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How do you deal with partners that won't or can't get tested?

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Posted 11/3/2016 4:33 AM (GMT 0)
I've been in a relationship for 12 years and one month. When I found out last Spring that I was pos. for RMSF, and that the health dept. lady told me I could infect a tick who could infect someone else, which hindsight logic tells me that you can skip the middle 'man' and directly infect, my male friend moved out of our room.

I was hurt, and it changed our dynamics for the worse, but now of course I feel badly that I probably gave Lyme or RMSF to him long ago.

Other than sciatica and elbow pain he attributes to the job he did, he is very private about how he feels, even when it's obvious to me he doesn't feel well. I can't figure out how a man can be such a baby about tiny booboo's,or a cold, yet entirely closed mouthed about anything that might be serious. Since he quit his job to apply for disability 3 years ago, he has no insurance and has no savings left, other than the little bit of money he gets helping me around the house.

Long story short, I can't pay for him to get an IgeneX test, or for a MD to sign off for one. Even if I could get him to do it.

Should I just try to get him to share my herbs and detoxing methods? He used to be a supplement freak when he could afford it, so I don't think I'd have a problem there.

I know that some of you have 'partners' that you are sure are infected, that won't do anything about it.

Have you tried to treat them anyway?

I say "partners" because "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" isn't the correct term for us any more, by any stretch.

Post Edited (julymorning) : 11/2/2016 10:37:48 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/3/2016 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
My gf is fully supportive of me and my situation. We dont live together but, i know she has been infected and she is refusing to accept her symptoms as lyme n co. Ironically her bf before me had lyme also lol so she has it no question. She cannot afford much either. So i can relate. When i find a prote that works i may just make her take it idk.
Posted 11/3/2016 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Bees randy bees ...but i feel you 8 yrs ago she had palsy and foot drop .they tolder it was demylienating and did spinal and whennit resolved she never looked back ...now im sick ..she wont test ..saying i wanna focus on wellnes not sickness...however she did agree to a drip of blood in the name of hormonal and nutritional aspects ...
she saw under our skin with me ...and so i bought a used microscope and cam off ebay to find the ****ing spirochetes myself ...!
Posted 11/3/2016 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
I hope the best for both our efforts Randy. The last two years I really suffered during the hot months. Didn't affect him at all. He just has his days where he doesn't look right or act his normal self, and I can't get him to tell me what's going on.

He hasn't had any kind of surgery or physical trauma, but his stress level hasn't been easy, especially for a person that has never processed stress properly. His current behavior could be a reflection of that.


He does complain of ear ringing but that's about the only thing other than his back. Which by the way, he received prednisone injections for before he quit his job. I'll have to remember to ask him if he remembers ear ringing before that time. He has terrible habits that I will not be able to convince him to change. He eats junk food of all kinds all the time, and I am sure he's got a bottle of whisky hidden in his truck. Plus he chews. UGH!

I don't know, maybe I'd be wasting my efforts to help with that working against me.
Posted 11/3/2016 7:23 AM (GMT 0)
Wow! I am in such a similar situation. I was actually arguing with him about it tonight. We have been together for 4 years and I am 99% sure that I MUST have given him something... He is really healthy although deals with some minor depression issues. I would say it's probably his job causing him to be a little down but I do have my suspicions. A couple of weeks ago his neck seized up and it has been sore ever since, although is getting better. This freaked me out because I have seen many of you complain about this as a symptom.

He is also a "supplement freak" and spends hundreds on them and hours at the gym. Despite this, he has no savings and wouldn't be able to afford an expensive test. I keep urging him to get the western blot done at least through a GP, he always just says "I don't want to" and then asks me why I get so mad about it.

I feel like he doesn't actually believe the extent of my suffering or that he doesn't believe that Chronic Lyme is real since he reacts this way... If he did believe these things then wouldn't he be concerned for himself?

I realize that you are asking for advice on how to deal/cope with this. Unfortunately I don't have much on this, I just wanted to empathize!

I urged him to at least get vitamins, hormones, adrenals, thyroid, etc. checked out at least. Maybe I am just paranoid. Wouldn't it be great if they came out with a solid study saying that no, it's not sexually transmitted? Very doubtful, but I will keep my hopes up!

Do you live in a country with free health care? Maybe you could make him go for some simple blood tests at least. I don't know exactly how the US health care system works, but the Candian one... Almost everything is free. Except for Lyme stuff obviously. I don't know much about health care in other countries either.
Posted 11/3/2016 7:57 AM (GMT 0)
Ha, no I'm am in the middle/midwest. I can't even get him to go see about the free county clinic. For anything.

I think I was more looking to see how everyone else is handling this. I am not handling it all, and I feel like I shouldn't just stand by and watch and wonder.

The other guestion that comes to mind is, if in my case the relationship wasn't wrecked, if both parties are already infected does it matter anymore if you have sex? Is it like a virus you can pass back and forth or make what you have already, worse?


These are touchy, but very important subjects, I think.

ETA: My friends, we already tell each other clinical evidence is surer than labs, and urge treatment when someone has clinical evidence. Obviously it helps to be sure, particularly if there is no knowledge of the bullseye rash.

That doesn't actually occur with person to person transmission though, does it?

So I guess in any case we have to know if symptoms that check off on the lists came before us or after us. Except in the case with Randy's friend who might have gotten it before.

Post Edited (julymorning) : 11/3/2016 2:07:47 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/3/2016 8:15 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah it is hard because you feel so guilty but they won't do anything to help themselves...

I've wondered about this as well... If both individuals have the same infection then does it matter? I tend to over analyze everything... But I thought to myself that it might matter in regards to the fact that these microbes can become treatment resistant... Example: What if you are taking doxy, the Borrelia mutates, but your partner isn't taking anything and you pass the antibiotic resistant one's onto them. So yeah, that's my over active mind for ya, lol.

