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How do I make my hubby understand?

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Posted 9/27/2013 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
He gets mad at me when I bring up my illness.
He says he's sick of hearing about it.
He doesn't even realize how affected I really am by this... or how sick I am.
He may even possibly think I'm nuts.

What do I do?
Posted 9/27/2013 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hallie, I'm sorry you're dealing with that on top of being sick. Could you get him to watch the DVD "Under Our Skin"? That helped a couple of my family members understand.
Posted 9/27/2013 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
I can only say time will probably help that. I was so mad at my husband for not understanding how I literally felt like I was dying. We watched under my skin together and I watched him watching it and I think he started to understand a little bit. Plus when I started having some of the heart issues he kind of realized that it is more serious then the 'general populace' realizes.

I stopped talking to him about it truthfully and just came online. We bickered a lot, for months and it wasn't easy. I know even if he doesn't understand now (how could he? He's like never been sick), he at least understands when I don't feel well esp since he has seen me really sick a few times now.

It was really hard over December to March I would say because I didn't want to do anything b/c 1) we couldn't afford it and 2) I just didn't feel like it. I tried to encourage him to go out with the guys a few times and that was nice.

He just realizes now that its kind of a part of me, I try to do referrals and stuff and it gets brought up with the family occasionally. I say that I'm doing OK, or good and then move on...its better for me mentally to do that anyway. I still have days where all I have on my brain is LYME but I don't really think that is conducive to healing.

I wish I had advice for you hun but hopefully others will be on here shortly! And you can bring your illness up on here anytime! lol
Posted 9/27/2013 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
HallieMae, My wife can tell when I am not myself and if I am hurting. We devised a number system where a '2' is when I can't get out of bed because I am in terrible pain and just want to hide under the sheets. A '7' is when I am 80% of myself (the best I have done so far) and that's when we plan stuff together or when I can do stuff around the house to help out. So far no "9" or "10"s.

She will ask me how I am doing that day, and if it is a 5 or higher, we engage in conversation and she brings things up that she wants to talk about. She gets excited that I am doing good and will sometimes cook something special for me to celebrate a "good day".

Anything below a 5 and I am left alone by everyone. When I feel sick (below a 5), I am not in the mood to watch TV, talk to anyone, or go anywhere. Even at work, they give me my space and we use the same numbering system.

My wife has watched "Under the Skin" with me and I sometimes comment about posts from other people who are doing bad on this forum and we'll talk about it.

I think that overall, she feels bad for me and wishes that she could take that pain away so she can have her "Honey" back. I hope that your husband understands the pain and suffering that this disease causes so he can be supporting of you. Good luck.
Posted 9/27/2013 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
I think some men have a hard time dealing with it because they can't fix it. I hope over time your husband will gain a better understanding of what you're going through. Do you have a support group in your area? If so, it would be good for him to join you at a meeting so he can see how much it affects people.

Maybe watching movies with your husband or other things you 2 might enjoy together would help, if you're able to. That would help you relax some and take your mind off your illness so it would be quality time together. Maybe he's scared too and it comes out as anger. I hope you can find a way to help your relationship since you need his support. Come here often for support and understanding.
Posted 9/27/2013 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/under-our-skin/

Under Our Skin

Perhaps he could watch this video to understand it better. Its serious.
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