Losing hope...

I'm sorry. I know the feeling.

I think I saw that you have had some improvements during that time? Sometimes I get very down and frustrated and give in to fears that the treatment will stop working or cause too much damage. But when I remember how sick I was last year and how much more I can do (and think) now, it brings me back to the reality that I am improving, even though it is slow and not a linear journey. Remember the improvements and take heart!

This was me yesterday. I told a friend that I just didn't want to be alive anymore. Some days the pain and suffering feels suffocating. Like you just can't bear it anymore. But you know what? We do. We survive another day somehow. And that's quite a noble task. I'm glad we have this community, because when I told my friend this yesterday, it totally freaked her out, and things went south fast. People who aren't sick with lyme have no clue. Keep reaching out to people here who absolutely get it. You're not alone. None of us are alone. And that makes fighting one more day even more important. When you don't feel like fighting for yourself anymore, fight for that one person who would give up if you did. Hang in there. Things can get better.

LymeWarrior21 said...
It's been one of those days - where i'm sitting here and looking at my bartonella "cat scratches" ; and the neck pain; and the shoulder pain, and the migraines and the hands pain..
just so tired of it all.
i know recently i wrote a very positive note on how i don't want to give up, but it's so so draining to have a disease that takes soooo long to get to a point where you feel good.
I am just feeling so bummed, and just losing hope.

it's been over 2 years now that i've been treating Lyme; babesia; bartonella; mycoplasma; ebv.
so so tired of it all.

I just want my life to go back to when i would never get sick and was always healthy, and happy, and not depressed or anxious about life.

:*( losing hope.

i'm sorry you're having a rough time. Been there so MANY times. But, hang on .... it does get better.

I am so 'thirsty' for my old life/health........

How are you today?

I have been suffering from lyme now for 18 years, diagnosed 9 years ago. It is a constant battle to stay ahead of symptoms. However, I have found GREAT relief when you address your mind symptoms as much as your body. I take holy basil and rhodiola and notice a significant difference in my mood and being able to deal when I don't take them.

Google them especially holy basil. It is an herb know for calming the brain. I believe it helped me to live in the moment and deal with the symptoms a little easier.

Lymewarrior did you ever tried tindamax? It Kills everything, i heard. Babs, Bart lyme

I have been where you are sooooo many times. While I was in college and still misdiagnosed I was seeing a doctor that was supposed to be the real life version of House. Yet after a few years with him he sat me down and tearfully told me that they had done all they could do, and that they would do their best to ensure that my remaining time would be as comfortable as possible. It was my 21st birthday and he told me that I would be lucky to make it to graduation let alone make it to 30. I had spent time grieving my own death and coming to terms with everything. Yet my mother wouldn't accept it, she begged me to see just one more doctor. Thankfully I listened to her and that doctor turned out to be a LLMD who correctly diagnosed me and was able to get me into remission after nearly 3 years of intense treatment. I was able to graduate, get my masters degree, get married, buy a house. All things I never believe I could do. I'm turning 29 in a few months and I'm already starting to plan the biggest bash for my 30th. Most women don't like turning 30, but for me its a victory I was told I would never achieve.

I've had a small relapse now, and yet I already seeing some small improvements. During my dark days I started journaling. I would fold a piece of paper in half-one the left side I would write what I was thankful for as soon as I woke up and on the right I would write a new list before going to bed. Some days my list was short-I woke up, still breathing, my hands may hurt but I can at least feel them today. It was amazing to see that even on my bad days my list would grow throughout the day. It was also encouraging to go back and look at past lists. Lyme taught me to be thankful for the little things and to really appreciate my friends and family that stood by me.

Sometimes we fight for ourselves and we give up easily because we don't see the need to keep going. Sometimes we fight for others and I think it is easier to fight this way. I fight for my husband and our future together. I fight for my parents. I fight for you and my fellow lymies. I fight to bring hope of better days, for healing, and joy. Sometimes we have to make our own happiness. Watch the sun set, treat yourself to a new book, play with kittens, volunteer to read to kids, buy a stranger coffee, take a long bubble bath --whatever makes you smile. Just remember, even if it is a bad day, it is still one day closer to remission.

Awwww, thank you. That means so much to me! My goal in life is to try to be the person my younger self needed. If I have been able to help anyone on this site just smile then I count myself blessed. May each day be better than the last. <3