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I Didn't Know How Fearful I Was Until Today...

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Posted 3/3/2013 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone...I had a realization today that I have been living in fear for months...if not years.

Today I wrote down my fears next to the passage in Isaiah 41:10 and I cried many tears because I thought I was over fear...but I wasn't. In fact I have woken up everyday for months with worry which is fear! I wrote down the date (3.3.13) and then put, "Victory Over Fear!" It takes a lot to recognize when you have something living inside you that shouldn't be there. I had a tenant named, "Fear." And today I evicted fear out of my life!

I just wanted to share...is it going to be easy? No but I must believe that I will be symptom free one day soon and honestly believe it. I must believe that all though I'm financially sinking that I will stay afloat no matter what and that I will be all that I can be for my beautiful son.

My parents would be proud (I'm 38 years old and they are both deceased, they died at ages 53 and 60). But I know they are crying as well...happy that their daughter has turned a new leaf and took a vow to evict FEAR and claim that I will be symptom free and emotionally, financially and mentally not in distress. Changes need to happen on my end where I stay positive a lot of the time and not in fear.

May peace be with each of you. I know it's hard but I hope some of you that are worried and live in fear take a vow today or soon that you will be okay...matter of fact you will be great and symptom free! That all your worries will be gone one day.

Thank you to the members that are symptom free that chime on and share. You have no idea how much of an inspiration you are to me!

 

Posted 3/3/2013 3:50 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Wryter,

I would like to congratulate you! This is a huge step, even though it might not feel like that.

I've 'learned' not that long ago that in life there's obstacles and hurdles that will be on your way to have a real sense of belonging, of being at ease.

First step is to recognize the obstacle (obstacles can be plenty of things like fear, fear of rejection, fear of love, abandon, etc...), beat them. Once you've beaten the obstacle, they will become hurdles. Understand them, and you'll move beyond them. But always be conscious of them.

I don't think this is easy at all, but this is the best first step to take.

Marie

Posted 3/3/2013 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Marie thank you so much!!!! It's going to take time but I just can't be fearful any more. Lyme, finances, the funky MRI, emotions on high are obstacles and its time that they get knocked down!

I will keep you posted, some major changes this week and I can't be scared about what folks think or advise. It's about my total healing. Not just physical, but mental, emotional and spiritual.
Posted 3/3/2013 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
Acceptance was a enormous milestone for me.

Accepting that I was very ill and that some things just weren't possible anymore.

I found by doing this, my guilt was greatly reduced and strangely enough my fear diminshed,too.

You are definitely on the right track,you will beat this and emerge much stronger when you've recovered,which will hopefully be soon.
Posted 3/3/2013 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
  like a journal entry:

(when generally speaking people talk of illness dis ease, they say something was wrong already some fear, othewise body immune syst stronger can fight off anything, cancer etc.

I dont agree with that,

so I was confused when i got sick, things were good, i was not in fear.
I knew 'god' universe, whatever u want to call it, had my back.

when I got sick years ago,

fear, I am fearful now, about money, how when, where, is it going to pour into my life


when I cant even think like I use to, to be smart, resourceful, strong
tough, business like, and days I cant even make a phone call...


now I am in fear, which I know is not good, that will attract negative

yet , how the heck did i end up here when everything was going so amazing well?

Lyme has turned everything upside down
and now I dont know anything, you know...

I hate this journey, I put stuff in storage, and now ready to move to kansas or seatle, you know to get better

I use to be in control of my life, I make the rules

and now I am a host to something, that is temp. dictating my life

it is such a strange place to be in.

I know I have to faith that finances will be there, I am still here, and have heat, a roof over my head, car, etc, I am okay now finacially today

so I have to trust that this will continue

that i will have money for treatment, etc

then people say there is a lesson in this, but if your brain has memory loss, and cant think, how could u possibley think cognitvely to learn lessons when your cognitive process is off, ya know
it is a paradox)




unique thread, thanks

Posted 3/3/2013 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
Wellbeautifulspirit,

You chose yourself a new good name on this forum, I hope you'll have more better days soon, I really do.

Being sick is fearful, I had another disease when I was younger, and it scared the hell out of me, it still does every now and then. After that there is/was the tick borne diseases for over 15 years now, and it scares the hell out of me too...

I noticed that after being healed from my first 'big' disease that I learned a lot, about myself and even more about people. I never thought I would say that. I think that once I will be healed from this horrible thing, that I will have learned more.

Illnesses turn everything upside down, it's so overwhelming, but you'll make through it.

There's one thing I stick with, that keeps on amazing me, throughout these 18 years of illnesses: I never thought that I was that resilient. I'm like an elastic string, I always bounce back and back and back.

M

 

Posted 3/3/2013 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Very positive Marie!!!! I needed that! Thank you all. I was the ultra athlete, dancer, performer and everyday I tell myself I will get back to that!

So much on me between a low paid job, raising my son pretty much alone but with the help of a lot of friends and family, not having my parents makes it all scary. But everyday I get up, get us out the door and get to work.

I pray all the time so I just knew that I didn't have fear in me...but I do!

I will say I'm seeing a lot of people's true colors and some are beautiful and some...not so much. When I'm better I will have a closer and smaller circle of friend's. My faith will be out of this world and I will be stronger!

My son gives me encouragement everyday. Although he's a toddler he does so much for me!!!

BeautifulSpirit I will be praying for you...for us all!
Posted 3/3/2013 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
TickledPink thanks for your thoughts! They gave me a glimpse of my old normal life which I will have back soon!
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