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trying to find a support group

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Posted 12/15/2008 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
 Hi everyone, I am new to this site but am finding it to be very helpfull alfeady. I am trying to find a support group for my wife but cannot find one locally. We live in a small town in N.M. and the services are very poor. I think that this site just might be better. One of  the problems that we are having is in the bedroom, my wifes sex drive has almost totally disapeared. I have tried to talk to her about it but nothing seems to work. I am 45 and she is 33, we are both to young to just hang it up, any books or forums would help. I am trying to get her on this site, I think it will really help her to be able to talk to other people with some of the same issues. Thanks
Posted 12/15/2008 4:16 AM (GMT 0)
Does she have an ostomy? If so, how long has she had it?
Posted 12/15/2008 2:48 PM (GMT 0)

airjammer,

Welcome to the site.  Definately keep working on your wife to log on and just read some of our discussions.  She will probably find that many of the things that she thinks are hard to talk about get talked about all the time on here.

John

Posted 12/15/2008 8:02 PM (GMT 0)

Airjammer,

Welcome and thank you for opening up to us about your situation. If the problem is that she doesn't feel sexy with her new body, maybe some pretty lingerie would help. Make sure you tell her often how beautiful you think she she is, especially when you see her naked. That really helped me accept my new body. 

If you have children, do you two ever go out alone? A romantic night out with dinner and movie might help her get in the mood. And don't forget to cuddle with her in bed. Since we can be self-conscious about our stomach areas, spooning is a very good thing. So is KY Warming Jelly.  wink

If she's depressed, maybe she can talk to her gynecologist about it. If it's not depression, but a low sex drive, then there's medication for that, too.

Hope this helps!

Posted 12/15/2008 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
 Thanks for all of the replys. My wife has a colostomy for over 2 yrs. now and cancer free thank goodness. I do try to reafirm that she is hot (which she is) but it just seems that she no longer is interested in anything sexual. We can have a night out by ourselves and be having a good time, but when the time comes (for a lack of better words) to get serious, she is just not interested, period. I have suggested quite a few things  but to no avail. I am at the point of just not trying anymore because after hearing no, no, no time and time again, I figure why try.  I hope something changes soon, cuz I just dont know how much longer I want to have a sexless marriage. I love my wife very much and I know we can have a happy marriage, but when your significant other shows no interest in you, you almost start looking for that interest from someone else, not that i have. All I want is to be happy again. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, cant really talk to anyone else cuz they are not in the same boat with this type of problem. Thanks again
Posted 12/16/2008 12:11 AM (GMT 0)

You can vent to us anytime. Did she go through radiation or chemotherapy? I wonder if that might have messed up her system. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a common side effect. Maybe someone on here would know. I would encourage her to make an appointment to talk with her doctor about it, because there are solutions, but they can't help her if they don't know about it.

Posted 12/16/2008 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
 Hi flchurchlady, how are you. I am terrible on computers and this is the first chat room i have ever been on so be patient. No my wife never had any chemo or radiation, they found a mass in her rectum and they said that cuz it was in the sphincter muxcle they had no choice but to do a rectal resection. But she has started having problems. She had surgery on Oct. 23,2006, no problems, everything went great, and no problems for 25 months. Then I took her for her yearly colonoscopy Oct.27,2008, and ever since then she has had the same problem time and time again. She can eat and within 30 minutes, she has to empty her bag sometimes up to 3 times a day. 

,Before, when she would irrigate, she could go up to 3 days without having to change her bag. I think something didnt go right with her last procedure, of course the doctors wont say that, they just say to eat more fiber. My whole point is that she never had not one problem before a nd all of the sudden, she has this problem at least 2-3 times a week. Would anyone have something similar or know of anything we might be able to put our finger on. I am trying to coax my wife onto this site, I think she could really get some benefit from talking to people in the same boat. Thanks again, Airjammer.

Posted 12/16/2008 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
You might want to call the surgeon who performed her surgery. He should be able to direct you to a local Ostomy Society group. This forum is great, but it sounds to me she need to actually see people that have the same condition as her and have a conversation with them. I'm sure she'll be very pleasantly surprised at how many "normal" looking people have an ostomy once she meets them. I wouldn't be surprised if that's the root of her problem.
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