And then it all came crashing down...

Ok, well that might be a bit dramatic... but I'm amazed at the turn of events over the last couple of days.

I felt very ill all weekend, had a doc appointment Monday morning, stopped at work to touch base with my boss (brought her up to speed on where I am with my projects and gave her an update on my health status). Told her I would have to be out the following day, too, for a funeral. (Truth be told the funeral was only until about 2pm but I knew I would want to rest afterward). She thanked me for coming in, and that was that.

Next day (yesterday) I stopped to get something to eat before heading into the funeral, so I could also take my meds. Made the mistake of looking at my phone and found four scathing emails from boss, about how she could not believe I wasn't coming in, was deeply concerned that "work is not getting done", and proceeded to assign me a day-to-day supervisor who could closely oversee my work. I was floored, especially after having what I thought was a satisfactory meeting with her not even 24 hours prior. She continued with sporadic contentious and nasty emails all day long.

Luckily, the person she assigned to supervise me knows me well and jumped to support me very quickly. Fast forward to today, I've been to the office to pass off my work to other staff, and have now begun the process of applying for short term disability. Our HR people have been great and both my docs assure me this is the best thing.

It feels like a failure though. I was trying so hard to keep it all together - caring for myself, my son, ny home, my husband, working - when all I wanted to do for the past month has been crawl in bed and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. On one hand, I'm so relieved that I can stop the madness... but on the other hand, it's so terribly humbling and difficult not to know when I will begin to feel well again.

Oh and the stress??? Between the funeral and those emails and the decisions I had to make yesterday, I feel worse than ever.

This is just no fun.

You are so not a failure. This disease turns so many of us active folks into I can't move it is ridiculous. Don't worry about a job right now. I know money will be more tight but at least with ST Disability you can breathe for a little while.

Bosses can super suck. I hope you start feeling better soon Sunny!

Hi Sunny,

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. It could be a good thing that you are getting out if what seems to be an escalating toxic situation - definitely not good for your health. Also, your boss' non-empathetic behavior and attitude says way more about her than you.

We're here for you! Keep posting, okay? I hope you can get some much needed rest!

Sunny_1, the loss is on the boss and not you. Now that you are out on disability it is up to your boss to make sure the work gets done and this person would have been better off with you in the picture, even if it was part time. This is probably a blessing for you because now you can focus on getting better.

By the way, I started my antibiotics about two months ago and I remember feeling worse the first few weeks. I thought that maybe antibiotics were not working, but then, my eyesight (which I almost lost in one eye) got better, my limping from the pain on the bottom of my sole started to go away and the joint pain and muscle pain just dissipated. Unfortunately, I had to stop the medications three weeks into the treatment course due to an allergy reaction and within three days, the symptoms came back. I am back on medication and am hopeful that the symptoms will start to go away again soon. So hang in there, and before you know it, you too will begin to feel better!.

@sooverthis. What I do when I 'm feeling down is go to the search fcn and put in lyme + whatever my worst symptom is. Often there will be posts from years ago. I email the folks that were having the same problem as me and in 9 out of 10 cases they are better. I would suggest you try it. Its okay to be down in the dumps with this disease for a little while but not for too long!

~beth

Thanks Opugirl. I've never been very good at the optimistic thing, and from the sounds of it, that needs to be my first course of action...retraining my mind. I guess I need to focus on the fact that I'm not as bad as I could be, and maybe God has allowed all of this to surface at this particular time so I can treat my girls while it's still "easy" for them. Saving them from this crap would make it all worth it.

Thanks for the words of encouragement...