my girlfriend has lyme

Hey guys,

So my girlfriend has lyme and its really really hard on her and I can't understand what she's going through as much as I try. I try to be there for her as much as I can but I can never be enough really which recently cause us to mutually break up this past weekend.

I guess it was a good thing because she says being so low helped her find herself and realize what she should be doing and whats best for her and her healing which she couldn't figure out when I was there for her to lean on so much, which I'm so happy for her about. She says she feels like she is actually in her body now and feels more herself than she has in years which is amazing. So since this she wants to reconsider getting back together and I love her so so much so its hard because I want to be with her, but I don't want us to just go back to being in a relationship that was creating emotional turmoil for her and unhealthy.

I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with having a new found like sense of self? Or feeling like they are back to themselves like pre lyme self (mentally at least)?

And if you have any advice for me on how I can be there for her better in the future? I always listen and be caring and supportive and talk through any of her medicine and stuff she wants.

Any advice please is so appreciated

Did you know her before she had Lyme? This may sound weird, but maybe you were there for her too much. I know a couple and one is dealing with health issues. Her partner is smothering her. She greatly appreciates the concern and support, but she doesn't want her every movement monitored and assessed. She wants to have as normal a relationship as possible without always feeling like the patient. I assume you've done this, but have you asked your gf what she expects from you as a support system? Also, don't get so lost her illness that you forget to take care of yourself.

As for change in self, I am a very different person than I was pre-illness. I feel it's impossible to not be changed by the experience, and also knowing that it could roar back at any moment, really makes me appreciate even the most mundane good health days. There are days I want to run up and down the street with excitement because the head pressure has subsided. On days when the floaters and visual anomalies give me a break, I walk around outside taking in every leaf, cloud, bug, etc overjoyed I can see. I have a new found deep gratitude for my friends, family and even coworkers, not to mention life in general. Chronic Lyme and cos really made me see what I was taking for granted when I was healthy.

Lyme does bring you low, and it does teach you a lot. I feel stronger and better personally if not yet physically. But my old personality is returning, so overall I feel like a much better version of myself.

I am lucky because I got married first, and my husband has taken those vows very seriously. When I lost my personality and most of my livelihood to Lyme, I wanted him to leave me- I thought he deserved better and not to have to work so hard just to pay for my medical bills and get nothing in return but a sobbing needy mess.

We got through that and I feel like it’s a new marriage.

So if she’s willing to give it a go with you again, that’s great! Just be prepared that Lyme can flare up and she still might change her mind. I personally think it’s the best thing in the world to have someone willing to take care of you and stay by your side no matter what. It’s a great foundation for a relationship. So if she pushes you away, respect that but let her know you’ll be there when she’s worked through it.

Unless you’re not getting too serious about it and both of you aren’t thinking about your future.. I have no advice on those kinds of relationships.

vic666 -

What a wonderful post and how amazing you are to reach out to this community for some Q&A. With that kind of foresight and caring, you will figure this out. I wish more "significant others" utilized this forum as a resource. Being informed and supported is half the battle and loving a Lyme is a battle.

And what awesome posts from some of the members here!

And your girlfriend is lucky beyond words to have you on her team. It's impossible to describe how much this illness can rob of you. My personality changed so drastically I lost nearly all my friends and most of my family doesn't really speak to me. No one knows what loneliness is until they go through something like this alone.

She's clearly made significant progress and yes, this should be celebrated and appreciated. It is pretty difficult to understand when we say our brains and personalities were hijacked - part of this is the shock of becoming ill and dealing with so much. But the other part is a disconnect that occurs with ourselves, our emotions, our memories. It's freaky and scary and very difficult to experience much less describe.

It's really great that she's working through this and asking for a little room - she sounds smart too. Here's a good article on this strange phenomenon - some of it might apply to her. My experience was a little different but I use these articles to try to explain it to others.

What she might be describing is the dissociation and depersonalization that are in the "neurological-psychological" category of symptoms. Many of these are caused by neurotransmitter imbalances but not much is really understood about it.

Infection can change your personality - there's plenty of proof
/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emerging-diseases/200903/infection-can-change-your-personality-theres-plenty-proof

Depersonalization and derealization from lyme disease and its coinfections - A perpetual mental state of apathy
www.tiredoflyme.com/depersonalization-and-derealization-from-lyme-disease-and-its-coinfections.html

As already suggested - give her some space and time, let her move through this process however she needs to. It might also be helpful for you to learn about Lyme as well. Lyme & coinfections can be sexually transmitted so it's important to know the symptoms. But the best support you can give her is to just understand - not just because you care about her but also because you really get it because you've learned it. And you can also be a good ambassador for Lyme truths and help others along the way.

Please let us know how things are going and post any other questions or concerns you might have - we're rooting for you.

-p

Aww Michael - I'm so sorry. You are very sweet.


vic666 hasn't been back to the forum since that day he posted.

I would definitely give her some space/time.

Maybe in a few weeks, send her a nice card - nothing too serious though....and let her know you're there for her if she'd like to talk.

cant untake the red pill in this super pandemic zombification of humanity..... but did you mean it not easy to fight for love or easy to give space???? . wooo her , win her chase adore ,lavish with gift , adorn with songs like rick moranis in parenthood , create poster , play a lute gee something ! or is she not worth it? space is for astronauts and people who want to grow apart ...imo.....also did you have unprotected oral or any other sex ?

Post Edited (bluelyme) : 4/16/2018 6:38:22 PM (GMT-6)

BabsBunny said...
For what it’s worth, I have often (and sometimes still do) ask my husband to send me away for a few weeks or months. I hit a rough spot, and my sickness, weakness, panic attacks and crying fits are bad for me, but I feel so incredibly guilty that I’m dragging him down and causing him worry and grief. I just want to hide away, recover in my own time, and not have him waking up in the middle of the night, stressing over my pain, seeing me crying all the time. Sometimes when he’s home, I wonder where I can go to just sob uncontrollably without worrying him. I also get mood swings and don’t want to be around him when I say something hurtful. I just don’t want him to see me like this.

So that could be her side of it. Patience is the key. Hopefully IVIG will be a turnaround and she can communicate to you better what she’s feeling.

Patience is the key i am most definitely learning the hard way. That and communication which we both did not do very well. First IVIG did not go well and however hopefully will be better next time.

Your lucky to have a husband to stick with you and help you through it.

Sorry for your loss and I appreciate your kind words!