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i'm getting anxious, or maybe nervous, or i dont know...

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Ostomies
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Posted 8/30/2008 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
I am kind of wanting to tell my friends about my ileo, just so they don't randomly find out.  I would hate to have to explain it to them when i was drunk or something, lol.  But i do not have the slightest idea how to start that convo, or what i would say, and i am really worried about telling them.  I really dont' think they would care, and i doubt they would even think twice about it, however it hink that if they randomly found out, like saw it or saw my supplies or something, they would have a harder time with understanding.  Anyway, i am nervous to tell them, but nervous to not tell them!

it's driving me nuts!  what am i to do???

Posted 8/31/2008 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
i dont see why you should have to tell them, but if u feel u want to, i guess u should just do it, i havent told mine yet, and i dont think i will. i only worry when it comes to guys, i get wary about them touching my stomach and hugging me. i guess we could go with that cliche' that if they act funny then theyr not really ur friends, but we all know that all of these cliche's are easier said than done

let me know what u do im totally interested
Posted 8/31/2008 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
well we are a huggy bunch, i am a pretty huggy person on my own, but we are all like that, and we have been going to clubs and stuff where we dont' have enough seats and it ends up with me on someones lap, i am the smallest of the bunch, and i worry that someone will feel it or somethign, plus since i started drinkign now, i will be spending the night at whoever's house and we all know how it looks in the morning when you wake up!

i am being stupid, i gotta have something to worry about, lol

Posted 8/31/2008 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
I've missed the last week from work because of the lovely holes eating through my skin. So when i talk to some of the other manages at work i explain to them i have some skin ulcers, but don't really go into much details. There are a couple of guys there that i KNOW know about my bag. But some i'm not sure of. I think when i get i'm just going to lay it all out there for everyone, so there isn't any wondering why they don't see me for weeks at a time every once in a while. When i told everyone i worked with i had Crohns it was a big stress relief. Not that they could tell something was wrong when i was in the bathroom every 20 minutes. But it was nice to get it out there.
I'll probably do teh same when i get back to work.
Posted 8/31/2008 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
so far all i say is that i had surgery and had some of my intestines taken out and some repaired, which isn't a lie, just isnt all the truth.
Posted 8/31/2008 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
I've told many many people over the years, friends and work colleagues and I have to say I've only ever had one negative reaction. Most say 'wow! I would never have known'. If they are truly your friends, they'll probably ask a few questions but will accept it as being part of you.

Good luck.
Posted 8/31/2008 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
thanks everyone!
Posted 8/31/2008 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
I've NEVER told anyone at work! It's nobody's business....period! If you feel complelled to do so, then it's your choice. But, in the business world, I never wanted to give anyone a reason to think that I was "damaged goods". Even the friends I've made since my surgery don't know. I didn't want to be defined by my ostomy. There's a lot more to me than that.
Posted 9/1/2008 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
I feel the same way as Vette Guy, both for work reasons and personal reasons.  No one needs to know!  I think since this is the second time you have brought this question up you probably are conflicted still about telling people.  In all honesty, what good do you think will come of it?  You also don't have to sit on anyone's lap ever, even if you are the smallest in the group. 

As I mentioned in my last post regarding this subject, I have shared many a room with traveling companions and no one has ever questioned my time spent in the bathroom and since I have a jpouch it's probably more frequent, especially at night, than an ostomy.  No one notices nor do they care.

Sue

Posted 9/1/2008 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
i forgot i had made that other post about it!  i don't pay much attention, lol.  sorry about that!
Posted 9/1/2008 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
i've told a bunch of people, but mostly i keep the details to a minimum. most of my friends know that i've been sick for a long time so they always ask how i'm doing. and since i was feeling worse before my surgery i stayed home a lot and didnt see anyone for a matter of months. now that i'm back out there everyone wants to know if i'm feeling better, so i tell them that i had surgery (depending on how close a friend it is, of course). my close friends know i have a bag, i often ask their opinion on how noticable the bag is with what i'm wearing. everyone else pretty much just knows i've had surgery and if they ask i tell them it was to remove my colon.
Posted 9/2/2008 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
since ive had the surgery ive been completely open about it to my friends, just like i eventually became comfortable with telling people about my UC if i needed too. My friends love me just the same. Bag, gas and all! they're just glad i'm not sick anymore . They even threw me a "colon-free's the way to be" party before i had surgery, haha. people dont need to know, but i personally have found that it helps to at least have a few close friends who know and can laugh when "stan" (my affectionately named stoma) makes noise in public. And dont worry about hugging people, im a hugger as well and no one has noticed or acted weird after ive hugged them! if someone asks, ask if they really want to know and if they say yes, explain. Remember... if someone has a problem with it, it's their problem not yours. The bag is helping you to live a healthy life, and you should never make apologies for that! I hope you have good friends like i do, and that they'll understand and laugh with you when your stoma farts in public! :)
Posted 9/2/2008 3:48 PM (GMT 0)

summerstorm

i dont have a bag, but if it was me and someone randomly asked or 'discovered' i had a bag and they didnt know about it, but knew of my past illness etc i would be just very matter-of-fact about it and like 'oh yeah...' and say whatever, like its no big deal...

