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Posted 2/8/2008 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
thank Rhonda,

hurricane---i cant even imagine, let alone grief that has to go on hold or seemingly so, for all the rest going on around you.

Ms. Uppity Cats I think I enjoyed this post of yours the most . Although im sure id love to of heard how you mastered it and found ways to take charge, you were very honest and that is what makes it so real to me.

I think your right. The not knowing , about the sleep thing. Aso I just kind of spent 3 yrs busy dodging attatcks (they hit anyway lol) and attempting to find answers that didnt exist. It was however , a good distraction.

I like the monologue you had going through your head. Well i dont like IT, i like that you can now share what that was like. To be at work, to break the news to others and not really know what news your dealing with yourself.

It's such a sad disease on  alot of ways. All are of course. But it seems to do the very thing you mentioned, it takes "our control" out of it.

So many times I get odd looks when i wont "promise" to be there, or " swear" ill show. I simply cant plan like I used to.

Sure id love to say yes but that Im afraid would only turn out to make me look as if im a liar. Even the things I wish to do, dont get done alot.

Exercise, I hear alot about this but some days i spend the first half just getting things "calmed" by then i really dont want to stir up the soup. Winter is hard , i do have a tredmill but its not like even if i were buff ms would cause less probs. Maybe even more. More muscles to deal with yanno. Ok i'll shut my pessimist mouth for now.

It's amazing what all you've came through and I also offered my sig other an OUT, he chose to stay but Im not at all certain he knows just what he's chosen...

thanks

kiera

Posted 2/8/2008 3:21 PM (GMT 0)

Kiera, one thing you said here I'd like to comment on..

"...I offered my sig other an OUT, he chose to stay but I'm not at all certain he knows just what he's chosen..."

It took me a LONG time to figure this out...but isn't that really true of life?  No one really is certain we "know just what we've chosen".  There's this "ideal" out there...for example, we fall in love with the perfect mate, we get married (or otherwise connected), we live happily ever after...

And then he farts, burps, leaves his dirty socks on the floor, spills coffee on the new sofa. Or I get fat, prove to be lazy, can't cook worth a darn, hate to do laundry.

Or "life happens"..hurricanes destroy our homes, illness strike, injury happens. And what we thought life was going to be like turns out to be a very different thing.

One of the Beatles said it.."life happens when we're making other plans..."  I heard someone else describe it as, "we plan our lives, God laughs at us..."

Some folks hold the ideal so tight that, when "life happens" they walk.  Others accept that "life happens" and do their best to work with it.

As I've mentioned here before, my husband and I are entering our 40th year of marriage this year.  When we decided to get married I was only 21, he just 26..but we were clear with each other that not only were we committed to each other, but also to the marriage. And it's that committment to the latter -- to marriage -- which has kept us together when we've gone through really ugly "life happenings", and through periods of time when we really didn't like each other very much. Many other folks around me have divorced over things that happened to them...those things happened to us, we reeled from the blow, picked ourselves up, and started again.

(I DO think there are some non-negotiable things in a relationship...abuse, whether physical or emotional; infidelity (unless BOTH partners are up front and clear about that from the start!).)

I'm glad your sig other is staying around.  I'm really glad my husband did.  Personal committment is really important to me, and to him.

Anyway, I really gotta get some other things done AWAY from the computer today! Take care! :)

Posted 2/8/2008 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
thank you!

I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that someone else has glimpsed at this with more depth than I had. It was a buden to wonder if he'd change his mind with what he'd see in the future.

But as you've pointed out, life deals blows. Wow, we've had our share ! Even through many that Id only read about until it showed at my door , and yes we reeled from the blow but we also regrouped and leaned on one another.

There were also times that we didn't like one another. Phases/Stages in marriage that happen. Sometimes i think those very things are what tests and proves the commitment of both parties.

I'm going to accept his answer for what it is. YES. I am thankful that this was his answer, I'll be honest in the fact that he's one of the ones who see's me as invincible and that does make it a bit harder. He's learning I'm not though and lately has been more than helpful than he was at the beginning. I think he needed to find for himself what he could do to contribute. That turned out to be to try and schedule my appts on fridays so that he could take me himself. He may remain in the waiting room, but the point is he cared enough to offer that.

Thanks. I have more than I thought I had and you have a way of shining a light on things i tend to overlook.

I hope your day goes great and I'm also glad that they both stayed around!!!!



thanks

kiera
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