Mental Symptoms

I haven't really found anything on this so I'm giving this a shot.

Recently I have been feeling like I changed as a person. I am not the person who I once was. If I look back at old pictures or visit places I feel like I am seeing this as a different person. As if I had lost my life since the emerging symptoms. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy, I lost the connected feelings I had for a place. I am present but at the same time I feel like I am not present mentally. It is as if my usual life stopped and a new depressing life started. I don't know how to describe this it is very weird and I never experienced this before. I don't enjoy the life I used to enjoy. Time is passing and I just don't feel as if I'm alive in the time. I don't feel the days going, the weeks passing as if the world has stopped turning around the sun and I am stuck. I don't want to listen to music anymore especially music that once made me always happy. I am too afraid to listen to things that I enjoy when I was healthy. Since having weird symptoms it feels like this is not me. Only fear is in my mind, only the thoughts of what is going on, how will I continue living like this. I really don't see myself anymore. I am just waiting for the moment of relief so that I can continue the life I once had. I am getting closer but the struggle is real. Does anyone have similar symptoms?

Like Aerose said, what you described is referred to as “depersonalization.” Honestly I never considered that I had this, but some of what you described I can absolutely attest to, especially about time. I feel like I have lost my perception of time. The hours and days just run together and when the day is over I can only vaguely remember what I did, where I went, what I ate.

I’m stuck in survival mode and have been for years. I’m all-consumed by my symptoms and problems. When I have brief periods of feeling better or “relief” like you said, I feel glimpses of normal in my thoughts and feelings. I know recovery is possible, it’s just very elusive to me.

I wish you well.

Hi Kevin, I know exactly how you feel and I am sorry that you are struggling so much. I have been dealing with depersonalization on and off for about 10 years now and it is an awful feeling. I almost feel like I am in a different realm or something. Your sentence about not wanting to listen to the songs that you used to like when you felt normal really got me, it's like we have two different lives the one that feels real and the other that feels like a dream. Like walkingbyfaith said the hardest part is when I get a few good days where I feel totally normal then I get excited and think maybe I am cured but the feeling just comes back, it's so hard to understand, why do we feel better some days more than others? I do believe that a healthy diet has helped and also doing yoga. I have also read that if you can find a connection with one person it can help bring you back to reality, do you have a support system to lean on? If you could find a good therapists it can be helpful especially one who deals with depression caused by chonic pain. I am also going to look into the great suggestions that saraeli listed. I hopethis helps you, just knowing that you are not the only one who feels this way can be comforting. I know it's hard but please try and hang in there.

That sounds like depression to me. I don't have a lot of experience with DP/DR only that it can be very scary and provoke anxiety attacks. It's the stupid bugs stomping on all your neurons and releasing toxins and generally causing havoc. Neuro Lyme can be the worst. I don't know which is worse, mental or physical symptoms. It seems like whichever we seem to tolerate least is what we end up dealing with.

Thank you all for your support. My symptoms started to emerge in August and I got better for most of the physical symptoms but I can assure you that the mental symptoms are by far the worst.

Every day you're struck by fear. Not knowing what's in your body. You are scared what causes you to think like this. You know it is not you who is controlling your mind. Something else is controlling and pushing the buttons in your brain.

What helped me is humour. Humour is the Nr. 1 medicine for Lyme. Watching films made distracted and focus on the good side of life. Playing video games etc. You have to do something that temporarily brings you join until you are healed. It's like a bandage around a would. When you're healed you can take it off. Same thing with the mental symptoms of Lyme. Find temporarily relief until complete healing.

Personally, I HAVE changed. Hence the term "new normal". I accepted the fact, which was a huge help. Im hard headed, and I kept trying to do, but failing, at things I once could do. Once I accepted things, I moved on, and I LOVE life again! This winter was terrible on me, insomnia, joint pain, and some sadness. Yet I was enjoying myself because I moved on. Doing things I could, instead of accepting defeat. Last week I found out why this winter was so tuff. I quit taking vitamin D and my levels dropped to below 30 again. I havent completed a full work week yet this year. But im back to supplementing D(and K2) and the Spring sun is getting stronger. I fully believe these latest symptoms above will subside in no time.

Accepting and moving on was hard. How, I dont know, but one day it popped in my head "someone, somewhere has it worse than you do". And whether it helps anyone else, I do not know. But I take a half hour or so out of my day to look at inspirational quotes on the internet, whether a simple meme, or actual txt quote. Life is too short to be unhappy. I can smile and enjoy life if I let myself.

Good luck!

My LLMDs have been familiar with depersonalization. My understanding is that it's a relatively common symptom for Lyme and co-infections. Outside of the Lyme world, I think people with backgrounds in psychology would be most likely to know about it. Otherwise, unfortunately, it's a term most have not heard.

I have migraines, and while some symptoms might flare alongside migraines, migraines are not a cause of anything. Migraines are a symptom of something else. So it doesn't make sense to me for a doctor to say your migraines cause your depersonalization, especially since both probably are caused by Lyme! Vertigo and depersonalization are different things, just like brain fog and depersonalization are different things. I'm sorry you have not had more knowledgeable and supportive practitioners about these symptoms. How frustrating!

