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Posted 11/24/2013 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sure many of you have experienced it, so I'm really just venting.

I had to move in with my family last year when I got really sick. My son and I have been living with my parents now for over 6 months. It is getting really stressful here- I think just co-existing under my parents' roof, as an adult, is becoming really difficult. I don't like the tension, but it seems almost unavoidable at times.

Everything from me having too much stuff in the cabinets, to my son making messes everywhere, me trying to do freelance writing jobs while I'm sick and living here....

I have someone sub-letting my apartment until I'm well enough to move back. I thought I'd stay here through the winter and move back in the spring.

I am not ungrateful for having a place to stay, and having help, but it just seems like me being sick has caused all this stress, and it has accumulated to the point that I'm not even talking to my mom anymore.

I feel like I gave up my independence when I got Lyme and that not many people understand how hard it is to function under these conditions. I really don't think my parents even get it. I think sometimes they even think Lyme is just this disease that everyone in PA has, so I should just get over it.

I hope I don't sound like a downer. I just wanted to let that out. I hope by spring I'm at least a little better so that I can drive and be back in my apartment with my son.
Posted 11/25/2013 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
it's hard as an adult to move back in with parents under the best of circumstances, being sick makes it all the harder. I hope things ease for you soon, the stress cannot be helping the healing process ((()))

Is there a way you could try to talk things out with your parents to establish some boundaries or just to get things out in the open for how you're feeling, and to get an understanding of what they're expecting, etc.

It's frustrating for me when family members make comments about my being sick -- I don't think they fully understand what it's like. It's not like having the flu, or something like that, and as time wears on, they can't comprehend what we're going through. I guess they can't really understand what it's like because they've never been through it -- which is good, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone! But it's bad for us, because the empathy begins to wane quite soon! It seems as though your parents don't fully understand this, based on their 'everyone in Pa has it so get over it' attitude. Maybe your mom or dad can go with you to an appointment so they can hear it from him/her firsthand, or maybe they could do some research on their own, or hear from others with lyme -- then maybe they'd get a better understanding. I hope they come around to be understanding more, so it makes a better atmosphere for you to heal ((()))
Posted 11/25/2013 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Binduspire,

Moving into your parent's house is giving up a lot of things (freedom, independancy), admitting you need help. That must cause a lot of stress. I myself can't even ask for help to other people...

I think it is a brave decision to make, and a wise one, having a child.

Is there a possibility to open a discussion with them? Maybe they will be grateful for you taking the first step? Maybe they don't know how to start the discussion? Be sure though that you are calm and relaxed, so that the discusion doesn't freeze before it even starts. I know all about Bart rage, whenever I know there is a confrontation to come, I make sure I prepare myself. I do a short meditation and a coffee enema - I know this sounds horrible, but it works - LOL.

And I read 'Non-violent communication' by Marshall Roosenberg - a great tool!!! I would advice it to anyone.

I have a dad (I only have my dad) who shuts down every time it's about this disease. It drives me crazy. I want to feel like he really cares, like he's interested. I think he is (much more than he shows, I think he is really (too) worried), but I also think he feels terribly guilty about it. I had cancer when I was a child, and then the Lyme quest started. He felt guilty about the cancer, and now even more guilty about the Lyme and co. It's not logical, I think it is just a parental reaction. And he's another generation, not that communicative about certain things. I sometimes want to yell at him 'talk to me!!' or 'there is no logical reason to feel guilty, stop this!' or 'don't put the phone down, I'm talking about my disease, listen to me!'.

I'm also convinced that it is very difficult for a not Lymie to understand... My sister didn't understand, but she has been diagnosed with the same infections as I have been, and is undergoing treatment. She literally said 'now I understand, I have so much admiration for you now, all those things you have been going through'. It made me cry.

Good luck Binduspire, I hope you can all sit together and communicate about it.

Marie

PS you don't sound like a downer, not at all - you should read some of my old posts - lol

Posted 11/25/2013 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
I remember I didn't tell my mom because I was worried that she would worry too much. When I told her she didn't think it was a big deal and then I was slightly annoyed given everything that I had gone through, physically, and emotionally, and all the while having to fight to get treatment.

Then she called me one day almost in tears really upset. She had told me before how her dentist was really sick and out for months at a time and having to travel all over the country to get different treatments. She I guess hadn't made the connection that he had lyme until she was talking to his wife one day. Then she got it. She understood how sick it can make you and she felt horrible. I felt bad, that she felt bad. But more importantly she finally somewhat understood.

I hope that in time your parents will to, come to an understanding. Luckily I think the Lyme Disease movement is snowballing and hopefully the general population will have more of an understanding and sympathy rather then an eye-roll.
Posted 11/26/2013 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
My heart goes out to you my dear. First of all you are brave and don't ever think for a minute that you are a burden. You didn't ask to get sick. I don't have any parents...they are both gone and my grandmother is 89 and is a worry wart to the 100th power. I have family who say they get it but they don't. Especially when one made a remark to get a part time evening job. I told him about the balance issues and in order to heal I can't take on more stress and that I want to find a way to make income at home.

Long story short...we got into it...he hurt my feelings and I haven't spoken to him since and it hurt me then and it hurts now.

But keep your head up...I believe how people were about HIV/AIDS when it first hit the scene and then snowballed...the same with Lyme as opugirl said.

Keep thinking positive, envision yourself getting better and even living in your apartment again. It's hard being a mom and being sick (I'm with you...I'm in the single mom crew too). But when this is over Binduspire we will be sooooooooooooo much stronger for our kids.

I hope you can talk to them. I like the idea of setting or discussing boundaries. You're in my prayers sweetheart.
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