The power of the spirit

A few days ago I had posted about how sad and difficult it is to celebrate Christmas because of the stress, fatigue, and just having to deal with all of the stuff.

But today while I sit here and watch my family celebrate I realize how lucky we are to have loved ones to share our lives with.

Sometimes I have felt alone and lonely. Now I realize that it was only because they were giving me the room to heal and to face my monsters the way that I know best.

The peace and joy that I feel right now is so strong that it makes my spirit strong and blessed. Lyme is all I think of day and night, yet today, it has taken a backseat to the love of my loved ones.


I hope that you too allow your spirit to find your inner peace so you can heal from this terrible illness.

Yes, the power of spirit, I love Christmas more now cause it helps me get out of my pain more and give to others, I love wrapping presents even if the gift is small and not costly, it helps me a lot.

I would like to know where my loved ones are, ha ha! I don't think I have very many of those.

Margaret

When i start thinking of lyme, that is really when all of these symptoms take control of my fears. All i think now is about my love ones. I enjoy my family and ignore the symptoms. If i am being treated, why worry? This has made a huge difference, for the better.

Circumstances change over time and lyme does a number on our minds. Wife and I have lyme confirmed now for 1 year but we have had it all our lives. We believe that we have infected both our son (40) and daughter (37) with lyme and their lyme has worked on their minds and without them knowing it was lyme at work. The result is that daughter is estranged from us partially for 16 years and now fully for 3 years with absolutely no contact. Our son is fully estranged from us now for 12 years. We have 3 grandchildren we do not know. Especially at times like Christmas, thoughts and love turn towards our children, but what we now think about is how did things go so wrong. Do these 2 not hold any love for their parents. Where are they now that they can so uncaringly toss their parents under the bus and leave us for dead. So yes, this year our christmas was a christmas just for the 2 of us and not a room full of family. And it is so - so - so empty. And all we seem to do is rehash and rehash how could things have gone so wrong. So in that sense, it has been an awful christmas. The only worse christmas i could imagine is if either wife or me was seriously life threateningly ill at this time. I guess we can think ourselves as lucky in spite of the awful herxing i am experiencing now where i seem to have a permanent limp for 11 months because my knee is so inflamed. Shaving, teeth brushing is also so difficult to do with my left hand because my right elbow is worse than my right knee. I sure could use that hug that my daughter used to give her dad now, but i am afraid it might never be again. Still New Years eve and day to get through and then life will revert without these tear jerker holidays to contend with till the next ones like their birthdays, and mothers/fathers days. That is the fate of estranged parents and it is so much worse because of the complication of lyme in all our lives. The only good thing about this is that we know know the beast that stalks us. Lyme. xfmlg

So happy to hear you had such a fulfilling holiday, Healing98! Even better is your new attitude moving forward.

Yep, I wake each day ready to make notes in my symptoms journal because there are inevitably notes to make.

However, you may recall me sharing on your thread that I realized I didn't have any Christmas spirit and I decided to focus on the warmth and love rather than glitz and glimmer.

Well, that was one of the best decisions I've made for myself. I did not stress about anything Christmas-related and set reasonable goals for myself.

No cards went out - oh, well. And, while telling myself I'd be happy if I baked 5 different kinds of cookies this year, I was merrily chugging along in the kitchen and managed to turn out 9 different kinds :)

Most important was the time I spent with my family and it was wonderful.

While I'm still dealing with symptoms, their number, frequency and intensity have diminished significantly.

Never underestimate the power of love and positive thinking!

Healiing98 : I really appreciate your reply to me here. It warms my heart to hear a positive result of the wayward travels of your adult children. I envy your listening for the pitter patter of tiny feet in the morning. Oh how i wish this was in my cards. My faith in God is also absolute, but it is not just faith that i must base my day to day actions in life. Regarding both my children, I must look reality in the face and decide what action i should take to promote love and healing.

With regards to my 40 year old son, no matter how i look at my situation now, i have no vision of optimism. Wife and I have been told that our 12 year old grandson has asked his dad as to why there we are excluded from his life. The reply of our son is that we, this boy's grandparents, are crazy and cannot be trusted, and for this reason, he, our son does not want even a minute contact with us. about a year ago, wife knocked on his door asking him to come to the door so that she could give him her motherly hug. He took a screaming rage at her, and phoned the local RCMP and asked them to escort her off the property with a warning never to do that again. 4 years ago, i was at his doorstep and he came out of his house at the time and i said that it was about time that we started talking again to resolve issues, and i proposed an a meeting with an independent counselor to start the ball rolling. In this, I must have said something wrong that he did not like, and so he exploded yelling at me at the top of his voice and calling me with that famous F word many times. To end this scene on the street, all i could do was retreat from this place to the safety of my vehicle and drive away shaken to the core by my son's outburst.

Daughter does not use the F word against us but she has decided that she was emotionally abused by mom when she was growing up, up to age about 22. During this time, wife has kept several lovely home made cards by our daughter how much love there is between the two of them. Her main battle seems to be with her mom but 3 years ago she upped the ante towards me too. She calmly gave me an ultimatum that was like this. She said that she considers mom this abuser, and that since i did nothing to stop this abuse at the time, she considers me a co-abuser. I reminded her that during the time in question, she never accused anyone of abuse, she did not complain to anyone including me of any abuse, and now it was 15 years later, and i am being judged this way by her. I told her that in my opinion, she was never abused emotionally and as such i or wife have nothing to apologize to her for. A comment that sounded somewhat like this came from her. Well, when you are old and cannot look after yourself, you can not count on me to be wiping your ass. What a nice thing to say. Next, in an email letter to me she made herself even more clear to me. She said that she considers her mom crazy and as such it is my duty as wife's husband, that i should insure that wife gets the necessary diagnosis for being crazy, and then gets the right treatment for being crazy, only till such a time arrives will she be glad to be back in our lives. In my reply email i asked her who will be that sanity judge and what are the qualifications of this professional. She replied that she alone with her brother will be the judges of my progress on this file.

Well that ended all communication with me, and in the foreseeable future, i do not see any any any progress in these matters. My one hope is that this 12 year old grandson will come knocking on our door within a few years to find things out for himself. His 6 year old little brother will take a bit longer. Our new granddaughter by our daughter is only months old and so that wait for the next generation will be a long one. I am 71 and wife is 66 and we are both battling lyme. We believe that both our kids have had this lyme passed on to them by us, their mom and dad.

The workings of lyme on the mind are cruel and i believe that the answer is to somehow get through to them that they are in danger of their own lyme destroying what is left of their lives. I also fear for those 3 little ones. In the meantime, i will not sit idly by and just forget them. That is impossible, and i will do all within my powers to repair these relationships, but i am not optimistic. Miracles can happen. I however do not foresee a miracle in the near future. xfmlg