Meltdown last night!!!

I was having a bad evening - bad vibrations/nerve pain...and since our computer died...I've been having to use the iPad for most of my stuff. I don't use it often...and I'm not used to where the buttons are for which function.
So, I'm fumbling...it's also heavy for my left hand...and spewing out complaints...grumbling...etc. as I try to turn the volume up, etc.
Hubby who is sitting next to me gets "short" with me...and says something about me being lame and sarcastically says "Can you handle it?"
That's all I needed to set me off. I go upstairs and burst into tears...and I mean sobbing...loudly...uncontrollably...
Within a few minutes he's at my side...and he's in tears, too. He's apologizing and rubbing my back lightly. Then tells me how brave I am - to be fighting this for so long...and says "girlie, you're going to be okay...I know you will...you're so strong...you will beat this". You have to beat this...because YOU are my life".

I am so fortunate to have his support...but I realize how fragile he is too because of my illness.

I've been treating this for almost 5 months...I shouldn't be having these meltdowns anymore.....I still sometimes get this worried feeling when my symptoms flare...

I get out of bed this morning - two hours after hubby has left for work...and there's a little note on the kitchen counter...with a drawing of my cat...and it says, "Rusty wants to sit on mama's lap" and "luv u". So, then I'm crying again...what an emotional mess i am.

Thanks Trav - I have been very busy lately dealing with my father's estate and the family issues that seem to have developed. Probably too much going on for a healthy person...so definitely too much for me in my state.

I know my hubby is there for me...I just feel so awful that this is making both of us so fragile. He has to go to work everyday and carry it with him. And he is such a trooper.
I feel like this is aging us....quickly...I felt so young prior to this...and now I'm like 20 years older.
I'm hoping once well...it will be so good...that we are like spring chickens again...lol

Girlie: It saddens me that you are having such a rough time with all, emotions included. Its not you that was shedding the tears during your meltdown. It was the lyme doing this. Your strength is evident in every word you write here. I am glad that you have your hubby with you on your side in this battle with mr. lyme. As I see it, the battle with lyme is sometimes way worse than the symptoms leading up to it. I know the feeling of quick aging because of these herxing symptoms. I started my lyme treatment a year ago and before i started, i felt strong. I could walk up and down stairs like a normal man. I was part of a hiking group which hiked up to the top of Mount Cheam here which is over a mile high. I was climbing up to the top of our new shed roof and installing metal roofing a year ago. Today, i cannot walk up the stairs without pain. My walk on some days is a lesson in knee pain with every step. When i go to sleep, i cannot get away from the pain in my right arm that is now there all the time. I could go on and on. I know that these are all lyme and not the real me and thats what keeps me going. Dear wife also looks after me as i look after her. Last night she made me a special tea and she made me a garlic sandwich with coconut oil using lovely sourdough bread. And i in return make her (and myself) drinks containing now 9 vegetable and fruit ingredients. Wife and i will both get past this lyme battle of our lives and so i also believe that you too will persevere. Sending you a fatherly hug and wishing you well. xfmlg

That's what I've seen too Girlie some families don't make it through such a trial, and others are stronger for it - and you aren't alone about tears for others as well - I do that too!

I have felt for many years now that a strongly supportive Lyme community helps with the pressure on the family, which is what we try our best to create here. I'm glad that you are a large part of it!!

Hang in there!! We'll all get through this....together!!!

(((((hugs)))))

Pirouette - My husband has always felt that he is to fix everything...and make everything ok. But, because he can't...he feels so helpless...and it makes him feel inferior.
But, I know one thing...our bond is stronger than ever...and we will definitely be together..til death do us part.

Sometimes I just gotta laugh at the memory...or lack of it...lol.
The other day my husband was on his way out the door..and he didn't want his watch on...so he took it off and told me to put it on a shelf. (I don't remember...this is what he says happened). Then when he came home ...it wasn't on the shelf. He asked me where I DID put it...and I have no recollection of the "incident"....haha. We still haven't found the watch.

Part of me thinks it never really happened...it's a conspiracy. hehe