Posted 9/8/2020 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
Echoing everything Sandyfeet said. (Love your posts, Sandyfeet.)
Blakeleysmom, so glad to hear an update from you. What you and she are experiencing are completely normal responses to trauma. It sounds like you have a great understanding of where she is mentally, and how her age plays into it, and that's excellent. (Again, you're a wonderful parent!) You both have been through, and are still going through, a very difficult time.
For a lot of us, it's not like PTSD - it is PTSD. Trauma is by definition something that is outside the range of what we're supposed to have to deal with, so there's no one normal way to manifest it or process it. There are lots of options for how to manage the aftermath of trauma, and they take time. I know you know this already, but for others who may read this, progress is not linear. She very well might have another relapse, and the trauma she's already experienced all will come rushing back. For me, any bad day sends me in a spiral emotionally, even though on some level I know that it's temporary. She (and perhaps you also) will react to the whole experience and carry the fear of the hospital visits and lowest lows, for a long time to come. That is normal. It is hard, but it's okay. And there definitely are ways to deal with it so that it doesn't perpetuate symptoms, dysregulate the immune and nervous systems, etc. I see a lot of people putting off addressing this angle because they think it will resolve automatically once the illness is better, but that's not how trauma works. (Stigma is garbage.)
Some possibilities to try:
- EMDR - A form of therapy that tends to work fast and doesn't involve as much verbal processing as other types of therapy. It involves following light patterns with the eyes, and it removes trauma from where it's "stuck" in the brain, allowing it to be processed. EMDR has a long track record with trauma.
- Essential oils - Melissa, lavender, and other essential oils act very quickly on the brain, even just used topically or when the fragrance is inhaled. They are a great "rescue" option for panic, sleep, and stressful events like appointments.
- DNRS - Limbic system retraining is great for sending your body the message that it's safe and can start restoring proper functions (heart rate, nerve signals, hormone levels, etc.). I am a huge fan of DNRS, but it's a treatment for a lot of things, not just trauma.
- EFT (tapping) - Fast, easy, effective, super grounding.
- Mental health therapy! - Especially right now when everything is available online. Look into the various types. CBT is common and most likely would be helpful. Personally I like IFS. Ask if the therapist has any experience with adolescents who have trauma related to chronic illness.
- Mind-body therapy - This type of therapy is focused on the physiological effects of our mental state and the mental effects of our physiological state. It's incredibly powerful. For a good introduction, try the Curable app.
- Adaptogenic herbs - The right adaptogen (may have to try a few to find one that feels good) is great for evening out cortisol and emotional responses.
- L-theanine - Great, gentle supplement for anxiety.
- Guided visualizations and breathing exercises
- Movement practices that help to connect with the body - restorative yoga, qi gong, tai chi, etc. It's normal for feelings to come up during these practices.
- Embodiment practice - This type of bodywork can be wonderful for re-connecting with the body as a site of safety, comfort, and even pleasure. It helped me to train myself out of panicking when certain symptoms arose that I found triggering, like nerve pain, cramping, and dizziness.
- Learning about trauma itself - I worked in rape crisis counseling for many years, and everyone's first counseling appointment (for survivors of sexual violence as well as their families and partners) was psychoeducation - information about how trauma happens, what it does to the brain, how it comes up, what's helpful to say and what isn't, what it does to the body, how to recognize it, etc. This appointment often was very helpful in letting people know that they were not broken or ruined; their systems were doing exactly what they were supposed to in order to protect them. Once they understood what was going on, many found that trauma symptoms eased.
Lyme is especially brutal for adolescents. Trauma while the brain is still developing can stunt development until it's addressed, so it's a great idea to be proactive. Humans don't have adult brains until we're roughly 22 or older. An adolescent brain gets stuck in "all or nothing" thinking, which is why a small embarrassing incident really feels like the end of the world. Categories are "black and white." They are individuating from family and developing their own independent identities. They are not fully cognizant of their own mortality or the need for caution. They are exploring attraction and their bodies in new ways. And Lyme just devastates all of this, even for adults with (theoretically) more emotional resources! And trauma itself can cause and perpetuate a host of symptoms.
I hope that you and Blakeley both find some support for yourselves about this. It's a completely valid and important concern, every bit as important as the ones people discuss more freely. Sending you both hugs and groovy vibes! You will get through all of this!