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Frustrations... in need of positive change...

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Posted 10/10/2013 11:39 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sooooo frustrated, don't know what to do with this huge amount of negative energy... I was always pretty good at finding solutions for feelings like this... I feel trapped...

If I had the muscle power, strength and energy I would do some sparring with husband, but that's not even possible.

More than 14 months of treatment, and no amelioration whatsoever, only getting worse. Abx, herbals, no luck. Just the darn inflammation.

Don't know what's happening - getting treated with sporanox right now, a minimal dose of abx to keep the Borrelia steady, Houttuynia and some supplements, and some herbals.

Maybe I'm herxing because of the Sporanox? Mold/Fungus dying off??

Feel like I'm ready to rip someone apart, so angry at everyone. Feel so alone. So many responsabilities, and so little energy to keep doing all of this.  

I asked my osteopath to take the pressure of my back and shoulders, instead of that, he gave me a big lecture about changing my life and prioritizing. about doing my exercices (very low impact, not at all physical) on the toilet at work, about how to do things in general. People do not have a clue. Going to the bathroom is a pause to me. Getting up from my seat and walk to the bathroom feels too much. People just don't get the lack of energy. All the things I need to do in 1 single day. Went there last week to get some pressure off, and got out even more stressed, feeling I'm not doing things  'well'.

I feel like nagging, but have no one to talk with. Everyone around me is bussy with their own stuff... so very bussy.

Ironic isn't it? Too bussy, but they don't get that just simple bussy for me is too much...

 

Posted 10/10/2013 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie,

You can always talk to me :-)

We aren't that far apart...............if you would ever like a chat,we could exchange phone numbers, it might be fun,4 languages at the same time.........all muddled up.

Tickled
Posted 10/10/2013 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie,

I ache inside reading what you are going through! It is sooo hard and yes, others who arent' living this nightmare just can not understand our reality. I especially relate to the 'feeling like I want to rip someone apart,' and being so angry! It sucks beyond measure, I understand how frustrating and lonely it is being where we are. And, I am so sorry you are going through this.

I am happy you took the time to write this out. Don't stop doing that, even if you feel you need to do so, and then tell yourself not to write to us because whatever reason you think you shouldn't. Yes, do write, it does/can help, and please do that one thing for yourself!!!! You are worth telling us and worth being heard! Please remember that. You are worth being heard, and we, on this site, will hear you!!!!!!!!

My prayers and thoughts go to you. May the answers arrive and may you get the help/relief/support you need. You are not alone, we are here for you!
Posted 10/10/2013 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad you have this forum to come to, where you'll be understood fully. I know what you mean about people being too busy, even family sometimes. They just can't understand how it impacts us. Hang in there and keep talking it out here. ((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 10/10/2013 6:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie, I feel I too go through cycles of doing well and then not so well. Its very hard to have a life.
I find most of my days are spent at home lucky if I can get through the basic chores. I try to set goals however. Do you think you need to change providers at all ? I had very bad pain and inflammation but I am on a good combination now that is helping me function not normal but at least about 75%. And today I learned my son probably has Lyme as well. He is 8. I cried a little about it yesterday but I am not going to waste any more time fretting. Forward. Its the only way to progress. And during those very low times have faith that God will help you through it. Because He will.
Posted 10/10/2013 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
Know that you can always email me as well! :-)
Posted 10/11/2013 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi MarieLS.

I just wanted to say I understand, and I really feel for you.

My doctor told me that if you haven't had Lyme, then you just don't understand. It helps to know that there are others who really "get" how grueling this disease can be.

I'll be thinking of you ;)
Posted 10/11/2013 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
You see Marie, what I think you need is a rubber chicken. What? a rubber chicken? Did I mix up the Houttuynia with another herb that is not so legal? No I didn't... you see, sometimes we collect the anger that we have towards ourselves because we are not who we used to be. Then we also bottle up the frustration that no matter what we try, we can't seem to get better. We do all the right things, eat the right stuff, take our pills when we have to, and try to do as much as we can with what little we have. We see our life savings dwindle due to all the stuff we have to buy and yet, we can't get better. Dealing with people and their insensitivity is aggravating. Well, after all of this gets bottled up inside to the point that we can't take it no more, you grab your rubber chicken and you smack it against the wall, throw it on the floor, jump on it, write whatever foul language words you can think of on it, and take all of your frustration out on it. Go ahead, the chicken can take it.

You say you don't have a rubber chicken? well then, you need to get yourself a chicken!

Sorry that I am being silly, but in all seriousness, I understand the way you feel right now. I am going through something similar. We need to have a way to vent out when we feel like this. So much happens in our lives that just brings us down. Often times we take a step forward and life makes us take two steps back, so we never seem to get ahead. What I have found is that it helps to be able to take it out on something. Kicking the car is just gong to cost money. Punching a wall, well, the house is bad enough as it is, it doesn't need another hole. beating up the husband, nope..bad idea. We need our spouses healthy so that someone can do the stuff around the house. I am a husband, so again...no on the beating up the husband part, OK? So listen to me and get yourself a rubber chicken. You will be glad you did.

Oh, by the way...they float too, so you can take it with you instead of the rubber duckie when you do your epsom salt bath :-)

Hope you feel better Marie.
Posted 10/11/2013 10:15 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your support - I'm having a rough time..., I felt relieved after having written this.

Tickled,

why not? I would like to see you in person. Skype or chat. We can create a new language: a kind of European Creole language suffused with stutter and stammer, with the right amount of pauses cause we can't find the words...

In A Cocoon,

Thank you very much. Yes, I need to keep in mind that writing things down really helps. Here or just on paper. An advice from my Reiki master (who's a friend) that I forget all too often...

Garden Peace & Binduspire,

Thanks for the encouraging words and the hugs :)

Barngurl,

Very sorry to hear that your son might have Lyme too... At least you have the knowledge to act quickly and save him from a difficult life later on. All my best wishes for him!

I don't think I need to change drs, he's doing all he can, I'm part of that percentage that has a detox problem... I wouldn't know where else to go, cause he's the only one in Belgium treating like this...

Healing98,

I won't torture my husband, I promise :) (I think I would bite the dust - he's a black belt karateka - lol)
You're making me laugh tongue  . Those chickens are not very common here in Belgium, but I promise I will pass by the toy store tomorrow and see if they have it. Then I can start doing my anger ritual.

Before, I did anger meditations, they were very helpful, but time seems to be my worst enemy, the chicken might be a good solution. Thanks for the laugh wink

chrisnj,

is that a person? lol, don't get it, I'm European :-)

 

Posted 10/11/2013 11:18 AM (GMT 0)
Oh my gosh lol!!!!! I'm going to get a rubber chicken!!!! Prayers being sent your way MarieLS!! We are all thinking of you!
Posted 10/11/2013 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
Someone came out with a "darn it doll" ( LOL! We'll have to see if that will go through!) that was for that very purpose! Just google it!

LOL! Okay, you wont' find it by that spelling! Try d-a-m-m-i-t doll, only be sure to remove those dashes!
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