I need to borrow some of your strength

I'm not feeling very tough today.
I need some of your strength.
My path rocky and rough today.
I'm to weak to walk the length.
So hold my hand or carry me.
Be my rock as I sway and lean.
And when I find my smile again.
It's because of you, my friend.


Man. I'm spent. Even my good days are near intolerable. I don't have energy to be a perky sick person. And what's with that anyway? Why are you expected to be some sort of quirky, unsung hero when you're chronically ill? Why are you expected to always have a smile on your face and be positive about every little thing? That's not very fair. I'm breaking the mold. I'm a grumpy chronically ill person sometimes and I refuse to be ashamed of it. I'm going to puke on the next person that tells me to just "be positive".

Everyone has bad days. I have a lot to complain about but in real life I hardly ever utter a word about how I'm really doing. For the sake of everyone else's comfort. If I answered honestly every time anyone asked me how I was it would make a lot of people avoid me lol! I'm having a bad day, and I'm owning it.

Do any of you guys feel pressured to be... what's a good word. I don't know. Hm. Happy I guess. Optimistic. Humble. Glad. Maybe it's just me and the people I've been surrounded by lately. But it seems as though everyone expects me to be somehow inspiring to them and at the slightest sign of weakness they frown upon me like I'm doing something wrong. I don't get it. I can actually say and feel 100% confident in the fact that I handle myself pretty well. Does that sound arrogant? Maybe that's good! I'd rather be arrogant than fake.

Here's to not being happy and strong all the time! Allowing a bit of weakness and accepting it for what it is seems like a form of strength to me. Maybe I'm delusional. I figure learning how to make weakness serve you is just as important as having strength and slapping a smile on your face.

Ah. Don't sweat the small stuff. This too shall pass. Breath.

I will hold your hand and be your friend.

I was just talking about this last night... how it actually ended my marriage.
Because i was no longer willing to "tolerate" someone who treated me badly,
because i was feeling badly.

Or the way i was treated depended on how i looked "hair,nails,make-up,tan,etc..."
It was all about "keeping up appearances"... wearing the right clothes, driving the
right car, the right neighborhood, social connections... it was a pathetically shallow
existence... that i had no idea going into... because the courtship was alot of fake
impressions of how a good person behaves. The Lies would come out later... after i
had no choice.

Big surprise... I Always have a Choice... nobody else gets to say how i should feel...
That is mine! Good,Bad or Indifferent... its all mine.

So you go ahead and vent... go ahead and feel sad,mad,freaked-out,scared and tired.
We can only take so much...then its gotta be released somehow... its so good that you
can do it here... with folks who "get it".

I want to Thank You for sharing this... it helps open the door for others to do the same.

Hugs

Thanks guys :) and girlie I always appreciate your posts. I think about you a lot too.

Glenn Close gets a few minutes of "Grouch Therapy" ...
I kinda liked watching her do what i don't have the energy for...

Aaaaaargh! Venting is good :)


/www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aQFzj1L_9A

I was just discussing with my mom and husband that it's hard because we don't look sick, I look pretty normal except the weight I've lost and then people say oh you look good(feel like the life is being sucked out of me)... I went to always making sure I have make-up on, hair done something with and dressed ok...to no make-up and hair pulled back in a ponytail and pinned with hairpins in a I don't give a crap do because I feel like I'm dying, people that know me should have recognized something turned! It's not that we don't want to, it's that we can't mentally!
So yes the just be positive and it's not that bad gets old, I'd love to be able to be like I was but...I'd love to be positive but my brain or the bugs swimming in my brain won't allow it.

Please know that I am hoping for you and everyone to have a better day tomorrow! There I go trying to be positive.

Iheartx