Posted 8/9/2015 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
There certainly isn't a lack of love when it comes to my son. And I am always here. It makes me sad that I can't always hold him or help him or play. But I'm always up for snuggles!
I'm very lucky to have the support I do. I'm lucky that my guy cam take time off work to help me. I'm lucky that my brother has a bind with my kid and they hang out all the time.
Sometimes I wish I could crawl out of my skin. Or take my muscles off and throw them in the dryer for a while! I'm actually surprised my mood has held up. I've been much more depressed at certain times in my life. I'd think this would really drag me down. But the truth is my family and I are brought closer because of this. I'm not used to being on the receiving end of help. But the out pour of love and support is there. I know many don't get that.
It makes my heart happy that I've got the opportunity to see this side of my family members. I'm the only girl and I have all these boys around doing dishes, taking care of the kid, sweeping and asking before every load of laundry how to turn the washer on. It is a site tobsee!! Most of the time they are happy to help. They turn on a movie they know I like and force me to have some couch time. They make my favorite meals because they know I puke so much.
When I got my picc line placed I came home to a note from my mother in law, my son and my brother. It said stuff like "you're amazing and tough, no one knows your everyday struggle but we are all here for you" and they called me a warrior for still smiling all the time even though they can see the pain in my eyes. They gave me a handmade cup for tea that's absolutely beautiful. I almost cried! Seeing what they wrote down for me and getting the big hugs and more kind words on top of it made me realize how much they do get it.
I'm not alone. I may be the only one fighting for my health but they recognize my struggle and love me all the same. I'm no less a person to them, I'm more so. If they feel like that and my son gets to see that, imagine how compassionate he's going to be. He has all these role models around him that he gets to be with everyday. Silver lining for sure. He doesn't see us fight. He doesn't see his mom get put down because she's sick. He sees that if anyone in our family goes through a struggle everyone else comes together and holds them up.
Even if he sees me crying and writhing around in pain or puking, he also sees his dad helping me. He sees his uncle making me tea. He sees his grandma making dinner for us. It seems like our situation is rare.
I can't imagine going through this without my families support. For all of you that don't have this, you're the true warrior!! The Lyme patients that go through this and are truly alone, you guys are the real heroes. I take my hat off to you. I feel almost guilty complaining ever knowing how much worse it could be. I'm here, suffering and miserable. But my family believes me and their love is what gets me through every single moment of this hell.