I am so scared :(

I'm having a bad week. I cant wrap my head around what is going on in my life. How did I get here?! This is going to be long..

My pregnancy was awful. Throwing up, constant headaches, and joint pain.

I had my son February 7th 2012. We spent 2 weeks in the hospital together. 3 days before he was born I was in the hospital because he wasnt moving and I could tell something was wrong. I felt really sick. I was hooked up to the monitor and his heart rate was up. He was in a bad position also. They said it was becuase of the 3 drinks of coffee I drank my fiances cup while we were there. I was sent home. When my water broke there was meconium.

I was in labor for 36 hours before they did the emergency c-section. He was on baby life support for a week and taken to a different hospital. they wouldnt release me for 3 days. They found a blood clot in his placenta and we both had alot of infections. We were both flooded with antibiotics. My fever of 103 came everyday for 5 weeks. I took 8 or 9 different antibiotics at very high doses the whole time. I was so sick, my baby was so sick. I couldnt understand why this happened to us. I still don't know. They kept taking my blood every 2 hours trying to find what infection was causing the nightly fever because the 5 IV antibiotics they had me on simultaneously wasnt making me better.

Once I got home after a few weeks I stopped taking the antibiotics and within 3 days the fevers were gone. Then I got this weird rash on my hands (that I'm now pretty convinced is ACA). Then sweating at night. Then I couldnt see and I had a sore throat 3 weeks out of every month. Then the fatigue, headaches, seeing stars. Then my pupils were different sizes. I was shaking. My muscles were twitching, my hair was falling out in handfuls. I started getting rashes on my face and chest and thighs. Then I was passing out. My hips knees and wrists just ached. I was out of breath from walking. Walking made me lightheaded and made my jaw, arms and legs fall asleep. And then my brain just stopped working. Even writing this is extremely difficult. I had kidney stones, one before my son was born that required surgery. There is more, but who cares. It would take 6 years to write down every symptom.

July of 1013 I had severe pelvic pain and ending up getting a laproscopy. The surgeon said he had never seen adhesions like mine. My uterus was attached a 1/2 inch below my belly button by an adhesions that was as big around as his thumb. I guess thats pretty big, but I wouldn't know. I'm not a surgeon. The other OB said that there was nothing wrong for 18 months and told me I needed counseling and therapy and antidepressants. After the surgery he actually sent me an apology note. psh.

After this surgery I have not been the same. At all. It did someting to me that I still haven't healed from.

I went to the doctor for my other symptoms eventually. I got sent to specialists. I got told it was all in my head, mood disorders, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, Endometriosis. PVC's, PAC's, Tachycardia, Bradycardia, absent P waves. Just weird benign heart stuff. I have some weird labs Low c3 and c4, "borderline" positive for lupus, low vit d, low potassium, low tsh, low t4, low iron, low ferritin, low iron saturation, high histamine, probably some other stuff too.... not sure. 2 negative western blots done by mayo clinic.

The funny thing is, 7 years ago I went to the doctor becuase my mother in law noticed my tick bite turned into a bullseye rash. I got 2 weeks of doxycline, and never even finished the bottle. I was so naive. I didn't know that this could happen. I'm not doing the igenex test for another 2 weeks. If it comes back negative will I be denied treatment from the LLND that ordered them? What if it isn't Lyme after all? Can being crazy make you have fevers, uneven pupil sizes or rashes? Does everyone with Lyme have these same worries?

I just don't know what to do. My primary care said that she has tested me for everything under the sun and I'm fine, I just have a mood disorder and fibromyalgia. But that doesn't explain my other symptoms. And I can't forget about that bullseye rash, I keep coming back to it. It was deep purple in the center, with a white ring, and then red around that spanning maybe 2 inches.

I am so worried that those tests will come back negative. And even if the doctor would want to treat anyway, it would be nice to have insurance cover a little more.

I need advice. Or something. My brain isn't capable of thinking its way out of this on its own. Could it be lyme? Am I just crazy? Could I somehow be doing this for attention or becuase I'm lazy without even consciensly being aware of it??!! That would be a good trick, make your pupils change size to get out of stuff!

There is someting wrong with me. I guess at this point I'm terrified that it won't be lyme. And I will be right back where I started with 0 hope. At least thinking I have lyme there is hope I will get better. If its not I will have no more doctors to see. It will be the end.

My son has been doing well the past 6 months. He is going with me to my next appointment with the LLND. I worry to no end about him. He has had his fair share of problems and I finally got his food allergies under control so he can sleep through the night. He is finally living his life free of pain.

I did take a picture of it after if began to fade. Its on an old phone so its not the easiest picture to get a copy of.

Im trying hard to stay positive, and i know its irrational to worry about the testing. I guess its just because i've had so many tests done and they are all no big deal.

What I have to struggle through everyday is real. Those doctors just don't understand. They don't believe me and they think I am crazy. and it bothers me to no end. I'm humiliated. You can't fake half of the stuff that is wrong with me! How can they tell me that I just need antidepressants?? I just don't get it.. They make me feel crazy!