I have a couple of herbal tinctures that my mind and body couldn't handle, if he does end up having Lyme then I plan on giving him anything I can't use to save him the money, as long as it is safe of course.
Posted 11/3/2016 11:49 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, unfortunately there is more than enough evidence that at least Lyme has the potential to be passed between partners. If you can, without using it as a "weapon", suggest that you won't get well if they have it also.

Many Lyme patients trial herbs/meds to see if they have these infections. It's a good way to see if they have Lyme even without testing.

If you suspect your partner has these infections, and you can get them to try out the core protocol, you may very well make a believer out of them, and help them heal.

My hubby was the same way. Complete denial he could ever get Lyme, much less from me. Then he got it on his own, so now he's a believer.

One thing to remember, as my hubby was, some spouses/partners are "silently scared" - they won't really say they are afraid off Lyme, but they see what we go through and instantly go into denial that they could get just as ill, simply from being our partner. So be careful how you approach this, as most of us know already, chronic illness is really hard on even the best of relationships.
Posted 11/3/2016 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
One of the issues that I have with my hubby is that he is not convinced that its not the herbs making me sick. So to have him try them and then herx wouldn't necessarily convince him.

He is using Cats Claw and Hawthorne for his blood pressure. Since he has started doing that he complains that he can't think clearly and he gets confused and forgetful. And it is very noticeable. He is also depressed. So of course I am convinced it is Lyme but he just gets frustrated and says it is the stress at work.

I worry so much about alzheimers (his mom has been in the nursing home for 10-12 years with alzheimers), and I am afraid for our future, knowing my mind is not what it should be and seeing his deteriorate.

But as I said in another post you can lead a horse to water but you can't make em drink.
Posted 11/3/2016 6:04 PM (GMT 0)

Traveler said...
Yes, unfortunately there is more than enough evidence that at least Lyme has the potential to be passed between partners. If you can, without using it as a "weapon", suggest that you won't get well if they have it also.

Many Lyme patients trial herbs/meds to see if they have these infections. It's a good way to see if they have Lyme even without testing.

If you suspect your partner has these infections, and you can get them to try out the core protocol, you may very well make a believer out of them, and help them heal.

My hubby was the same way. Complete denial he could ever get Lyme, much less from me. Then he got it on his own, so now he's a believer.

One thing to remember, as my hubby was, some spouses/partners are "silently scared" - they won't really say they are afraid off Lyme, but they see what we go through and instantly go into denial that they could get just as ill, simply from being our partner. So be careful how you approach this, as most of us know already, chronic illness is really hard on even the best of relationships.

You made some real eye opening points Traveler!

I'm scared for my daughter's husband. They've only been married 2 1/2 years. She finally convinced herself, by what I've said and had her read, that she does have Lyme instead of Fibro. He's barely approaching mid 20's and seems to have very low resistance to anything that comes along.

I've tried to warn her that he could get it, though again it's probably too late. I can actually feel the wall shoot up between us at that moment. I'm also worried that she might get pregnant again.. She's never been able to carry a baby to term, and I've suggested to her that there is a very good chance it's because of the Lyme. So if she does manage to, she's heard from me the baby could be born with it too.
Posted 11/4/2016 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
This may be TMI (sorry)

I had a tubal pregnancy and 2 miscarriages before I managed to carry a baby full term, but successfully carried 2 to full term. I did not know I was infected,and wouldn't have had kids had I known what I know now - but I have to say I would have really missed out on the light in my life (my kids). For whatever reason, they were both spared from these infections.

Hopefully your daughter will seek out treatment now, and will heal so she can have children too. When she does, do be sure to have the cord blood of the baby tested. She can be on Amoxicillin (I believe) during much or all of the pregnancy to help protect the baby also. Then of course, she would have to either stay on the abx or choose to not breastfeed,as the bacteria can be passed in that manner as well.

And a word about your daughter's boyfriend - is it possible that he already has these infections?
Posted 11/4/2016 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
The only treatment my daughter is going to be able to get is whatever I give her from what I can afford to buy.They are in very bad financial shape.I think the only reason she was able to hang on as long as she did, when her pain symptoms kicked in full force is she was a vet tech and giving herself doxycycline from the clinic...and that was before I told her she probably had lyme, like me. Lucky guess of abx, but I have no idea how strong, or long or regular she took it. I've not asked.

She lost her house a year ago, defaulting on her mortgage. They are living in the spare bedroom of his Mother's trailer. It's one of those very depressing situations that make me deplore our health structure in this country.

As for him, I don't know what she thought about my gentle warnings. She didn't respond which usually means she's disagreeing with me, doesn't want to consider it, or is mulling it over.

I feel so sorry for everyone. What a mess these diseases are creating for people.

Oh, and thank you for the suggestions if she does get pregnant. She's 35, very underweight and in so much pain. I would love a grandchild, it would be my first and probably only, but it would be so hard on her and if she lost it, I don't think she would recover emotionally.

Post Edited (julymorning) : 11/3/2016 9:16:07 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/4/2016 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
It's really hard to watch somebody that you love get sick like that and even worse when you think you know what it is...
Posted 11/4/2016 6:20 AM (GMT 0)
July my heart aches for you and your family...can she do bvt .?.is there a antibiotic donation site ?
Posted 11/4/2016 12:41 PM (GMT 0)
First things first. Get her healed. Can she do the herbs with you? Will she do the herbs with you? I know it's expensive under circumstances like this, but it's less than what out of pocket for a doctor would be. If you can encourage her to join here, we could help her understand and find treatments as well.

Above all, just keep the gentle encouragement up for her to get into treatments.

Gentle hugs to both of you.
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