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To terrified to educate myself lately

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Posted 2/13/2014 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
My anxiety, panic and fear is debilitating lately. It's so profound I can hardly read anything to educate myself. I don't know what to do, I'm also very depressed. I had my dr call in Prozac, I've taken it in the past to get me over a hump and it works well for me. I pray it helps, I don't know what else to do. I need to research and get things done appointment wise, treatment wise etc.... I'm paralyzed by my impending smear of doom and sheer terror. Any suggestions? Does anyone else feel this way? I am doubting everything, I am just mentally all over the place. I feel like I can't cope. I feel so sick, so weak, and cognitively impaired lately I just feel like a shell of who I once was. My daughter told me the other day that " she's sick of me always feeling sick, we never do anything because I can't, and she's sick if hearing about Lyme disease". I now it's hard for the kids and they likely have it too and my daughter just gets mad. I feel
It's driven a wedge between us. She is 15, my eldest child and my only daughter. I always thought I'd teach my kids to down hill ski and water ski, and do all the things I used to do and was really good at. I'm afraid I will never have the chance. I feel defective.

Post Edited (Maine76) : 2/12/2014 9:47:54 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/13/2014 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Also I went to my children's play tonight, I tried to dress nice and washed my hair and put make up on. I'm sure a lot of you know how exhausting that can be, evening you aren't super dolled up. I was so tired and weak it was scary by the time the play was over. One of my kids teachers was trying to talk to me, I was off balance stumbling sideways and slurring slighting intermittently. I felt like I needed a wheel chair, it was so embarrassing.you know when you're so weak that breathing is an effort?
Posted 2/13/2014 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
I feel for you. It is scary all the ways this illness impacts all aspects of our lives and relationships, it is so hard. I can relate to some of what u describe. Right now my symps are not as bad but this experience chances hour by hour day to day. I am thrilled when I can shower and dress and not be exhausted but I know the frustration when each task done has me worried about the impact. I feel I am rambling and not able to make my points tonight.

I just want you to know I hear you, I understand and I want you to give yourself a break. You are fighting an illness with very little support medical or otherwise. Give yourself a break. I know I feel anxious to be understood by those around me but seems more energy I expend to explain I feel let down when they don't understand. This is one of the few places I feel people understand and has helped be less stressed that those in my life don't get it although I still wish they did. They have know clue all we have to deal with trying to manage our lives.

Post Edited (Roxie60) : 2/12/2014 11:09:05 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/13/2014 7:09 AM (GMT 0)
Maine, I'm so sorry you're struggling so hard and that you couldn't enjoy your evening out without feeling it there too. I understand what you're going through with your daughter. I have the same problem with my youngest daughter...for a long time. She's about to turn 21 and I feel I've lost the chance to be close to her again. She doesn't seem to try to understand and just doesn't treat me very well sometimes. I miss what we used to have.
Posted 2/13/2014 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Maine, I hope the Prozac works for you! I know, the intense feelings get so bad at times!! I'm sure your daughter is concerned, I know my family is, I think a lot of times they just don't know what to do or say and they get frustrated cry Be easy on yourself and take good care of yourself until this rough patch passes.
Posted 2/13/2014 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry that any of you can relate, because I do not want anyone to feel this way. I went to bed with the type of vertigo and severe weakness that elicited a major panic attack. I laid there tingling unable to explain to my husband what I was experiencing until thank god... I fell asleep. My daughter needed a ride to school at 7:25, I fell asleep at 1:30. I thought I was literally going to be sick on myself when I opened my eyes, the room was spinning and my joint pain is through the roof coupled with severe muscle pain and weakness. I said out loud "oh my god", my husband said "I will take her", and he did. I honestly don't think I could've even gotten up at that moment, let alone driven. So it's 10:20 and I'm
about to get my toddlers out of their room, they have likely been awake for a couple hours, but mama couldn't move this am. I am hobbled today and I have ulnar neuritis so bad in my right arm I want to put it in a sling. I just want to sit on the floor and sob, what is happening to me? I've been sick most of my life, I always thought I just had bum health and was a little unlucky but it is getting so much more profound. I've been on amoxicillin a year, I stopped it over a week ago, along with ALL of my supplements, because my cardiac issues were so scary and had gotten worse. I needs to rule out what might be contributing and I haven't started anything back up yet. I don't think amoxicillin can help this. I also have bad right side pain, to the point where someone asked if my stomach was ok, I didn't realize I was holding my side. I think a break from the 3000mg daily of amox is I order, I think....

Garden peace, that's what I fear with my daughter. I fear we will never be truely close again. I don't know maybe she's scared she has it too. I don't know what to do, talking doesn't get us very far. It breaks my heart, things are hard enough.

Do you guys ever feel so much like you are dying, like the life is being drained from you? Like super man with kryptonite, that you wonder if something else is terribly wrong?

Also does anyone have severe spine pain and stiffness?

Post Edited (Maine76) : 2/13/2014 8:41:07 AM (GMT-7)

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