I'm back, and MS still SUCKS..

Oh yea, I am still here and still have MS... Like a few people, in posts that I have been reading, it has been awhile since I have posted. I just dont want to think about this ugly beast that is in my head (no pun), and I have a few VERY GOOD months. No injections, no medications, and I have been doing better then I have since I was diagnosed in 2003.

However, this ugly beast is not gonna sleep for too long for me. I have had NO NEW symptoms in almost 8 months, and have become well adjusted to the balance and knowing what to expect when I wake up in the am. I have been able to go to work without issue or problems for the last 8 months, I have gone through many of lifes ups and downs without having to worry about MS in addition to. I got a promotion at work that I never expected, planned for, or even thought I was capable of because of how MS has effected my work life. Life was good...

Now, I wake up and have to wonder if today is gonna be a good day, or bad day. Will I be able to pee, poop, see with both eyes, walk without limp or PAIN, will I be able to think and reason at my full capacity? I have been told that a new MS syptom is one that lasts for 24 hours or more. For me, I can have many symptoms in one day that come and go, or stay. ALL symptoms come back at random times and progressively get worse over a period of weeks. From past experience, when a relapse has run it course, I feel like I have adjusted to a new baseline, and generally have less fatigue and pain overall.

My right side is always weaker then my left, and I have no fine motor skills in my hands. I have fatigue. Period. It's just worse when I am in periods of relapse.

Having said this, I think I am heading for a relapse at this moment, but I am hoping it is just and exacerbation related to the heat. My neuro is on vacation, and my PMD is not active with my MS at all. I am going to call him again on Monday and tell him I NEED the IV steroids (I refuse the oral kind because of the terrible side effects = not worth it), and Norco for pain. This is the first time I am feeling the need for narcotics for the pain... =( Weither I am headed to a relapse or not, IV steroids was suggested to be used more aggressively anyways. I also will have close to 3 weeks off work starting Monday, and would not have to miss any work. I have used all my Medical leave for the year and will have no insurance if I call in three days in a row. I know I can't plan things when it comes to MS, but to do everything I can to prevent, or lessen, the effects of MS in my life, I will do!

Now I need reassurance, my mommy... my biggest support... is in Europe and at sea. No phone calls in or out and I dont want to send her an email either.

What do you all think of my plan??? I hate this stupid disease, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it...

TY gretchen! WoW I dint realize how depressed I am! I am going through a divorce atm as well... Got a restraining order on my hubby for domestic abuse, but now that my mom is away I find I am returning to him. Which is bad and I know it! ButI feel helpless, hopeless, and not in control of my own actions at times. To avoid dealing with feeling lonely and isolated I play online video games for hours on end. Reguardless of what I wrote in another recent post I really dont drink. I havent drank in over a month or gotten drunk in over a year.

The cybalta helps with the pain. I think it helps with the depression as well. I cant take rebif anymroe because it raised my liver enzymes too high, and I have reacted poorly to betaseron and copaxone as well.

My mom is my primary support, although others offer to help, I decline. My mom comes over and will live with me for a period of days at a time, and not ask if I need help, she is jtu there for me. I am 'known' as the attention getter in my family, and I try to avoid that at all costs. But I still think I seek the attention of those closest too me. I love it when they are here, and I can just sit around and chat, go to the movies or whatever. When it comes to friends I find it to be difficult to return favors because I am always so tired and worn out, so I wont ask.

Yes I do have a strong, yet weak support system. I hate that I am seeking the support of my husband who I am currently in a divorce with. I did drop the restraining order as well. In the time that we were married, I spent A LOT of money on him and now I am having trouble making ends meet. I wish I could jsut sell my house and move to something smaller and easier to take care of, but I cant because of the divorce ( I am in Cali).

Well thanks for letting me vent here, I spend a lot of time avoiding the world around me by playing video games to the point I know I have a problem and I dont care. Well, untill my doggies or kitties start to beg for attention while I am playing.... I am busy dont they understand =/

Sandy C.