Oh, this roller coaster

A couple of weeks ago I went through probably the darkest period of my life--thankfully very short. Just a few days, but they were spent fighting off feelings of utter hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Then--poof!--they were gone. I had about a week of hopefulness and relative happiness. Yesterday I went to a campfire at a friend's house and I was sitting there feeling very disconnected. Not much motivation to socialize. It worried me. I came home and went to bed. Slept pretty well, but woke this morning and the darkness was back. It's a beautiful, sunny day here and I have relatively little work to do. Yet I lack all motivation and the dark feelings are back. What the hell is going on? Why is this so cyclical? And after nearly 9 months of treatment, shouldn't I be getting better? It's so discouraging, not to mention exhausting. Will I ever get better?

Thanks, Patty--over a year and a half, huh? Wow! I don't know if I can make it through another year of this stuff. Babesia is one of the coinfections I tested positive for--along with Anaplasma and Ehrlichia. I'm starting my second month of Mepron, and I had nearly two months of Malarone before that. Doc suspects the anxiety and depression might be from Bart, but I haven't tested positive for that. I don't want to take Rifampin while I'm doing the Mepron, either, because it's supposed to reduce effectiveness by up to 50 percent. My plan is finish out this last month of Mepron, then try another month of Rifampin (I did take it for 3 weeks before I learned about the drug interaction). But this up-and-down emotional stuff is so hard to deal with. I keep thinking I'm getting better and then--WHAM!--hit with the dark clouds again. Does anyone have an idea what causes this, and, more importantly, what might end it?

Soscared-- I was like you are but it wasn't intermittent- it was pretty horrible for a little over a year. I think. Every day was horrible-- I really have no idea how I made it through, but now all of it is gone- there's residual fear of it returning, and I have to just keep on moving forward.

Are you treating the Bart? It clearly seems like you have it to me. How about starting A-Bart and some herbs to see if they help?

Oh, and Yogi--are you on any kind of antidepressant or antianxiety drug now?

Hi soscared, I haven't been on the forum much this last week. I have been reading, but not answering much.

I completely understand how you feel. I' ve been in treatment for about 23 months now, like Patty too, I feel very disconnected. Don't have the need to socialize, really don't want to. This was something that was present years prior to treatment. Treatment only made it worse, because my body is getting more and more sensitive to stimuli, and has other priorities, like healing. Whenever huband and I are attending a social gathering, we both drive our own car (if it is not too far from home), so I can go home when I'm suddenly overstimulated or totally disconnected.

I'm the most comfortable alone at home, in my sofa with a blanket and my earplugs in.

I have really dark moments too, but I let them pass by, try to be very conscious about the fact that this is all caused by these infections. I did quite a bit of meditation before I started treatment, and a dear friend is helping me with useful tips here and there, I think that these tools helped me through this ordeal.

I can confirm you that Bart is a mean beast. It catches you all of a sudden and pulls you down emotionally like nothing else, combined with horrible pain (it is the case for me). Who would not get blown away by that?

It sure is a roller coaster, I am still hoping to get better though.

There are members that were really ill that come on like Yogi (latest success story
), Heather's dad, Opugirl, Traveler, Deejavu, and more (sorry if I forgot to mention you that became better, please blame my bad memory).

Marie

SO IMPORTANT !!!

Soscared.

Please please. I need to share this with you
And others who are on Mepron

Doctors should be warning you. ! Mepron has a side affect from dome called the Mepron Blues ! It is severe to point of suicidal thoughts ! This should be posted at top of this forum as a warning !!
I was given for warning and was thinking in was fine on it but after a month or two like a wall it hit me. It hit me hard and I wanted to did and I was so depressed and hopeless. This was not my normal mood at all and die to the pre warning of my doctor with instructions to stop the med for a few days. - he said it Will clear !!
And it did.!!
Then I could try to restart and it took another month or so and happened again a pnd I again stopped it and it again left like magic.
Mepron helped me so very much at the time. This was years ago.
But
Many people do not know this mood and suicidal indication is from the medication !

Reaserch it or search other forums.
I posted this years back on another forum when I realized people were not aware and they kept taking the drug and it's very serious because I lived it and the mood and feelings are very real and dark and strong and it's very scary.

The Mepreon Blues !

It is not an issei to give a Mepron break.
Try to stop the drug and give it a few days to a week and or call your doctor and ask if it's ok and if your doctors are not aware of this tell them to research it and to warn all patients.

It's sad to me that we have to inform ourselves and share so much important info.

If you already have any depressive struggles it makes it so much worse even. It really is a strong real feeling and the suicide thoughts are real and very dangerous.

It's not you !
I swear this is very real

Please anyone reading this. Please note this about Mepron
Not every has this reaction but I have saved many people from helpless and dispair if not suicide

Very serious subject