It's official. I'm completely insane from lyme.

I'm not capable of doing anything! I can't think straight, I can't remember anything. I feel like I'm a completely different person. Thinking about my reactions and proactivity lately I'm just astounded. Under the circumstances I'd usually be doing everything completely different than I have been.

It's so frustrating, you know? I can't trust myself to make plans and keep them. I can't say that I'm going to do ANYTHING because I'll either forget or get too sick to do it. I have no motivation to participate in life.

I can't remember the words of Rudolph the red nose reindeer. Hahaha I'm literally pulling it up on Google to sing with my son. I'm just.... kind of here. It breaks my heart! I feel so bad for my family! They are so nice about it, no one asks me for anything anymore. I used to be the glue that held our life together. And now I'm here, but not really. I'm proud of my family for taking up my slack.

It's really hard to be like this.. I feel very useless and I am. My reactions are so...weird. I know people must think I'm totally crazy at times, but nope. I just have lyme disease and a plethora of Co infections controlling my life.

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

IHL - You're definitely not the only one who is feeling the consequences of Lyme brain at this time of year!!

My son and girlfriend came home for a couple days and wanted to do our annual Xmas cookie decorating.
So I mixed up the cookie dough and when I rolled it out... It was sticking to the board - kept having too add flour. The first pan came out of the oven - not looking right - totally stuck to the pan - tossed them out and then it hit me - I was supposed to put 4 cups flour in and only remembered putting in 2 . And I was being VERY careful when measuring out the ingredients - and I still screwed it up.
So frustrating!

Also messed up something else that could have had some devastating consequences - but I won't say what that one was.

Hahaha I know I'm not the only one! It's awful to not be able to rely on yourself. And worse to embarrass yourself. When I'm on the other side of things it will probably be hilarious! But right now I'm only feeling frustrated.

Katebirch-

I'm taking antibiotics and supplements. I can list them all if you want haha its quite a lot of stuff. I'm in the very beginning still. My doctor starts slow and works up, thank god!

I wish there was a better understanding from a few more people that had to deal with me. I don't want to force them to learn about Lyme though. It's hard knowing they think I'm just a lunatic or out of my mind.. but hey. I think the same of some of them and they don't have an excuse! So there!

I think we are all so tired! And you are so right- we don't need people in our lives if they make it more difficult than it already is. Love my children mom you hang in there too! I hope your son gets his health back soon so you can breath easy again. You deserve a worry free life. Worrying about your children is the worst feeling in the world. I too have a son I worry about :(

And mister mike I'll have to post a picture of my tattoo when it's all finished up. You know I'm healed the day I sit on the tattoo table again!

Thanks IHL, I've had more than one break down this year - Our life has been constant with disasters and I've had multiple surgeries and serious illnesses - hard to then keep a family of 6 together with one mentally ill with Lyme.... I appreciate your kindness and anytime, will be happy to help you through bad days...

IHL I was dealing with the psychosis part of lyme from about the end of June until the beginning of this month. I started IV abx at the beginning of november and started to feel less crazy in about a month. I'm still very foggy and don't feel as though I have much to talk about other than lyme stuff, it feels like so few people know about the neurological implications of our insidious disease. Hang in there! You have family and as others said just love them. I live alone and just helped my folks retire earlier this year and broke up with a girl that I was with for 6 years, having people understand what the lyme community is dealing with on a day to day basis in your life is a blessing that I wish I had. This may seem redundant but go low to no carb if you can. I feel an improvement from that alone. It's a long road we have ahead of us and I feel your pain. I couldn't remember my own song lyrics. Can you imagine trying to write new ones on lyme? lol

Thank you all so much! It's nice to know I'm not alone. "You don't know true sorrow until you've lost your mind." My schizophrenic father told me this once. I feel like through this experience I can understand him better. I'm much more patient with him. And he's right, it's very sorrowful.

As bad as this disease is, it's treatable. I need to keep that in mind when I feel like complaining. It could be a lot worse.