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help with explaining rage to OH

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Posted 6/2/2015 10:09 AM (GMT 0)
Is there anyone who can give me a hand please? I have been trying to explain 'the rage' to my other half. He seems to get the physical symptoms that go with being ill, but I am not doing a very good job of explaining the emotional bit to him.

I tried to explain that I have periods, sometimes brief, sometimes not so brief, when I just get sort of, well, overwhelmingly angry....and very confused. I tried to explain that I am not actually angry at him, he is just there. I do my best to talk myself round - deep breaths, remind myself that it will pass, but I usually get all confused and more wound up, so it's quite a difficult thing to do.

Short version is I think he thinks I am either mad at him, or just making it up. He asks me why I am angry, I can't explain - I have no 'why' any more than I have a 'why' for my physical pain.

Would anybody be willing to post by way of example/explaination so that I can show him what others think? I am sure you could do a much better job of it than I appear to be doing.

Thanks y'all
Posted 6/2/2015 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
I could explain chemically what you are going through but most people wouldn't understand it. If I were in your position, I'd make sure I was eating or supplementing enough tryptophan and tyrosine, I'd take a low dose lithium and a low dose manganese. I'd get my genetic profile done with 23andme.com and see where my pathway was blocked and supplement that. I'd take SAMe (low dose to start) and I'd supplement with sublngual melatonin at night. I'd cut back on eating as much protein for now and take something like EDTA or Pectasol-C powder for lead/heavy metal toxicity. You may not have that or the other issues I mentioned, but something is going on and hitting them all would help alleviate your issues. I'd start slow and gradually increase my dosage.
Posted 6/2/2015 11:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi silly sheep,

So sorry you are going through this. Instead of talking maybe write it down in a note on paper. I would write that the physical symptoms cause toxins which go into my brain and sometimes make me feel confused, angry, etc.

When people get sick (whether it's from lyme or from a different illness) they are not the happiest people in the world because they are suffering... Golly, you are only human...

Don't know if that helps or not,
Denise
Posted 6/4/2015 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
"So there's still an infection and it might be low grade . . . it can provoke autoimmune symptoms, gliosis where the immune system of the brain is activated from the infection in the body, and/or neural functioning can be impaired from the impact of cytokines on the brain...

Late stage neuropsychiatric Lyme disease can best be conceptualized as a disseminated and progressive, (predominately sub-cortical), encephalopathy."

http://www.mentalhealthandillness.com/Articles/AggressionAndLymeDisease.htm
http://danielcameronmd.com/lyme-conversation-bransfield/

"Lyme disease can cause increasing irritability and dramatic flares of anger, says Sherr. Suddenly you hear bone-cutting verbal assaults from people who are usually more measured and benign. They may have been harboring some small grievance for years, then that hot spot comes to life and they spew out all this venom. Such outbursts cause lasting wounds.”

"While some Lyme patients become verbally abusive, others lose confidence and withdraw from social situations...."

I thought this quote apropos, too:
“Lyme produces a microedema, or swelling in the brain...This affects your ability to process information. It’s like finding out that there’s LSD in the punch, and you’re not sure what’s going to happen next or if you’re going to be in control of your own thoughts.” http://www.igenex.com/psychological_effects.htm
Posted 6/4/2015 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Essentially, it was as if the bacteria would become my "monster inside me" and would rage at the world. There was no control over it, except I could postpone it for a short time (like if I was in public), but then it was even more violent when it all came out.

I used to scare the heck out of my poor hubby, who was just certain I'd like to take his head off - yet that wasn't it at all. Like you explain, Silly Sheep, it was just because he was there. If he hadn't been there, I would have been screaming at the wall - it wouldn't have mattered to whatever was driving the rage.

We live in a rural area, so I would go out in the back/side yard and split wood, or find a very large tree branch and beat the livin' daylights out of some poor tree - anything so that I wasn't raging directly at hubby.

The look on his face when I would come back inside all calm was kind of priceless though!! LOL!! I'd give him a kiss as I passed by him and his eyes were full of doubt that I was done raging!! He surely didn't want to get "caught" in my rages.

It might be best just to show him this page - that way he can see for himself that many of us have these completely uncontrollable episodes of unexplainable rages. We rage at the universe, no one particular - unless they get in our way! LOL!
Posted 6/5/2015 9:49 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys, you are gems :)

And thank you for the links too. For some reason it seems to happen worse when we are having a thunderstorm, of which we seem to be having a run on at the moment - kinda seems ironically appropriate that I am as riled up as the weather ,lol.

I am hoping I can convince him not to try and calm me down, just to duck and cover.....same approach with the thunderstorms, hey!!

The rest of the time I can actually be quite fun to be around, honestly!!!!
Posted 6/5/2015 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
Thunder-y here, too, & I love storms (just wish it were by the coast on an island like Greece!)! And interesting, with the fight or flight bit, as I tend to be the opposite. With me, now in particular, I am so much more non-confrontational. I have only rage with myself & where the eff this is going--all internal! Today, so far, the Eeyore dark clouds above are sublime :)
Posted 6/5/2015 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
I think i shared here about this recently... when i made my roommate cry... i felt absolutely horrible! It doesn't really matter if it it a guy or not... but it mattered
to me... i guess i figure a woman would say "hey... there's no reason to talk to me like that"... or give me an odd look (like my neighbor did when i got pissy with her).

I had never been that way with either of them... with her... i caught the look.. and said
"Oh God I'm really sorry"... and she smiled and said "It's OK"

But i think since men are not naturally emotional... they don't know what to do with that
kind of intensity... my roommate was stunned... and walked away... and i didn't realize until he told me later... how it affected him.

What made me feel horrible is that my roommate had a brain injury when he was younger... (which makes him sensitive to the world anyway). So i always deal with him a bit differently... out of respect for his challenges. He has said that i treat him better than his family does... but this incident changed that for a bit.

But... we are both grateful that we are able to communicate honestly... so that things don't fester and become resentments. I think that is really the key. That he was free to speak his issue with me... and i had the opportunity to sincerely apologize.

Sometimes i feel like i have been forced onto a hellish roller coaster ride... and of course i would never want to force someone else on the ride with me.

So now my roommate knows what to do... he can say to himself "Ok... shes on a bad ride right now... i will just step back... or get outta the way... until shes done."
It hasn't happened again yet... but if it does... then he will have a chance to practice that behavior.

We both actually learned good stuff from the experience... i had dealt with someone recently who was really irritating me... then i remembered to shift my thinking... so i decided "yep... there just on a bad ride right now" ... i shared this with my roommate... and he got a good chuckle out of it.

But yeah... i still feel bad when i think about it.
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