my feelings are hurt :(

I am sure your Mom is very proud of you! You are going to be well again. Look forward to those days. Sorry they treated you badly. Really, people don't understand our disease and it is not fair. Sometimes we deserve some understanding!

I'm pretty sure they do mean to make me feel bad. Everyone can tell. Everyone knows they just don't like ME. Its not a secret. My hubby knows. He sees it. He commends me for toughing things out for the sake of our son. I don't want him to mention anything to them, it's never worked before. It just makes it worse. They make fun of me behind my back to other family members for having hurt feelings. I'd rather just.... bottle it up I guess. I'm just not into putting up with it while I'm this sick.

If they felt half as bad as me, they would be in the hospital. No joke. I know exactly who I am and what I'm about. I'm not an awful person and I don't get off on making people feel like crap. They can do it all they want, but I won't be around them for a while. The last 3 or 4 years have just been awful to me. It feels like it's been pouring on me the entire time.

I'm going to learn from this!!!! Somehow!! I'll make this work for me!

I know how you feel. I have some issues with my in-laws too, but they're a lot further away than yours are and they only call my husband's cell phone now, so I rarely get to chat with them. That wasn't right of yours to take over your kitchen and your son. Any chance your fiance would help you do a small batch with your son?

Both of my parents are gone now. My dad was the stereotypical grandfather, but only got to spend about 5 years with my first born. He loved her to pieces and vice versa. He at least heard he was getting a 2nd grandchild a couple of days before he passed away. Their other grandfather isn't as loving. My MIL is a sweetheart, though.

I'm glad you have this site for support. Hopefully by next Christmas, you will feel a lot better and can do more with your son. Keep hanging in there.

I'm so happy I have all of you too! This is the best support I think I've ever had my entire life!

I wish there was a magic button I could press that would let people into my body for a while to see what it feels like. It's like a torture chamber!!

My fiance is amazing and if he has the time he will help me do something for our son. I'm sure we will figure something out. I think my emotions are exaggerated because I'm so sick the last few days. Things are constantly changing and I can't keep up, I'm easily overwhelmed.

I want my son to grow up knowing that he has a Mama that demands respect. I don't want him to know what a pushover I really am! I want to be a rock for him. I want him to look at me and know that I'm unshakeable and can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. I won't give up on getting my life back!

I feel like he has lost me through this. I'm not the same Mom anymore. That's OK for now, because like I said I wont be sick forever!

This too shall pass. And if I could make one promise to my son and my Mom, it's that I'm a fighter! Being this sick might ruin my day, but it won't ruin my life. I can still find things to smile about. And I will always have this forum to come to to unload when I'm feeling weak. This will make me a stronger person, a better Mother, a better human being in general. I thought I understood empathy before this, but WOW! It may beat down my broken body, but it's allowing my heart to grow. My soul is alive and well. If I was well, I'd probably be too busy to think about life from this perspective. So there's something to be thankful for.

My son is the light in the darkest days. He always will be. One day he will be old enough for me to tell him all of this.

You dear, are an angel.

I'm also used to doing the holiday run arounds. Truth be told I had 3 thanksgivings this year but I have informed all parties that this would be the last year I was doing that. It is 100% okay to not do that - and it is not being selfish - it is putting your nuclear family FIRST. That is too much stress even for a healthy person!

Some people make it excruciatingly difficult to not play their games. I'm still working on that with some family members myself. Once you have the energy again you will figure it out. And you are right, you are NOT going to be sick for forever. I have a feeling you will rebound relatively fast - just keep hanging onto that!

~beth

Oh Opugirl! I hope you are right and I do have a speedy recovery! I've made my mind up, this is a war I'm going to win! I probably won't feel like this all the time, but while I do I plan on enjoying it! I'd be an alien or something if I could grasp how to be this at peace despite the awful circumstances.... or maybe Buddha or someone like that hahaha.

Family can be a real drag, ya know? It's a shame that we set ourselves up to be put in awkward positions. I'm over it! And you all should be too!

