Fears about new llmd visit

Well I go to see dr j in the morning.

I have tremendous anxiety about this appt.

Several reasons:
1 driving the long distance will exhaust me and shut my brain down. Leaving me feeling like I wont be able to comprehend things and articulate my thoughts if I can even be clear enough to gather them. Not being able to speak has just added to this anxiety of being misunderstood. You see, some people can be inpatient and instead of giving me time to whisper words and Have to try to repeat sounds that wouldnt come out, they interrupt and speak for me and almost always get what I was trying to say completely wrong.

2 going thru my extensive symptom list yet again. Gives me anxiety because even though I have been seeing a great llmd I still have the stress of going to countless drs who did not believe me

3 foolishly went to an ent last week to get a hearing test and a scope to see why I cant talk. Was told lyme doesnt cause voice loss. Was told lyme only causes joint pain....im like buddy joint pain is the least of my problems. Then he sprayed something up my nose that caused instant jitteryness that lasted all day and has instigated sinus pain that was not one of my problems but is now. Ugh Next he puffed air into my ears that caused vertigo which I still have and never had before and caused ear screetching to intensify to painful levels. So I have moderate hearing loss and cant speak but got no answers just attitude. Told me that my vocal cords are inflamed and bowed. And that I must have anxiety about speaking. Theres the anxiety diagnosis again...insert sarcasm here. Trying to tell him not anxious about talking but I am axious about not being able to communicate with the world fell on deaf ears....his not mine. He also told me I will risk losing my hearing completely if I insist on treating the "lyme" he used air quotes. Would rather beat this lyme and co and be deaf than live in this hell. So now leary of all drs again.

4 cost of this new treatment

5 since ive been off antibiotics for a month I am terrified to herx again terrified to start treatment again. I think I have ptsd from it all.

6 lastly beyond beside myself about iv therapy which is why my llmd sent me there.

So there is my short list of fears about tomorrow. I know I have more fears but my lyme brain has let me forget them for now. One positive right? Haha

I used to be a positive happy optomistic person but lyme seems to have taken that away and left me with doubt and fear and uncertainty and distrust too.

Ok now off to bed since I stayed up way too late worrying.

Keep on swimming right?

Smiles and thank you all for listening to my rant.

Try to remember that Dr. J is on your side (if I'm thinking of the right Dr. J).

If you don't want IV treatments, don't accept them. This is OUR life, not theirs and IV treatments are not nearly as successful as we would like them to be - or I would have submitted to them years ago. The choice is YOURS, NOT the doctors.

Start detoxing heavily BEFORE treatments start - this will lower your toxin loads before you start adding to them again - and be sure to talk to Dr. J about your fears of herxing. Herxing is a hard thing to deal with and any LLMD that doesn't understand this isn't being helpful.

If you read this before you get home - take plenty of snacks with you and water too. If you read this after you get home, be sure to hydrate well and eat a good solid, healthy meal to help your body.

Be safe in your travels and I hope the appt goes well!!!

As Girlie said, please do let us know how it all goes when you are up to it!!

Based on what you are feeling (and the little I know about Dr. J), it sounds like you're going to the right place. The appointment will probably do a lot to ease some of your anxiety and might give you a small sliver of optimism that you'll be in good hands.

Good luck and be safe!

I've been thinking about seeing him so I look forward to any feedback you give!