Chronic Pain and Relationships

Wow- my first post on Healing Well!

I suffer from chronic daily headaches, and I'm having a hard time explaining them to my spouse-- who just sees me lying down a lot, low energy, etc. I'm on Amitriptyling which makes me really groggy, super hungry, and lethargic-- but with some pain relief. He knows about my medication- but just assumes that I'm 100% better, despite my telling him my daily struggles.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has found any resources for friends/family that may give them a better idea of how headaches can affect daily life??

THANK YOU!!!

Hi Ann!

Thank you for the welcome!

I have been to see several neurologists, and have been diagnoses with chronic daily headaches. I have been on amitryptaline for almost a year now, which has worked for the most part-- but only about 80% of the time. I've also been subject to its side effects, which has been rather unpleasant.

To offset headaches, I basically just try to watch what I eat, track my triggers, and get enough sleep. One of my biggest problems is pressure changes in the weather, which I haven't been able to get around- yet.

My partner is very supportive, although he has never had a headache in his life, so he finds it hard to understand why I need to do certain things: like sleep on the weekends, go to bed early, not eat chocolate, etc. I also get pretty sluggish with the Ami...

Thanks once again for the words of support, and I look forward to exploring the site!

Good to see you back again Sara!!

I am sorry you have been suffering. I can totally relate, I have had migraines for about 20 years continually. Years ago, I frequently rushed to the ER out of desperation from the pain. I have tried many of the medications, including injecting Imitrex. I have gone to pain clinics and had injections up and down my spine, neck and head.. I always have Ice Packs at all times in my freezer. Rarely do I not need an icepak a couple times a week to sleep with to help alleviate the headaches. I get ice paks ( meant for backs) so I can wrap them around my head and neck.

 

I have been taking Fiorinal (prn). and when I had an increase in headaches again about 1 year ago, an orthopedic doctor put me on Topomax, it has kept my migraines under control for the past year and has reduced them from maybe one migraine within a two week period- instead of daily to every other day. You might want to talk to your doctor about trying it. I have not found ANYTHING that works like it. I still take Fiorinal just to take the edge of if I have a flare up and that is it.

 

For myself, It has been a frustration when it comes to relationships, because its like a toothache, its just not visible to other people and they find it so hard to understand.. especially if the headaches are chronic. You get tired of saying " I have a migraine", at least that has been my experience. People can be supportive and understanding to a point and then I think they fall into.. if they haven't experienced it, its just beyond their comprehension.  It effects you socially, when you want to make plans and can not always pull through and with a spouse thats even more difficult. I can extend my compassion and experience, but my hope is that you will get rid of the migraines and find the support you need to help your spouse understand.  =)

 

Hi everyone,

Relationships are really hard to maintain when you suffer from chronic pain. My husband and I have nearly lost our marriage a couple of times. He didn't understand why I couldn't just toughen up and deal with my headaches and then the depression that came with it.

Finally a trip to the psychologist with me helped. He doesn't believe in that either, but she was able to explain things to her that I couldn't. I'm not really sure where the change happened, but we stopped fighting each other and started fighting my headaches together. He goes to many of my doctors' appointments with me and helps me try and figure out what's triggering the latest migraine. For example, as I decreased Topamax last week and was plagued by a week long migraine we realized that possibly the Topamax was working. His attendance at doctors' appointments helps especially if I'm not able to remember or process things because of the pain.

I think it took me telling him over and over how much pain I was in for him to understand. He doesn't suffer from headaches. I think he has had 3 in his lifetime. He listens now and does try to understand. I try to explain as much as I can so he can understand and explain how his pressure on me only makes things worse.

I hope this helps, I know that it takes all types and having a supportive spouse makes it a lot easier. I don't know how I would have made it through the last couple of years without my husband.

Good luck getting your spouse's support.

PS Hi Sara.

That's hard. I can definitely relate, especially at this time of year (winter) when the weather isn't the best.

Recognizing the fact that you're feeling this way and acting on it, is more than half the fight. When you think of something negative, try and think of how the same situation can be seen in a positive light (or better yet, say something positive). I know it seems silly, but with lots of practice it actually works. I'm a huge believer in neuroplasticity.

I find kicking up my exercise regimen helps. It's a two pronged sword. Exercise is the bodies natural antidepressant and anti migraine med (yay endorphins!).

Have you had your vitamin d levels checked recently? Many of us are deficient.

If you don't want to go the medication route (ssri's can be quite helpful to lift the mood, even in the face of migraine), you can also take a multi B vitamin, Fish oil (I believe the current literature suggests that the EPA:DHA ration should be about 1:1) and a few other things. Just be sure whatever you do take doesn't interact with any medications you're on (e.g. it's not advisable to take an ssri and st. johns wort at the same time).

I would suggest checking into mindfulness meditation. When I get negative thoughts like those that you are experiencing or anxious, I gently "tell" the thoughts to shut up. I then practice pseudo-mediation wherever I am at the moment, i.e. push the negative thoughts away and concentrate on my breathing (the different quality/characteristics of my breadth). This takes practice and good instruction but can be incredibly effective.

Best of Luck!