completely upside down. I have 3 kids and WAS a full-time student but had to quit because I never know when I'll be sick. I lost the hearing in my right ear! No one knows why. It's insane. But I know I didn't get it due to bad karma --and NEITHER DID YOU. I'm not a particularly religious person, I'm more spiritual and I do believe in God and what I've figured out over the last 5 mos. is: there must be a lesson in here somewhere. I've finally learned to just surrender to this and do what I can to get better. It is utterly exhausting trying to figure out why this? why that? why me???????
Easy for me to say, I have a very supportive family, from my husband to my kids to my parents. But we've all lost something on this journey. But hopefully we'll gain something on the other side. STAY STRONG. You'll get thru this!!!
Posted 10/10/2012 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry , but this is not your fault or mine, If I was well i would offer to help you but I can barely help myself and my family. Please don't ever thing this is your fault , is has nothing to do with you. Please email me if you want to talk .

I had people stop talking to me , and other people move away from me like I was going to infect them, you know what you helped other people , you sound like a great person, and we will all get through this together, one day at a time.
Posted 10/11/2012 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
Sending big gentle hugs to you, Hope2b. We can talk more if you need to.
((((((hugs))))))
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