Please help I am feeling suicidal

I had to stop antibiotics because I became sick yesterday with horrible stomach cramps and intestinal discomforts.

I only did 20 days of antibiotics and I already have to give up. I am home alone with a crying infant that needs my love and I am falling apart. I can't do this anymore. I will never get better. I'm done.

I feel so sick I have no way out. I am FLAT broke, I can't even afford to buy herbs to at the moment. My husband works 10 hour days and it's all he can do to pay the bills. I am so depressed and so distraught so lost I can't put into words the pain I feel. Today I wished to die I don't want to be a bad mom and a nuisance to everyone around me because of this illness.

I can't afford to see the llnd. It's not going to happen. We rent an apartment and have a lot of debt already. It was all I could do to pay for the igenex test. My family also doesn't have much money so they can't help me.

How can I get better anyway if I can't even take antibiotics. I know this is a negative point of view but I also don't think herbs or anything will cure me. I just want to give up. But how can I give up. As long as I'm alive I'll want to feel better. What other options do I have? I am at the point where I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

Take some nice slow breaths.

I read through your last posts. In my opinion Amoxicilon (sorry for my mispelling) is an old drug that does cause stomach issues and isn't as effective as many of the newer drugs. Can you call your doctor and ask for something that won't cause you so much gastro intestinal pain? That will allow you to continue to treat. If not try Kefir which is sold right by yogurt. The way it's made eliminates the lactose so it's ok for those on a dairy free diet unless you are super sensitive. It works like a second probiotic.

I know that when I started treating I felt worse which I didn't think was possible. I also felt like I was falling apart and at times I felt like what the heck is the point of doing this. The answer to that is simple. I'm sure like me you have people who love you very much and who you love very much.

It can take months of treatment until you lower your toxin load enough to feel better. We are used to feeling better after a few days of meds and that's not the case with this. It's discouraging but know you are on the right track.

Reading this helped me. Some of the wording is harsh so ignore that. www.lyme-symptoms.com/LymeDiseaseInfo/EradicationProcess.html

We are all here for you and sending you positive thoughts.

If you feel you need to talk to someone here is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1 (800) 273-8255 Their lines are staffed 24 hours a day.

Janet

Thank you so much everyone just knowing you are out there gives me strength. I'll check that website out too than you k07.

Jr now that my little one is asleep I'm go ing to read through the link you sent. Thank you.

I don't know you all personally but I want to say thank you to everyone on here, your here when I have no where else to turn, and that gives me hope when I feel like there is none.

Please read this - and I encourage you to send an email to the samaritans. I used them as a resource twice this fall, for the first time in my life, and it was amazing. Hang in there!
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/samaritans.htm

Evianangel, I know that others have already given you some good advice here, I just wanted to say that I , and many others, know exactly how you are feeling right now. I also wanted to say that as tough as it is you can get through it. It is a fight, no doubt about it, but it is worth fighting for.

Hang in there, lean on others for support - you need to - talk over the other options with your LLMD and keep up your detoxing, that's inexpensive and vital.

I hope that you are feeling a little 'better' when you read this.

Evianangel, thinking of you this morning. How is today for you?

I'm so touched by your kind words everyone. I do feel a bit better this morning and I have all of you to thank. I feel a bit more hopeful. I'm going to wait till I get my test results and start treatment again then and see what the doctor says in a few weeks. I'll have my pay cheque by then so I should be able to proceed with purchasing some herbs.

I just got so upset that I was treating this evil disease then I had to stop so soon. My stomach pain was awful. I didn't eat anything much yesterday but I had some kefir. I felt like I had a stomach flu. I needed a break from all the pills. I just feel lame that some people are on it for months and I couldn't even do four weeks. What a setback.

Thank you again for your encouragement. I know I need to be here for my daughter. I want to stay out of that dark place, but sometimes it is so hard but it really helps to have a place to vent. Blessings to you all.

That's right and we all have to remember that even when it gets really hard to do so. Today isn't looking too good out of my eyes but yesterday was good and tomorrow?

Gob Bless you and your family

hi angel, I have been where you are many times over the last 2 years. I am a RN and was misdiagnosed for at least 10 to 15 years.

I was started on antibiotics and things began to clear up for me, but I like you was so ill, I could not tolerate the antibiotics. I am in the process of reading Dr J book and many people are allergic to them, and with a high bacterial load you have to slowly decrease your load until you can tolerate any type of antibiotic.

I am so sorry for your suffering because I too have suffered and I am still suffering. many times I wanted to die, and commit suicide and those thoughts still run thru my head at times, cause I cannot live my life like I use to. I was active, a gardener, a world champion horse rider, Rn, etc. It has devastated me to have to deal with this illness. I cannot imagine having a small child to care for.

I am sending healing thoughts your way. I do know the price of IV peroxide or any form of oxidative medicine is expensive. Antibiotics out of pocket are high, as well as some herbs.

I am hoping you do have insurance and can afford to try another antibiotic very low dose and slowly.

Be gentle with your body, take one moment at a time, remember your baby needs you and you will get thru this.

you can pm if you like. I have several links you can read about antibiotic treatment, herbs, and oxidative medicine and essential oil treatments. If you cannot tolerate antibiotics dr J book may be the book for you. " Beating Lyme Disease " .

I do know there is financial assistance available. Please someone chime in, cause I do not have links to those yet.

I am praying for you.

I was thinking about you and was so glad to see you felt better today. I pray that it continues on.