So tired of this

Prairegirl- I'm so sorry you are affected like this. How long have you been sick. What are you taking to heal. Which infections do you have? The depression and anxiety keep me in bed often so I understand.... Things will improve and the light will shine again.

Yogi,
I've been sick for about 10 years (after becoming pregnant in 2002 is when symptoms started showing up), but it was manageable before (I still worked and went about life, although I did compensate a lot). This past January is when things started to go downhill, I was really sick and became bedridden (fatigue, dizziness, twtiches, startle reactions, sleeping issues, headache, tingling feet, burning scalp, and on and on, haha) and admitted to hospital (had all the tests including mri's). My neurologist highly suspected Lyme and did a test which of course came back negative. i was discharged with the diagnosis of chronic migraine instead, because I was reacting to every single medication they gave me, the doctors decided to try Botox for migraines (I had 31 injections around my head and neck), obviously it did nothing. I finally went to see a naturopath who clinically diagnosed me with lyme and started me on supplements and the rife machine (I've had herxs) I've also been doing my own research into different herbal protocols. Essential oils as well. I like the Buhner protocol and ordered his book, I have an appointment today with the naturopath so I'm going to talk to her more about starting this. Because I'm also detoxing all the Botox, I think my system is backed up (I also started the jernigans anti-tox, specifically because of the Botox issue), but who knows.
In honesty, I do feel better since starting the rife and supplements (the constant buzzing vibrating in my head and body has settled down), and I do manage to get outside a bit (something I couldn't have done before). I've also tried some essential oils, but was herxing too much that I'm taking a break now.
My mom and now my mother in law has had to come to take care of my family and me. I liken myself to a calf in a veal pen. Food is brought, I try to eat, go back to sleep or tv, repeat, haha - trying to maintain my sense of humour.
One of the worst moments for me was when I was in the hospital and the nurse said to me in this disgusted voice "you know you're never going to get better unless you get up and start moving. You can't stay in bed all day" it's like- lady you have no idea what you're talking about, I fought my hardest to stay out of bed, even forcing myself to walk on my treadmill to the point I was practically crawling, you think walking around is going to make me better, I wish. Up until January I was going to school (ironically, nursing school), commuting 2 hours a day (we have a small farm that we are now trying to sell because I'm too sick to manage it and my husbands job is too busy), managing my family, my farm animals, taking my daughter horse back riding, hitting the university gym 3 times a week, volunteering, etc. typical type A. If I could get out of bed I would.
Ok, this post has turned into a really long rant, so sorry! Just so tired and frustrated and sad.

Hang in there, Prairiegirl!! Remember it took a lot of years for you to get this ill, so healing won't happen quickly. It's a process, so look for those little things and celebrate them!

You aren't dealing with as much head buzzing!! Woo Hoo!!! That's one step!! Think of your healing as a bunch of steps, each step is reducing or relieving each symptom.

Healing takes a lot of work, so you need to rest (I know, like you have a choice right now??) But you need to really rest. That's when the body does the best and the most healing! So sleeping is actually healing.

You are very lucky that your Mom and MIL are both willing to help out! There are many that can't get even basic support from their families. Be sure to thank them and realize that you have a very wonderful family - gratitude can go a long way in raising our spirits!

One of the biggest laughs I used to get is when I would start to say "I'm sooo sick.." and my kids would answer with "& tired of being sick & tired!" I guess I said it too much! LOL! Find ways to laugh with your kids, hubby, Mom and Mom in law, laughter can really help you change your attitude towards your current condition. You can do this, just give it time - remember, you didn't get here overnight.

Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for all your kind words! Today my mother in law drove me into the city for my naturopath appointment (about a 50 minute drive one way), it wasn't until we got to the city that I realized I had chatted the whole time (as opposed to previous times when I felt so awful I just clutched my pillows, kept quiet and prayed we'd be there soon)- yay, one step! Then at the appointment I talked, laughed and even noticed I moved my head more, my naturopath commented on this (previous appointments I often would burst into tears)- yay step 2. Made it home fine and instead of retreating to my bed, I sat out on the deck for a few minutes, then went to the living room to watch tv and wait for my daughter to get home from school (instead of her having to come see me in bed)- yay, another step!
Back in bed now and feeling a bit of a herx coming on (due to riffing), but emotionally I still feel good. Thanks everyone!