Losing mind/complete personality change- Was I assaulted?? Trigger warning

I’m really hoping I can post this here since there isn’t anywhere else I can post it or anyone I can talk to about it. I honestly could really really use some feedback.


Has anyone else had a complete and total personality change to the point where they felt like they truly lost their mind? I’m not talking about just being more irritable, having mood swings, increased depression, anxiety or even intense Lyme rage (I have all of those too). I’m not sure if this makes sense or not, but I didn’t even know I had literally lost my mind until my personality started coming back while on treatment. I can’t relate to ANY of my actions during that period (at least the things I can remember) and everything during that period feels almost like it happened to someone else.


I think I got assaulted?? But I don’t know if that even makes sense. I’m going to try my best to summarize because this is a really messy story. And welp Lyme brain + details is a mess in itself, so you mix them in with a pretty heavy story and you got yourself a nice big ole’ pan of scrambled eggs.


So I just want to preface my story by saying that I’ve always had a very high sex drive. But I’ve never had issues controlling myself or being unfaithful to other partners or anything like that. The best way to describe it (without giving away to much information) is saying I have similar issues to people who are biopolar and go through periods of hypomania and have an extremely strong sex drive. That being said, I’ve always been able to manage my issues and live a pretty normal life.


So I guess I’ll just be blunt about this next bit. I made a friend online a few years ago. They knew about all of my issues (including the Lyme AND the high drive). They were my only real friend at the time. Or at least I thought. Looking back, everything just sort of makes sense now. They liked talking to me when I was extra delirious and couldn’t even write coherent sentences. I don’t even remember most of what happened, but I do remember that my boundaries were crossed multiple times. I remember they’d always tell me to “not get mad at them the next day”. I remember being so ****ed up I couldn’t think straight. I remember going through my account and seeing these pictures that I didn’t even remember taking. I know this sounds stupid, but after I started recovering I started developing PTSD from what happened. I get flashes of seeing those pictures or random memories and then I just completely shut down.


I had boundaries with this person and trusted them and they just took complete advantage of me. I feel everything from intense loathing at that person to completely disgusting and extremely violated. I’m so pissed at myself but I also am furious because during this whole period (FOR YEARS) my head was so jacked that even on my best days I didn’t have even CLOSE to the type of clarity I have now. I just kept letting these bad things happen to me without even realizing it?? I feel like I just had dementia for years and then I started recovering and now I have all of these random pieces to pick up. Can anyone relate to this??


I really want to try to find a good psychologist, but I don’t know what type I could even go to that wouldn’t look at me like I was just insane.

I'm sorry you've gone through that! I agree that a psychologist shouldn't brush you off -- that's what they're there for. I hope you find one soon to work with you in sorting through all of this and starting to heal.

Hi and welcome to our forum,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and I'm so very sorry that you had to experience that.

You have recived good responses from others and I also believe it would good to seek out an llmd psychologist.

In addition to WalkingbyFaith's suggestion you can also search here :

ilads.org/ilads_media/physician-referral/

/www.lymedisease.org/find-lyme-literate-doctors/


Hopefully others may come along and have more recommendations.

We do encourage all new members to read our"new to Lyme" start here thread at the top of the page.

Lots of information on Lyme, symptoms, detoxing and more.

Take care