I feel like I've taken 10 steps backward

Hi hon!

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I just started another abx, tindamax. I don't feel like I'm herxing. I just feel like I'm sliding backwards. I feel more foggy brained and weaker. I just feel sicker.

Hmmm.... I wonder what is going on with us? I was expecting to feel a little better...... Not worse. Lol.

I have my 2 girls home all week on school vacation. It's nice to have the distraction. I'm forced to do things......go to the mall, go to the movies.... But it's hard to do while I feel so weak. It must be hard for you with such a young child to care for! I am so sorry!

I wonder if we are both undergoing some serious die off? It would be nice. It would be even nicer if we turn the corner and start to feel actual improvement! Fingers crossed.

I know exactly how you feel. I am there too!

Xoxoxo

We've got a little suffering klasch going here, I'm in!

This is week six of abx for me, and the first big herx started the Monday before Christmas and has barely let up since. This is some bad suffering, and I'll spare you the list. Needless to say my laptop screen is out of focus and my typing... well, I'm using the back button quite a bit, haha

My plan for the day involves a sweat if I can haul myself to the gym, a peat bath if I can't, and a long midday nap. It can't screw up my sleep any worse than it already is, so what the hay.

There's a light at the end of this tunnel, and it requires patience and strength to get to it.

As for the soak, only soak your feet for a short time. That will lessen it's impact, yet help you still move some toxins out.

I can certainly understand why you are having issues with taking the meds with you still throwing up so much. That shouldn't be happening and your doc should be trying to find out why!!! Until then, be sure to use those nausea pills!!! It's incredibly important that you keep your meds & supplements in you so that they can work. That's the only way past all of this.

If you feel cold, be sure to be drinking warm liquids - you can even heat your lemon water and add a bit of stevia to it for a nice lemon tea - just be sure to rinse your mouth well afterwards so the lemon doesn't damage the enamel of your teeth.

I too have felt totally toxic. It's a horrid feeling, but there is a way out. Each of us have different tolerances, so I can't just tell you what to do, but I know that you will find it. Keep trying. Detoxing is the way out of this.

Yes, that's exactly why I always caution to go slow!! I too had to touch the fire and get burned to know better!! LOL! Only all I had to do was try to use something to detox! My body was soooo very overloaded with toxins that literally any attempt to detox was overwhelming.

And to be honest, so few doctors even think detoxing is necessary that we get no help from them in understanding how careful we must be. And, if your body is already overloaded with toxins, it's so easy to 'throw yourself over the cliff' as you so aptly put it. I did it again when I got reinfected!! LOL!! How's that for goofy!! I had no clue that in that short amount of time I would have built up so many toxins! But stress isn't kind to my body - or many others - so we have to be diligent in all things. We can't get "too busy" to take care of ourselves even once we heal these infections.

And yes, funny, but not at all funny!!! So please forgive the smirk on my face, as I understand all too well what you have experienced!

Slow and steady is what we need. Just like the tortoise and hare story - and we must be the tortoise. A little video (8 & 1/2 min) for you to watch - and your son will likely get a kick out of it too!! :
/www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeZe2qPLPh0

You are all so kind. I wouldn't want to go through this without the forum. It's soul soothing to connect with others that know exactly what I mean.

I just totally over did it and cleaned my whole house. Running around like a mad woman! I even rearranged the fire place area and moved a heavy shelf outside. Remember I'm only 95 pounds and hardly over 5 feet. Why am I so crazy?! However, it feels wonderful to see clean floors, all the toys are put away, I can see my kitchen counters, and the fresh laundry and rugs smell nice. I even gave my house plants baths and trimmed them up.

But now I get to pay for it. The base of my skull feels like .... well. You guys all know that awfulness. The fatigue is profound. I took all of my medicine correctly and ate two nice healthy meals. My son is happy and running around laughing and playing. If only I could steal some of his energy hahaha.

Main point I woke up feeling like death. I've finally learned a few tricks that actually work and help me feel better. If I take nausea medicine and pain medicine I do pretty dang good! And the gentle detox works wonders. Traveler my hot tea warmed up my hands and my stomach. Little things like that help so much. I just needed to be reminded, thank you for all for reminding me ALL the time!

I'm becoming more confident with my treatment. And I feel like it's working. Since September I've already come a long way. I remember how crazy and all over the place I was emotionally when I first started this journey. That's been my biggest change, is the way I think. I changed my perspective and when I stopped feeling sorry for myself I had all of this space left in me. And I've been filling that space with strength, and courage. And badassery! It sounds so cheesy, but it's my truth.

I think if I can keep my focus throughout my entire treatment things are going to go wonderfully for me. I've chosen to be inspired by resilience, not wasted on self doubt and desperation. And it feels good to be here. I know I can do this!! And so can all of you!

Awsome IHL! One step at a time....

For me, the improvements come in micrometer amounts....hardly noticeable, until many weeks to months later...as they start to become noticeable.

My goal is to compare myself with the same month a year ago...not month to month.

So, a year ago December, I was doing less. I wasn't sleeping well, which I am now. I would never go downtown two days in a row...which I don't hesitate now.

There are many little things that have improved.

So, keep up the good work...the positive attitude is huge...and you will get more good days...

I feel great right now! Compared anyway. It feels good to walk around my house and see it look the way it used to all the time hahahaha.

I'm pretty tired. I had to work off all of that nervous energy. You can tell how stressed out I am by how clean my house is! It was nice to do normal things. Today will be a day for rest. And eating healthy!

A positive attitude goes a long long way. I've read the spoon theory a bunch of times. I just love it! I think I will forward that to my fiance I think he needs to read it. And when my son wakes up I'm going to watch that YouTube video you posted with him. My laptop died :( so I just have my phone until I replace it. Bummer!

I think comparing myself every 6 months or a year is a good idea. Even since September my thoughts and feelings have really improved. It was hard work but I have to make the choice everyday to be thankful and smile! If I let myself I'd be really depressed and anxious. I feel like I'm starting to win!

Woot woot!! I hope I always feel like this. I'm glad I wrote it on here. When my days get dark again I'll look back on this and hopefully be inspired.

This whole experience is somewhat empowering. I've never had to rely on myself in such a way. When you are this sick no one can help you. You have to get yourself through it. I'm finding I have strength in me that I probably would've never knew existed!

I'm trying to be thankful and open to this experience. Being thankful for something as horrible as these infections is definitely a challenge. But I don't have a choice, I have to get through it somehow. If I keep my heart and mind open I think I will be surprised at what I get out of it. I think being stripped down to nothing especially at this young age, the rest of my life will be lived with gratefulness. I'll be grateful for the simplest of things like walking, or being able to talk.

I think of my mom often. She was sick when I was growing up and that was really hard on all of her kids. Now that I'm a sick mom myself I feel like I can make her proud and still do a good job with my son. Just a few months ago I was terrified of this.. but now I'm not. What I have is treatable!!!! This disease may take a lot of enjoyment out of things, but it can't take the love out of my heart.

I'm going to feel so silly when I have some bad days and completely crumble and take all of this back hahaha. I know you will all be here when those days inevitably happen. Today will be a good day!

It is so great girlie!! Inexplicably awesome!