Feeling Like I Can't Access Sense of Humor/Personality

Hey, everyone! I've been on and off treatment for Lyme for the past decade. My biggest symptoms are psychiatric. I have dealt with extreme anxiety/depression/OCD/brain fog, etc. I started seeing a new doctor about two years ago and things have definitely started to improve, however, I'm having a really hard time connecting to who I feel like I am or who I used to be.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but I feel like I've lost my ability to be quick witted and funny as well as creative. Those were two big personality traits I had but it's like my brain just can't access that anymore.

Has anyone felt this way? Have you gotten better? Any advice?

Thanks!

Thank you for response! As much as I don't like hearing someone going through what I'm going through, it's nice to know you're not the only one feeling the same way, if that makes sense!

And I'll have to look into Neurofeedback! Lately I started a new regiment of antibiotics and it seems to be clearing up some of the fog, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I lost the ability to multi-task and speak intelligently in front of people. I used to speak a lot at church and preached on occasion. I haven’t even been able to attend church in 5 years due to mold and chemical sensitivities except for a few times when I tried.

Even before I got horribly sick and learned what was wrong with me, I was already declining mentally and noticed changes in myself.

If I even had the opportunity to preach or speak in front of a group of people now, I have no idea if I could be coherent. I can get mentally lost while talking and forget what my point was. I used to forget words and stumble or stutter at times. That rarely happens now, unless I am really upset or really toxic.

Thank you everyone for your replies! It's nice to know that it's not in my head and that there is hope of getting better!

I totally understand.

My mind isn’t sharp anymore - plus add some memory issues.
After 5+ years of treating - I went back to my job and it was difficult - I ended up leaving it- partly because of my memory issues and partly due to a hostile manager.

It has gotten somewhat better in the past year, but I’m still not “there” yet… I’ve settled with the fact that this may be as good as it gets.
And the job I now have - I’m able to hide my deficits most of the time.
But even this job was difficult in the beginning.

I’d say my personality has changed too. I used to joke around more - but now I’m more serious.

I’m keeping hope that my brain will continue to heal…

i have experienced a lot of this myself

my pre-Lyme self was dynamic, high energy, humorous, articulate

at my worst with Lyme i could hardly make conversation, developed a stutter, did not know what to say in conversation, and forgot what i was going to say frequently.

this is not a surprise when we consider that these functions of
humour, social interaction, speaking to a room, expressing our personalities etc are all high level cognitive functions. so they are the most impacted when our brains are hampered by illness and inflammation - as in an infection which causes inflammation etc directly in the brain and systemic imbalances which further impact brain function - eg poor digestion, poor sleep, hormone imbalances etc etc. ( the list is slightly different for each person )

its is also entirely understandable that someone who is going through a life challenge that effects their brains ability to function at a high level - will be focussed on just the basics - and just getting through it - and as a result will have less mental capacity for sparking conversation, humour etc and will of course therefore be doing mainly the basics and appear somewhat serious or perhaps to others "dull"

however, the good news is that as we start to recover so does our cognitive function - I am approx. 50% recovered now and friends comment on how i am noticeably better at being able to hold a conversation, laugh and joke more, and seem more lucid. i can also feel this in myself.

i am not sure there is a great deal you can do about this effect of reduced brain function at the time - other than treat the disease itself, as that is the root cause.

I would say however that we need to do what we can to maintain our mental health during this illness - which includes maintaining social contact, looking for the positive and humorous things in life, and doing what we can to cope with the challenge in a positive way. Rather than hiding away due to fears or embarrassment, for instance. its not our fault we are ill. we are not lesser people because of the challenges we face at this point in time.