personally if i ever had to go down that route, then everyone i know would know about the bag, as i cant seem to keep anything to myself anyway! turn

but if i am right you are quite young? so it may well be diff for your age group - but like everyone has said - if they are your friends its no big deal.

Posted 9/2/2008 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
My best friends all knew I was sick and so did most of the people I hang out with at school (that's what happens when you miss so much in sophomore and junior year). My best friends all knew I had surgery and have a temporary ileostomy. None cared that I have it. They're just all happy I'm not sick anymore. I'm sure I'll tell some of the people I hang out with at school that I had surgery and I'm not going to miss 9 weeks of school again. I probably won't go into detail about having an ileostomy unless they ask what kind of surgery. I'll probably say something like they took out my colon and I have a temporary ileostomy and I'll leave it at that. If they ask what an ostomy is I'll try to explain it as simply as I can.

Are you closer with one of your friends then some of the others? Can you maybe tell them privately and she can give you an idea of how to tell the rest of the group?
Posted 9/3/2008 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
2much2bear-i am 31 i dont' know if that is what you would consider as young, i think it's old! lol

I think i am going to tell one of the people, the female in the group and see how she thinkst the boys will react. Although if i do tell her and she starts drinking they will know anyway, lol. Maybe that's the best way to go actually, lol.
Posted 9/3/2008 10:28 AM (GMT 0)
summerstorm - no thats not old in my view - i am 46 - feel like 96.
You sound like a young and free spirited person! - your friends will be fine i am sure.
karen x
Posted 9/3/2008 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
young and freespirted, that's a nice way to put it, my husband says i am trying to act like i am in highschool! i cant' get him to understand that before i got sick i was always going things iwth friends and my family. He didnt' know me before i got sick, so he didnt know that about me, he thought i just liked staying at home all the time. now i want to take my son and do stuff and do things with my friends and he thinks that is is weird.
Posted 9/3/2008 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
no way!!! you have to live your life!!! i think i might go off the rails when i am better (i hope) as there is soo much i want to do that i cant because i am in pain and stuff. i want to get singing more and do open mike stuff.

i dont care about age - when i can i go bandeoke (karaoke but with a band) and karaoke. i probably only get out about once a month though, but it is good to let my hair down and let rip when i have an day that the bowels work. if i didnt have music then i would be miserable. My motto is 'when you die you're gonna regret the things you dont do'.. xx
Posted 9/7/2008 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
our group is two guys, me and another girl, one of the girls is married to one of the guys, and then me and the other guy, he is single, i am married, just to clear the thing up. Then we have another girl who hangs out with us some, she is dating someone seriously. anyway, last night i told the two girls that i have seizures (which i am really really embarassed about that) i was rather drunk when i told them, but i wanted them to know, just in case the alchol had an effect on the meds, i didnt' want them calling 911 or anything, they are under control with the meds, and if 911 is called then i have to go through the whole dr thing and all that crap again. And the tests and all, when if it did happen i would know it was because of hte aclchol. Anyway, they didnt' care, one of them hugged me and said, oh i am sorry, but they didn't act weird about it. that really embarasses me, makes me feel deformed or something. i think i am more embarassed abotu that than the bag.
so that went well, maybe the other will also, if i do tell, i have noticed recently that they are all very open about telling when they go to the bathroom to poop, which i really do not want to know, lol.
Posted 9/8/2008 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe I'm off the mark here. But, I wonder if you feel so compelled to tell someone about your ostomy because subconsciously you're looking for acceptance by them of your ostomy.

I will tell you this...people tend to react strangely to things they don't understand. Ostomies are no different, and it might be a reaction you weren't expecting. Not everyone is as mature as you'd like them to be!!!

Posted 9/8/2008 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
well they were very good about the other thing, but it's not because i am looking for acceptance, i mean i want them to be cool with it if they find out, but it's because i am afraid they will find out on their own.  And i think it would be worse on them to be suprised by it, than to have me explain it to them.
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