No matter what, as soon as you accept that you take care of YOU first- everything else gets easier. At least for me! It's my new thing. If that makes me selfish then so be it!

IHL—so sorry you had to experience that—on top of being sick in a way that no one but us understands. It's not fair, it's not right and it's not healthy for you.

I love the idea others have suggested—to pick something that you, your fiancé and son can all do together. It was fun for your son to bake cookies w/ the "in-laws" and very sweet of them to love him the way they are. So, at least they are good for that and you are so wise to support the importance of his relationships.

But girl, you need to detox his relatives and anyone else who treats you that way! If you and your fiancé have attempted to discuss this issue with them and they are still treating you that way—it's time to draw the line.

This touches a sore spot with me because I recently had to do that with my aunt. I don't know why, it's a little bit in her nature and I became the target du jour for her because she's treated my mother (her sister-in-law) the same way once upon a time. But she's passive-aggresively nasty and sweet for no reason. I can't say this about everyone in my life because my lymerage has ruined MANY relationships. But with her, I know for sure that I have never given her any reason to treat me this way because she has always been one person in my family whom I have liked and enjoyed and wanted to be around. But then 10 yrs ago she started treating me on tooooo many occasions like crap.

So finally, FINALLY this past year I decided that I'd had enough and that no one can change this situation but me. And I withdrew from the relationship with her. Granted, we live in separate states and I see her only a couple times a year but now, with my illness and so so so many more important things competing for my attention and energy—I will not give her anymore opportunities to hurt me. That IS in my power. No more. I know she has become aware of my distance and we'll see what that eventually brings but for now, I am peacefully indifferent.

Once I made that decision and "let go" of any responsibility I have to her, boy did I feel better. Like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and that confidence you get from doing something you know was right and smart of you. LOL—the opposite of when you know you really screwed something up! Indifference can be cathartic. And absolutely necessary for me to get into the right head and heart "space" for the holidays.

For you, you don't have the luxury of distance like I do. But I like d2gw's suggestion. I think you mentioned you already tried to confront them. But instead of confronting them about something that has happened in the past, perhaps you plan ahead for the next interaction with them (which, really, it is up to you to interact with them or NOT to—a little time off from them would be very very healthy for you). But if you do need to prepare for interaction with them, set your terms and do it up front. Be your very sweet self but cheerfully and confidently let them know how things are going to go down. Let them know that you want them to do X and you're going to do Y and you're really looking forward to it, etc… And then follow through… and if they start to challenge you—let them know this isn't what you discussed.

Often, we teach people how to treat us. And sometimes, as other posters have suggested, there are people in life who have to be told what you expect from them. And in order to protect yourself, you have to establish your boundaries. And you're also better off limiting what you expect from them… if your expectations are low, then you'll never be disappointed. It's not that you don't love them—it's that you like other people better. ;) Your fiancé is all who matters and he will appreciate you standing up to them.

It sucks, but it is an essential life lesson. And eventuality your son will be old enough to pick up on this behavior—not just theirs but yours in allowing it. And I know you want him to see you as wonderful as you really are. ;) LOL stupid life lessons...

You come first… you're stronger than you think you are. And just wait—once you've kicked this illness—you'll be the bionic woman.

;)

-p

Ouch, some people are just mean. It's so rude to laugh at someone!!! Is it healthy for your son to watch that behavior? You seem like such a devoted mom.
I had to distance myself from my family in order to become more healthy emotionally. Luckily, my friends are like my family...and I love life. I don't know the ins and outs of the relationship, but for me, I always introspected, before dumping people. Sometimes, I realized that was a different approach I could take, I.e- being more assertive, communicating my needs...Other times, I didn't need certain people in my life.
Personally, I wouldn't want my kid seeing me being treated disrespectfully, without me being able to stand up to it. Does your husband stick up for you? Can you tell him, you need him to, if you will be going?

Seems like a difficult place to be in.