Traveler, what happened with your children?

Any doctor that hasn't been educated or hasn't gone through this with their own family, won't understand. It's the same for family members, this is all so bizarre at first, how can they if they haven't had to live through it? That's why I share links to share with family members, at least it's something.

Hang in there, you'll get through this. We're here to help you!! Keep posting and I bet there will be someone soon that you will really connect with and relate to. But everyone here is pretty open and helpful. This is truly a bizarre disease - what other infection can mimic over 300 other conditions?

My kids (one girl and one boy) are both adults now and are quite healthy - although I did go 'rogue' and raised them in an unusual way. They were raised where we grew or raised everything we ate, except for a few basics like wheat (but we did grind our own flour), sugar and things Mom needed to stay sane - coffee!! LOL!

My daughter - the first born and healthiest, is regularly told that her bones and teeth are incredibly strong and only had some very unusual allergies as a toddler - all fruit and rice. She's outgrown the fruit allergy, but still contends with a rice intolerance.

My son had some issues at first - ear infections that caused all kinds of troubles (abscessing baby teeth and more), and then had trouble with his teeth due to strong abx that he had to take back when he was under a yr old - so there's no way to know if he had Lyme and it was treated along with the ear infections. But once he got past that, his health has been very good.

Of course, when they are dealing with some flu, I always worry, but I never say anything - LOL! - no need to push my paranoia on to them. They are 29 & 30 now, so if it hasn't shown up yet, it likely won't. They have had enough stress in their lives that it should have by now if it was going to - but Mom's never stop worrying!!!

Are you doing much to detox yet? That should help with the symptoms, even the brain fog. When my brain fog lifts, I know that I'm done herxing, you will find your patterns too.

Denial is such a horrid thing to struggle with!! I've gone into denial about having Lyme both times I was diagnosed!!! This last time though, it only lasted for 2 days, then I started back into treatments. Many of us struggle with denial, so don't feel bad.

And for the brain fog - boy, have I got stories and have I ever read some others that would make us all laugh and laugh!! Try to see it as a symptom of your infections, not as a part of you.

It seems that those that struggle the most are those that don't like not being in control of at least their own body - which is most of us, so you're in some good company!! LOL!

Let us help you get through this - and we can't help if you don't post. We are new friends that need to get to know you, but we do want to get to know you!! I have found some of the most very bestest friends here! We understand what brain fog combined with a busy day can do to a person!! We know how it feels to not to feel in control of our own bodies and so much more.

You'll make it, just let us help you through this. The other thing that helps me the most - besides being in treatment and detoxing - is helping others. That's what got me into this job as a Moderator and why I'm still here!! LOL!

There are many reasons for a child to be having real issues with their teeth, but Lyme is most certainly one of them!! We do know that this is yet another place the Lyme bacteria like to live. I would encourage you to get him tested if you think he could be infected.

I too have had very serious issues with my teeth most of my life - and I took good care of them! At a young age, around 34, I had to have all of my upper teeth removed (well those that remained anyway) and got a denture. It wasn't long after that that I got a lower denture as well. I believe that my issues were due to undiagnosed Lyme for many, many years.

Yes, it would make sense that the artemisinin is making you herx. Keep on detoxing! You have to play 'catch up' with those toxins. You can lower your dose if it gets to be overwhelming, scary or severe.

Are you taking the hydrocortisone for your adrenals?

Not sure if I important but if that old phone has a storage card the picture can be put on that tiny sd card then the card can be unmounted and inserted into an adapter card that can be taken to walgreens or znywhere you have picturex made . Just a suggestion. I agree a picture of a rare EM should stop all the crap you are getting from docyors. Hang in their. Try to keep yourself calm I know how hard it is to do that when inthe midst of confusion and so many crazy symps

I called mayo clinic and asked what the bands were and they said everything was negative and they had no information on bands?

Thanks to you all. We are all in this together :)

i can give my username and password to you through email to my chart thing. the copy of my western blot jsut says negative. i even called mayo clinic to get a report on the bands and they said they didnt have it?

They sent it to me in the mail. i asked specifically to see the bands. They said all bands were nonreactive over the phone. and the paper only says negative.

Maybe they only did the Elisa and not the western blot, that would explain the no bands.

Pictureofhealth has a point - it could have been an ELISA which is worthless for Lyme, even though doc's insist on using it, and now Labcorp won't even use a WB if the ELISA isn't used first and it's not positive. Crazy, crazy world we live in!!

Well, it wasn't a good lab anyway - not for Lyme testing anyway. There are only two US labs that I'm aware of that actually use the special testing mediums required and train their lab tech specifically for doing a proper Lyme Western Blot. Those labs are Igenex and Stoney Brook Labs.

All other labs actually do these tests in the wrong way, so anyone that gets a positive from other labs is really, really positive when the test is properly performed.

It would likely be a lot less hassle to have the test performed at one of these other labs - and if money is an issue, if you meet some guidelines, there is a program called Lyme tap that will help pay for testing through Igenex:
www.lymetap.com/