I also have mold toxicity, as do many of us here. (I hope you are seeing that you are far from alone here!) There are lots of threads about mold resources and treatment. The big first steps tend to be removing yourself from the source of exposure, and using binders to help process the mycotoxins out of your body. Some people test themselves (VCS test or urine tests) or their homes (ERMI or HERTSMI) first, but others don't find that necessary. There are some simple blood tests covered by insurance that can help distinguish Lyme symptoms from mold symptoms, since there's a great deal of overlap. https://www.survivingmold.com/diagnosis/lab-tests Keeping your system processing well (liver, kidneys, digestion, sweat) is very important. Binders for mold can depend on the type(s) of mold involved, but generally can include cholestyromine, sunflower lecithin, bentonite clay, activated charcoal, and/or modified citrus pectin. I suggest you pick up the book Toxic by Neil Nathan or head to the site survivingmold.com if you suspect mold issues at all.

Infrared sauna is great, and I'm glad you find it helpful. Good luck!

This link describes the blood tests available from LabCorp (covered by most insurance) that can help distinguish Lyme from mold; though none of them is totally diagnostic, they can be a good clue as to whether to bother investigating the mold angle. https://www.survivingmold.com/diagnosis/lab-tests

An easy test for mycotoxin illness that you can do from your home computer for $15 is the VCS test. It also is not totally diagnostic (i.e. you could score well but still have mold issues) but it can be helpful.

Negative test results are very common with Lyme for a lot of reasons. Like you said, sometimes people don't have the antibodies being tested for because of timing, and sometimes they don't have the antibodies because their immune systems are so dysfunctional from Lyme, and sometimes the antibodies aren't being produced because of treatment, and sometimes the tests are simply insensitive, incorrect, or looking for the wrong species. I have had negative tests for borrelia bergdorferi, including a negative from IGeneX. The only positive for borrelia bergdorferi I had was from the DNA Connexions PCR urine test. However, for borrelia hermsii, I was positive from a standard test. There are at least 30 species of borrelia that can cause very similar illnesses in humans, so you can have one or many species of borrelia without having borrelia bergdorferi (technical Lyme). Plus mycoplasma, ehrlichia, rickettsia, bartonella, babesia.... A good LLMD makes these diagnoses clinically, based on symptoms, not just on test results. My LLMD swears by the DNA Connexions test, saying that it has matched up entirely with the clinical presentations of his patients, but there is some controversy around its reliability. But then I guess that's true for most Lyme tests. https://madisonarealymesupportgroup.com/2018/09/08/whats-the-best-test-for-lyme-dr-rawls/

(I am a big fan of RawlsMD.com)

All of that said, mold toxicity and Lyme (especially the co-infection bartonella, of which there also are several species...) can be indistinguishable. Do you ever get jolts that feel like electric shock, or vibrating sensations in your spine or sacrum? Those things plus psych symptoms can indicate mold. Unless the patient also has Bell's palsy or severe pain in large joints, in which case it still could be Lyme and co-infections. Most people think it's isn't quite that simple to distinguish, and lots of people have all of the above, but sometimes it's nice to know an opinion, one way or the other (this opinion being from Neil Nathan's Toxic).

And finally, search the archives, because there are so many threads about testing, and about not testing....

Teasing all of this stuff out is never easy. Sometimes it takes years and absurd amounts of self-advocacy. But I love that we have a forum on which to ask questions and trade information and experience.

running wild said...
All these answers hit home.

Been depressed for a good while, but now I've gotten nervous about something new - forgetting names I should easily know. It frustrates hell out of me when it happens. Anyone gone through that?

I think a lot of us do. I do, and not just names. I have days where I will be speaking with you and in the middle of a sentence just forget a most common word, or at least a word I should know, and I freeze. My first reaction is to explain to the person I cant figure out why I cant remember the word, that im very frustrated and itll bug me til I remember it. They usually understand and work with me to figure out what I wanted to say.

My mother had a stroke in 2016, looks totally normal, but has short term memory loss and routinely asks the same question multiple times. I can actually relate to my mothers condition when it comes to sporadic memory loss.

This condition, for me, gets worse over time. It is cyclical. As is my mood and ability to handle it. I used to be very quick witted and funny. Funny seems to be gone, I am much more serious now. Quick witted, I do have my days where I can keep up with the best of them. Few and far between though.

PS...

I take Xanax daily. Small dose in the morning, and as needed throughout the day if needed, which is rare these days. Ive read studies on the mind altering over time pitfalls, and I made the decision to take that chance. I live in the here and now, day by day. Thats the only way I know to move forward and enjoy life. First, I need relief today. And that cant happen if I dont treat. If I dont treat and add the worry of what might happen in the future my symptoms exacerbate. Why would I want to do that?

Post Edited (trader758) : 4/9/2019 3:45:21 AM (GMT-6)

My problem is primary Nuero. The psych sand symptoms are the worst. Its worse than the numbness tingling. Head Pressure, fevers, and muscle twitching. Depersonalize is frustrating but it does get better in time. Your brain is going to need it.
The last two in a half years to three have been hell. I have been geting better.

As you all probably know, there are a few psychiatrists who have each focused on neuropsychiatric Lyme for the last 30 years - Dr. F in NY and Dr. B in New Jersey. I find it interesting to look at some of their Youtube presentations and read their current studies which usually mention depersonalization as a common symptom due to heavy stress from Lyme.

Paper example: [url]https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/6/3/104/htm

For my son, recently, we have found regular use of (legal everywhere) hemp-based CBD oil (no THC) has been helpful in calming nervous system stress. While it hasn't obliterated his feelings of depersonalization, it has been helpful on just calming daily living....and his sleeping is much improved.