MY BOYFRIEND HAS A COLOSTOMY BAG....

I"ve known my boyfriend my entire life... We've dated two other times prior to this, but this time we've decided to go all the way....  I've always heard rumors that he had a colostomy, but I ignored them because I didn't think it was true!!!!  So lately we've been really, really spending alot of time together and getting to know one another..  One night while we were sleeping I realized that he still had the colostomy bag which didn't bother me I still felt the same way about him....  So during one of our sexual experiences there was blood at first I thought it was me, but after careful examination I knew that it wasn't me.  I didn't say anything to him, but it kept happening.....  So last night I asked him about it and his answer was "Maybe it came from my stomach" what the hell does that mean???  I didn't have the nerve to ask, but has anyone had blood during intercourse?????  Or know what could be causing it???

Thanks for the reply, but like I said we don't really talk about the bag, but I'm not sure if he takes it off during sex....  I mean I know he does alot of "stuff" he always go the bathroom before sex.... And I'm not sure what happens during that time...  Anyway one time we were having sex like (on the spot) there was alot of tissue & blood....  I was wondering where it came from then I was wondering if he was bleeding from his penis or if the blood as actually coming from the stuma.  I really love him, but I don't want to get some type of infection from mysterious blood.   We are trying to have a baby so should I tell my OBGYN about the bleeding or what????? I'm really confused about this whole situation.....

I'm confused as well. Especially about the blood. Perhaps he irrigates (a daily enema of sorts) the colostomy everyday? If so this might be why he wasn't wearing an ostomy bag. But even if he took off the bag, there shouldn't have been blood, should there have been? I only had my ostomy for 2 months but I never saw blood. Occasionally I had output during the changing stage (before getting into the shower) but it was always just stool. Never blood.

I would gently suggest a quiet, heart to heart talk. Find a quiet moment when you won't be distracted and ask him to explain how he takes care of his colostomy.

Mary/Marsky

I don't think she means they've been on two dates--I think she means they have dated during two other intervals of time.

I second the advice to sit down and have an honest conversation with him about it. If you're going to have a baby together, you're going to have to talk about things that are far touchier (and invariably the kid will supply you with bodily function experiences the likes of which you can only imagine!). You need the straight story.

Hi, I used to have a colostomy bag, so I know about them from experience. I am very confused as to how you could possibly not know for sure if he had one, especially if you sleep in the same bed. When it farts it makes noises like actual farting. So that is one thing... unless you just thought he was really comfortable with you and just was farting. It also has a really really strong odor when releasing the contents so I am amazed you couldnever smell it when he emptied it before sex.

Basically I think that your best bet is to sit him down and have a conversation about it. I must be honest and say that it frightens me a little bit that you and he are considering having a baby together without having spoken of such things. These are very important things in life, and if you are as close as you must be after knowing eachother forever and being together for a long time off and on I surely hope that you can both have a mture conversation and that he can fill you in on every detail without feeling embarrassed. If not, then (and I hope you dont feel I am being mean) I would reconsider the taking things to the next level. You seem to love him very much and dont seem to mind about the colostomy so just tell him that and encourage him to not only be open with you but allow you to help him with the care of it. That is one of the best ways to learn. First hand. My suggestion, before jumping in to help out with a cleaning invest in a good pair of nose plugs and get some good medical strenght spray. Its no joke that it has a foul odor, but it is also not the end of the world.

There really should be no reason for blood and tissue from his colostomy regardless of whether he's wearing a bag or a stoma cap (if it's a stoma plug nothing can get through anyway)- anything from his colostomy will go into the bag (there should be no blood at all unless he's managed to knock it suddenly and then the bleeding stops pretty quickly anyway - the colostomy is made out of the same tissue as the inside of your mouth and you know how easily that bleeds... and stops bleeding). If he still has his rectum and anus, there might be mucous from that area (there shouldn't be blood unless he has active disease in his rectum), but usually it takes the person to really push it out to expel it (like a bowel movement type push) so I wouldn't have thought it would be from there.

I agree with the others. You need to talk to him esp if you're considering having a baby together. I would hope there will be no children until both of you can talk honestly and openly to each other about anything and everything (and that includes his colostomy and the reasons for it) otherwise you will be off to a bad start to what could otherwise, be a wonderful relationship.

Good luck.

In your shoes, I would approach it by saying: "Hey, I watched this YouTube video about stoma care and it was really interesting; can I ask you some questions about yours?"

Slice said...
Or maybe something like..." Hey, we're dating, already have a child. Maybe we should get to know each other"

"What did you say your name was again?"

Vetteguy I'm trying to be as patient as possible with you, but you're making that task really difficult.....  Again we've known each our entire lives and when we dated the first time he didn't have the colostomy bag, but somewhere in between he got it!!!  It doesn't mean that I don't know him that just means that there's a part of his life that I don't know how to approach him about and I know he thinks if he tells me I might leave (even though I assured him otherwise).  It's a sensititve subject for both of us and the fact that you would make it a joke angers me because I came looking for support and answers not judgement, but that's neither here nor there!!!! 

 

Allin thanks for you kind words it really meant so much!!!!!!