"Good Friends" who dont want to hear about your MS...

So anyone have this experience? I have two REALLY good friends, who are the only friends in real life I have shared any of this stuff with.... Any of the possible MS and all that stuff. Anyways, one of my friends is pregnant. She has laid so much on me in the past, from her husband physically and mentally abusing her to her wanting a divorce etc.... She has told me all of it and i have been there for her... NOW when I am worried about this and have talked to her, its like she is really uncomfortable hearing about it and doesnt want to know. Thats cool. I wont tell her anything anymore. Maybe cause she is pregnant she just wants to hear "happy stuff." But it does hurt, you know? When you have heard everything, even things you didnt want to hear, and when you need a friend they arent there and dont want to know. I guess I will excuse her on it cause of her pregnancy and just stop talking about it. Anyone have this experience??

My best friend of 15 years hasn't called since I was diagnosed. In her defense though, we were down to a single phone call about every six months because I moved and she got married ect. What really stuck with me is when I called her about 6-9 months after the initial diagnosis I heard a baby in the background on the phone and it was hers! She was not suppose to be able to get pregnant or be able to carry a baby with her medical
condition(s). It hurt really bad that she didn't tell me till I asked! She has been to see me but once (I have gone to see her several times since I moved). After that phone call, I lost her number and have waited for her to call or come by...

Moving closer to home, my FAMILY doesn't want to hear it or deal with it either, for the most part. Denial helps them cope, I think. Until recently, they seemed very happy and comfortable with not talking about it or dealing with it. And now I am starting to realize that is ok. My mom has taken my most current significant relapse to heart. She has been recently told that she is going blind and there is not much that can be done about it. Then I relapse. She was here for me 100%, but I hate to see her cry and drink to cope when I call her on the phone later. With this last relapse, because it was so significant and not new news that I have MS, I got to see that they do love and care and realize that I DO have MS, but I also got to see all the stress it can cause.

It took my family two years to come around, and it hurt A LOT! I am sure that things will slip back to the way it was very soon, denial seems to be a happy place for *them*. And that is ok because I know now that they are here when I need them the most.

Maybe your friend just needs some more time to process what is going on with you. She is also pregnant, so her hormones are out of whack to begin with along with a major life change for her as well. Trust me, I know we need those that are closest to us in times like these, maybe she just needs more time to deal with it on her own before she can be there for you fully. Maybe not, I don't know.

Awww ConfusedGal

I'm sorry. Yes, i've had friends like that. It could be that she's preg and so consumed with it that she can't focus on anything else. It could be that she simply has seen u as her rock all this time and can't see u any other way. Yes, there could be many reasons for her not being there for u. I've had friends in my past who've turned out to be not such good friends and unfortunately u only find that out when u'r in need of their friendship most. U can't decide that friends aren't worth the trouble tho or that no one is worth the trust u must place in them to become close to them. It's just a matter of taking a chance on each person. This illness is hard to explain to even ourselves. It's hard to see by even the closest of family/friends and when u 'look so good' it's hard for others to believe we aren't well and to feel we deserve the sympathy that listening sometimes evokes. Don't give up on u'r friend. She may have a lot of things going on that she hasn't confided in u yet. She may not know how to deal with and accept what u'r telling her. Illnesses are scary..to us and those who love us. Confide in those u feel u can...don't keep it all to u'rself. She may not be the one u can talk to for now tho. Yes, it hurts so much to see that those u thought u could count on aren't there for u, but there may be many things going on with her that u don't know right now and she may be keeping them from u for u'r welfare as well. I hope u'll be able to talk to others and have that close friendship u need now, even if it's not her at this time. There are times when friends have to go different ways. They'll usually meet back someplace later in time, but there are times when we all just have different life experiences that command different paths and that doesn't mean the friendship is less important or valuable...just maybe on hold for now.

rhonda

Unfortunately we've had that experience as well.  I don't really think its that they don't want to hear about it, it's more that they don't have anything to relate it to and don't really understand.  When my  mother was still with us, her and my husband would talk for hours.  She was very ill herself and they had this connection and could talk in great detail.  Most of the friends and family that call though, if they call, the conversation ends with "how are you doing?"  Even though there is no detailed conversation, most of them offer to help if needed and sometimes we do take them up on it  

 

That's why this forum is so great, as there is a familiarity of what everyone is going through and it makes it that much easier to talk in great detail. 

 

 

Hello: I too have lost a really good friend since being dx but I am lucky that my co-workers, which I struggled about telling and family are my greatest support support. It is true what they say, when something bad happens that is when you find out who your true friends are. I am truly sorry you lost your friend. We are here for you.

 CONFUSED - That's a hard one. I have had a good friend consider me still 'active' and cannot accept the delibating nature of MS. If I was capable in the summer, so I should be now: that's her view. I am tired of having to defend my condition. It's here, it's now, it's getting worse. Rebif has a reason to become part of my life along with many symptons. I am what I am; if it's not acceptable, my energy shall be redirected elsewhere.